Catching hold of you
by Kmye
Summary: Or how a third person can disrupt the quiet and peaceful relationship that Aoshi and Misao built patiently... Especially when this person is... *COMPLETE* The Aoiya wakes up... and the outcome of the damn story !!! ^^ Please R&R !!!! (corrected version)
1. Chapter 1 : Catch the snow

Catching hold of you

Hi everyone !! Here another totally un-original fanfic. I've tried to imagine something new but it desperately looks like my favorite fics. I hope you'll like it anyway !!

Usual disclaimer apply: Please don't kill me, I wouldn't dare tell Aoshi and Misao are mine ^_^ !

Big thankies to Teni for beta-reading the whole story !!!!

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Chapter 1: Catch the snow

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The mild rays of the sun of December barely managed to warm the cold air and sharp wind, turning the morning dewdrops into a jagged outline of frost that crunched and creaked under Misao's feet. A small smile on her lips, her teeth chattering, she was striding along in order to get to the temple before her socks were soaking wet with melted ice, but the task was hard, as she had not to spill any of the boiling tea on her tray. At the same time, while watching where she was putting her feet and keeping an eye on the precarious balance of the cups, there was no way to run as she usually did.

Finally she reached the door of the temple, only to face a new problem. The door was closed. _How can you open a door when you're carrying a heavy tray without upsetting half of its contents?_ Misao sighed, and placed one of her arms under the tray to push the door with the other one. _Damn, the door was heavy too,_ she fumed, meaning to strangle the responsible monk as soon as she would have a chance. The burning teapot started to scald her arm through the tray.

"Iiiiieee nooo!" , she screamed when she felt her foot slipping on the iced-over ground.

In a desperate cry she came a cropper, folding her hands over her face to protect it from the boiling liquid -- but someone had opened the door and caught the tray even before she dropped it. Moaning and rubbing her fingers on her forehead, she raised her eyes on her savior and swallowed a gasp.

"A--Aoshi-sama ?" 

Aoshi blinked.

"Are you all right Misao?"

Misao jumped onto her feet, very nearly knocking the tray in Aoshi's hands, and rushed into the temple with a shriek. Aoshi, always impassive, raised an eyebrow, following the petite form of the weasel-girl with his eyes.

"Misao?"

Wondering whether everything was alright with Misao, or whether he really was this frightening, he walked towards the meditating room where he usually spend most of his time; the room where Misao had disappeared -- and he couldn't help but stare at her with a flabbergasted look. Sitting on the tatami, Misao was frantically removing her socks, which where dripping with iced water. She threw the drenched socks on her geta and, sighing in relief, she gathered her reddened feet under her to warm them up.

Aoshi silently joined her on the tatami, and put the tray between them. Misao had caught a glimpse of the mocking look in his eyes.

"It's not funny!" she retorted angrily, "It's awfully cold outside! And the dew doesn't matter for you; you're wearing boots!"

Aoshi ignored her remark and closed his eyes, preparing himself for the tea ceremony. Misao pouted and sighed, but the tea was getting cold, so she lined up the cups to pour the tea, concentrating on her task. A small cloud of steam rose and teased her nose leaving a trace of mist on her cheeks.

Now quiet, she held a cup out to Aoshi, and surrounded her own with her hands to warm her numb fingers. She enjoyed more than anything those short moments of silence when they were together. He just savored the peace; she just enjoyed being close to him. She took a sip of hot tea slightly burning her tongue but smiling anyway.

Their morning tea had been a daily routine for more than a year Aoshi mused. When they had come back from Tokyo after helping the Himuras with Enishi's case, he had shut himself away between the walls of the temple, the only place where he found a peace of mind. And every day, she invariably came to bring him his tea. At first he had judged the idea amazing, but now he rather enjoyed it -- actually he would now have found it strange and disturbing if Misao had decided to stop doing it. Anyway, it was a sweet moment in his uneventful days and it sometimes brought something new and original -- such as her fall earlier. She was the only one who dared speak loudly and giggle in the temple and he was expecting the sound of her steps when he knew she was going to come in.

He glanced at her as she was blowing on her tea to cool it, fidgeting with her cup to keep from scalding herself now that her fingers had recovered their whole sensitivity. Finally, she put the cup on the tray and blew on her burnt fingertips. Aoshi inwardly smiled, _she was always on the go, unable to concentrate on something for more than a few minutes._

Misao shyly smiled to apologize for troubling his reflections, though she didn't think to be their main topic.

"Aoshi-sama, when are you planning to train?" she asked softly.

The question was rather unexpected, as Aoshi hadn't really planned when he wanted to train.

"I don't know. Why?"

"Your kodachi are rusting in their sheath", she teased him with a gamine grin on her face. "I was just wondering if you'd be okay to train with me tomorrow."

Aoshi raised an eyebrow. This was _really_ unexpected. Misao hadn't asked him to train with her ever since she was a kid; he also hadn't tried to have a training session with her, as he wanted to keep his distance from her. He didn't want to harm her with the conflicts from which he couldn't untangle himself though she had began to become closely linked to them anyway.

"We'll see."

Misao smiled warmly, that smile reflected the light in an odd alchemy to make her look radiant and deeply beautiful. She took the forgotten cup on the tray, drank the last gulps of cold tea, then stacked the cups and got up. She lifted the now light tray. Leaving the room, Misao caught her still damp socks and getas. She turned around and cracked a last smile.

"Have a nice day, Aoshi-sama."

Aoshi nodded and she ran out of the temple in a chink of dishes.

______

December was not the best month to travel on the road of Tokai; but the traveler didn't care. As long as the snow wouldn't cut off the path or the rain wouldn't make it impassable, he would be on the road in order to reach Kyoto as soon as possible. But since he had walked part of the night every day, he didn't really know how many days were left in the walk to Kyoto. It was better to ask someone; maybe the traveler wouldn't have to sleep in the open tonight.

The man, comfortably wrapped in his coat to protect himself from the icy wind, sat on the terrace of a small teahouse; the kind of teahouses he had seen hundreds of times during his journey. Motioning a waitress to come, he ordered some tea and a bowl of rice, and then he turned to his neighbor, who happened to be a monk. Well, he thought, a monk wouldn't refuse his help to a poor, lost traveler.

"Excuse me… How far are we from Kyoto?"

The monk slowly turned around, scanning his face with a strange smile. The traveler was hard to read -- this was rare nowadays. His whole body was hidden by the thick coat; a hat was concealing his face: all that he revealed was a petite building and the suppleness of a well-trained fighter.

"About a day's walk. What is someone like you going to do in Kyoto?"

The traveler frowned, not sure he understood what the old monk meant.

"I'm looking for someone."

"You're going to kill him? Take your revenge?"

This time the traveler got up and angrily raised his voice.

"What are you implying, old man?"

The monk sighed and smiled with resignation, then motioned the traveler to sit down and be quiet.

"Young people are always touchy. Be quiet, you're going to frighten all the customers, and you'll have to pay for their drinks."

Indeed, the waitress was waiting for the traveler to cool down, almost shivering enough to drop the tea and the rice that he had ordered. She put the sustenance on the bench, took the money and left without waiting to hear more. The old monk drank a sip of his own cup of tea, waiting for the agitation to fall back. When the murmuring crowd seemed calmed, he started speaking again.

"Something tells me that the stick carrying your bag looks furiously like a sword. Even if it's wrapped in a piece of cloth, the curve is characteristic. Am I wrong?"

The traveler didn't answer.

"Ok, so I'm right. That's why I was asking if you were looking for a man to take revenge."

Strangely, the traveler smiled and turned up the edge of his hat to reveal two bright, piercing green eyes.

"Not at all."

And he got up, forgetting the tea and the rice. His aim was only a day's walk away; he had no time to hang about.

______

Misao's steps rang out on the cobbles of the path taking to the training hall. It was even colder than the previous day, but nevertheless she was wearing her onmitsu outfit, overexcited about her training today. She had spent part of the night to polish her kunai, as she wasn't able to sleep. 

She happily slid the door open, finding the wide hall in a dim twilight.

No one there.

_Where has he gone?_

Worried and a bit annoyed, she ran through the whole hall, not really expecting to find anyone, but just to be sure. Obviously, nobody had come in here since last night, when she had herself closed the training hall after her practice. _Maybe Aoshi was still asleep_, she tried to reason with herself. It was still early.

She rushed out of the training hall, without taking time to breathe; she crossed the yard of the Aoiya and climbed the stairs towards Aoshi's room. Breathless and messy-haired, she knocked at his door and called.

"Aoshi-sama !! Wake up, it's late !"

But no answer came. _Either he definitely is dull, or he is a really heavy sleeper_, she thought angrily. She knocked for the second time, then as there still was no answer, she went in. Of course, Aoshi wasn't there.

"OKINAAAA !!", she yelled.

She tumbled down the stairs, and bumped into Okina who was getting out of his office to see what was wrong with his little Misao-chan. She was angry amazingly early today; usually she became this excited only after noon.

"Jiya, you're here! Where is Aoshi-sama?"

Okina raised an eyebrow, perplexed.

"He's gone to the temple, as usual. You weren't awake yet, I think."

Misao's face turned to a crestfallen grimace, as she swallowed the hard lump which came to her throat.

"To-to the temple? But he… he told me we would train together today…"

_Not exactly, _she remembered._ He told that maybe, he would consider the proposition coming from me, miserable little onmitsu that I am._ She clenched her teeth. _That bloody-minded Aoshi-sama!!_

"Misao?"

"It's okay, never mind Jiya. That doesn't matter after all, I'll train on my own."

Jiya smiled softly. It was one of Misao's qualities that he appreciated the most: never did she let herself lose heart. _And, he mused half-amused, half-angry, _it was an absolutely necessary quality to deal with Aoshi's unbearable temperament.__

Now as the first disappointment was over, Misao was in a great fit of anger, but she hid it well. She hugged Jiya with feigned happiness and started running towards the training hall, knocking over Okon in the rush.

"See you at lunchtime, everyone!"

Following her with her eyes, Okon sighed and turned to Okina.

"Does she sometimes stop, or does she _always_ have to be worked up?"

______

Misao kicked open the door of the training hall. She didn't want to train now; her enthusiasm about training with Aoshi had vanished with her good mood.  She needed to let off some steam. Letting out an angry groan, she grabbed her kunai and started throwing them everywhere, while linking jumps, flips and other ninja skills. In a few minutes, the walls and ceiling were spiked with her knives, and she was lying on the ground, breathless.

Trying to get her breath back, She stretched out on the floor. _Damn Aoshi-sama. __Stupid, stupid him. Aoshi-sama no baka !!_

Grumbling and muttering, she got up on her feet and wiped the sweat off of her forehead. She was here to practice, Aoshi-sama or not. And the baka could wait for his tea.

Gathering her kunai all around her, she decided to train for kunai throwing. Although she was rather skilled at fighting with kunai, she was not in the mood for something harder. She ensured her grasp on the small blades, and aimed at a beam above her head, especially at a stain on the wood. With a cry, she backflipped and threw her weapons ; the four kunai sinked into the beam, but none of them hit the stain.

She let out a sigh of frustration. She was really not concentrate.

She focused on the target hanging on one of the walls. _Think it is that bakayarou of Aoshi-sama_, she said herself with a sarcastic grin. Releasing her kiai, she threw the kunai at the target; this time, the four weapons got stuck in the middle of the target. Misao raised an eyebrow. _Interesting skill_, she thought, although she was not sure that she wanted her Aoshi-sama to look like a pin-cushion. But yes, he deserved it. She wasn't asking for the moon, damnit ! 

Clenching her teeth, she let herself lean against the wall and slid along it to sit on the ground, her head leaned against the wood. She was definitely not in the mood for training -- through the fault of Aoshi-sama. _Damn him_. She closed her her eyes in annoyance, then got up, picked up her kunai scattered everywhere and opened the door.

_The best way to clear the mind: a good bath!_, she thought. There at least, she was absolutely sure she wouldn't come across Aoshi.

She went on the cobbled path towards the bathroom, shuddering as the cold wind rushed between the layers of her training suit. She raised her eyes towards the white-greyish sky, plain and silent.

_It's going to snow tonight._

______

The traveler gazed with a respectful look at the imposing building in front of him. A woman he had questioned had assured him he would find his aim in here. The large doors of the temple were closed, and everything in here exuded calm, peace and serenity. Even though he was exhausted by his long journey, he felt oddly soothed, unwilling to disrupt the peaceful prayers inside or the quiet walkers enjoying the beauty of the day in the garden, towered above by an immense cryptomeria which spread out its long, bare branches in the pale, still sky.

Smelling a familiar scent in the air, cold and slightly metallic, the traveler removed his hat and turned his green eyes towards the sky, dazzled by its blinding whiteness, then smiled.

_It's going to snow tonight._

With a sigh, the traveler pushed the door of the temple, his heart starting to beat wildly. _He _was there. His particular and indescribable presence was everywhere around; he was something there, in one of the rooms. Focusing his attention, the traveler gathered his fighter's senses to detect the one he was looking for; and a slight smile found its way on his lips when he felt an impressive ki in the nearest room.

Sighing in relief, he put his hat and his coat on a coat rack. He had plenty of time; enough anyway to catch his breath back and calm down. He hid his sword in the folds of his coat, so that no one would find it, then he knelt down in front of an altar and, breathing in and out with application, regained his countenance. With a soft smile, he took a slim stick of incense and lighted it, smelling the noticeable fragance that soothed his soul. 

Then, when he felt ready, he got up and walked toward the room.

______

Aoshi's meditation was far away from zen purposes today, but he couldn't help letting his thoughts wander. 

Misao hadn't come to bring their usual morning tea; and he was not the one who could blame her. But it had disrupted his day, leaving an empty moment, breaking off the tempo of his well-ordered day and the balance of his disorderly life. It's only when you don't have something anymore that you realize how much you need it. He cursed himself. She was certainly angry with him, and he deserved it. She was so happy about that training, and even if he hadn't promised, he was aware of the importance it took on for her.

_And yet I didn't come._

What was wrong with him? He enjoyed her company when she poured his tea and shared some time with him, but he didn't want to feel her closer. Granting her request felt like acknowledging the care that he felt for her. And he didn't want her to know that he cared, or he knew she would ruin her life to wait for him. _She deserved someone better, she just has to realize it._

_But now why do you feel so angry when you think that one day, she will get married and have children? You're an idiot, Shinomori, a stupid and overprotective idiot. You don't want to love her, but you also don't want anyone else to turn his eyes on her. At least try to be coherent!_

Well he wasn't coherent; it was evidence even in his blurred mind. Yet for the moment, all he wanted was to preserve their quietness, their tiny intimacy and the sweet way she called his name when she came with the tea tray, and their relationship shouldn't go further. But he himself knew that things had already gone further.

Something in the corridor troubled his musings. Immediately on his guard, Aoshi scanned the presence behind the shoji. Light steps resounded on the floor -- Misao? He tried to figure the ki of the person; pride, anger, but also bitterness, regrets, apprehension took shape in his mind, coupled with a familiar presence, but oddly distorted. If this was Misao, she had to be deeply upset so that her ki was so distressed.

The one behind the door knocked slightly.

Aoshi closed his eyes, and braced himself to face Misao's anger; he owed her an explanation -- although he had no really convincing apology to give. He heard the shoji sliding with a smothered rustling -- and a soft voice started speaking.

"Ohayou, Aoshi."

His eyes snapped open. That voice… He turned over, wide-eyed, and faced the slim silhouette leaning on the frame of the door. It was not possible, his eyes had to fail him… And yet…

"Yukiko…?"

_____

End of chapter 1

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Author's notes : Hi everybody !! I hope you enjoyed. The first part was quite sweet, the other ones will be darker. It's the "calm before the storm".

What did you think about Misao ? She's really weaselish in this part, or at least that the way I wanted her to look like ; she'll get more mature during the fic. The story takes place in December, one year and a half after the end of the manga ; so she's (counts on her fingers) 18 and Aoshi is 27,as he was born in Januar.

Misao : Who is that Yukiko ??

Kmye : Hey you'll see in part 2 !!

Misao : If she DARES touch my Aoshi-sama, she'll be the one looking like a pin cushion !! 

Kmye : Oooh nooo I need her until the end of the fic !

Misao : WHAT ?? You mean she'll really touch my Aoshi-sama ??

Kmye : ……


	2. Chapter 2 : Time went by

Catching hold of you

Hi minna-san !! Here chappie 2, yeaaaah !! The first part of the chapter is a bit long, I hope it's not boring but my fingers were running on the keyboard and I just couldn't help but write it. Enjoy !

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Chapter 2 : Time went by

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A white and cold flake swirled in the moody, greyish sky to land on Misao's nose, it melted immediately against the warm skin. The weasel girl sneezed, shuddering; she was going to catch a cold by persisting in waiting outside. Moreover, she had been right about the weather earlier: the snow was falling, soft like cotton but heavier and heavier, and an icy wind was starting to send up the dust from the street in front of the Aoiya. Staying here, waiting for Aoshi, didn't make any sense; no one ever knew when the baka would come home.

"Misao!"

Okon's annoyed voice raised to drown out the noise of the gusts of wind. She was standing with her hands on her hips on the porch, and as she managed to catch Misao's attention, she pointed a ladle at the stubborn girl.

"Misao, I've been looking for you for hours! What are you doing outside? I'm surely not going to look after you even if you fall ill with your extravagances!"

Grunting in exasperation, Misao reluctantly got up and came back in the inn. Anyway when Okon sulked like this, there was nothing to do or even say other than obey. Obviously irritated, the older girl went on yelling at the younger.

"Come on and help me with the dinner! Omasu burnt herself with a hot dish and the kitchen is a real mess. And nobody's going to help, of course! I'm always the one who has to care about everything…"

Setting aside Okon's grievances, Misao followed her in the kitchen, taking worried looks at the front door. She was going to miss Aoshi. She had planned to clarify the events with him before he even went home; but Okon's intrusion disorganized her whole project. If she wanted to have a talk with him, the best way was to dispose of whatever Okon wanted her to do, and then to come back to her post. Yes, that was definitely a good idea. 

But when she faced the incredibly high pile of dirty dishes in the basin, she thought she was going to have a heart attack.  She would never finish before Aoshi went home, whenever he would come. With a defeated sigh, she took the tea towel Okon was holding her and started plunging her hands in the soapy water.

_____

A spicy and delicious aroma was drifting in the whole Aoiya when Misao triumphantly put the last plate on the heap of clean dishes. But while the dishes were clean and gleaming, their cleaner couldn't lay claim to the same tidiness; soaking from head to toes, awry-haired, with lather on her forehead, Misao looked more like an imp than a well-mannered lady. She wrung the cloth for the last time and threw it onto Okon. 

"It's done!"

Okon got the damp towel in the neck and shrieked.

"You idiot! Stop doing this or you won't get anything for dinner!"

She turned over to bawl at Misao and stared wide-eyed at the streaming and grinning girl in front of her. 

"Misao!! Go on in your room and slip something dry on!"

As she splashed the older girl with soapy water, Misao bent down to avoid the kitchen knife thrown by the angry onmitsu, then sneaked out the kitchen to get her room. Indeed, she needed something dry; as long as she was in the pleasantly warm kitchen, the dampness of her clothes was not awkward, but now in the corridor with drafts running all over, the wet and cold material was disagreeably sticking to her skin and dissipating her heat.

Misao edged her way into her room, closed the shoji behind her and quickly removed her damp onmitsu outfit. She hung the clothes on a nail hammered in the wall, and then started rummaging in her shelves to find anything dry to wear. She lifted a pile of yukatas, disarranging her underwear as she went by, and frowned. Obviously the laundry had to be done, as she didn't found any of her usual shirts and shorts. Annoyed, she sighed. Damn, this was definitely not a good day.

She reviewed the clothes that remained on the shelves. Two or three kimonos that she had never worn and the matching obis, several yukatas, but far too light for a cold winter evening, under-kimonos and clothes she wore when she was four. Swallowing hardly, she starred daggers at the clothes scattered around her. But if she didn't want to wear her icy outfit during the whole dinner, the outcome was obvious: she would have to wear one of the detestable kimonos.

Reluctantly, she grabbed a blue kimono and slipped into it while grunting angrily. She was surely looking like a stupid geisha that way! As she didn't want to look too ridiculous, she went in search of a mirror. Were could she find a mirror? In Okon's room, of course. The appearance-conscious girl surrounded herself with heaps of mirrors, and would probably be furious if a weasel sneaked into her private room. This was really exciting and would whet her appetite, even if it couldn't make her clothes dry more quickly.

After having glanced in the corridor to check that no one was in sight, she merged into the shadows to run up to Okon's bedroom, giving a hint of a smile as she carefully closed the door behind her. Although she was already a young adult, she still liked edging her way through the Aoiya and exerting her ninja tricks on the others. But for the moment, she needed a mirror. She fixed her choice on a huge full-length mirror hung on the wall - Okon had definitely not been aware of the cost of such a piece of furniture. 

Hesitantly she moved forward to the mirror, and stiffened when she saw her reflection. 

The girl in front of her was not her at all. Transfixed, Misao looked over the thin waist, the small round breasts revealed by the tight silk, the petite but well-shaped shoulders, then she stared wide-eyed at her face in horror. Maybe did she feel like this because she was not used to wear a kimono, but she had the impression that she was a perfect oaf cramped in the tight clothes. She couldn't possibly come in the dining room dressed like that! Shiro and Kuro would tease her to death, and Aoshi…

She blushed furiously as she thought of what defects Aoshi could pick out on her clothes and herself. The kimono wasn't hiding a thing of her unattractive figure that she usually concealed with care behind her loose-fitting and boyish outfit. Surely he would notice her unwomanly body and…

_STOP THAT, you baka!!_

Misao sighed. As if Aoshi had those kinds of thoughts about anybody…

Anyway, she really looked clumsy in this way, and she would have rather missed the dinner than appearing in such laughable clothes. But she was hungry and tired, and her stomach reminded her that she hadn't eaten since noon. Too bad, she would be ridiculous tonight.

But as she was folding her ninja uniform, a forgotten kunai hidden in her belt fell on the floor with a clear ringing, and a cheerful smile crossed Misao's lips. Maybe she was not going to be so ridiculous after all…

She grabbed the kunai and started to carry out her plan. Skilfully and carefully, she used the small blade like a knife in order to cut off the fabric of the kimono above her knee; she gashed the material until finally a long piece of cloth fell on her feet as she had managed to shrink the kimono as if it was one of her usual shorts. But the jagged-edged silk hung miserably on her bare legs.  She rummaged among Okon's things on the shelves, and helped herself to an old sewing box - blessing the older girl for having shown it to her once when she had made a tear in her shirt.

Now grinning like a kid, Misao caught a few pins and stuck them in the cloth to fix up the makeshift hem. Then she jumped happily on her feet and faced the mirror to gaze at her work - and was rather pleased of what she saw. The kimono had been shortened in a skirt, a bit too short now as she had done a hem, but more than wearable; and as she caught a glimpse of a tasuki on Okon's chest of drawers, she grabbed it and rolled up her sleeves with the ribbon. Once more, Misao glanced at her reflection in the mirror. She was quite cute that way, she mused with a small smile.

But Omasu's voice raised in the stairs to call her, and Misao assumed she had to clear off quickly, if she didn't want to get killed by one or the other of the two young women.

_____

Omasu stared wide-eyed when Misao hurtled down the stairs, wearing an unknown blue kimono - or what she had made with it. Her jaw nearly hung open and Misao blushed slightly as she caught the surprised look in her eyes.

"Hey Omasu, nobody has done the laundry and I hadn't anything else to wear!"

Omasu's eyes softened and she smiled warmly.

"Oh but I didn't tell anything, Misao-chan! You're delightful like this! It's so moving to see our little tomboy dressed like the beautiful woman she has become! No way is Aoshi-san going to resist tonight !", she teased her kindly.

Misao flushed with anger, noticing that she hadn't taken her kunai with her and was disarmed.

"This has nothing to do with Aoshi-sama!"

Omasu grinned.

"Let's help in the kitchen. Okon is snowed under with the cooking, and she's going to turn crazy if she does get any help."

Reluctantly, Misao followed her, wondering if everybody was going to tease her about her clothes all the evening - maybe her idea was not so good after all; she definitely should have missed the dinner. But as a very angry Okon flung a full, hot dish in her arms, asking her to carry it in the dining room, she heard the front door opening in an especially violent squall of wind as someone rushed into the building. 

Misao dropped the dish on the table near to where Okina was sitting and turned over to face a very snowy Aoshi, who was busy with brushing the flakes out of his trenchcoat. She couldn't suppress a smile when he shivered as one of the flakes in his hair fell in his neck, but she quickly regained a cold and unconcerned look. She ought to be angry with him, after all, he had stood her up in the training hall and surely she was going to have a talk with him about it.

But amazingly, instead of going up in his room as he usually did to have his dinner alone, Aoshi came in the dining room, bowed slightly to greet everyone and sat down at the end of the table. Misao stared at him for a while, and then turned away, cursing herself for being to intrusive. Yet inwardly she smiled: if Aoshi agreed to at least have his meals with everyone, this was more than a good sign. So she decided that finally she would be kind with him tonight: she wouldn't talk about her wait alone in the training hall. 

Shiro and Kuro took their places around the table, looking slightly surprised that Aoshi was having dinner with them, then Okon and Omasu, helped by a softly smiling Misao, brought the last missing dishes. The weasel girl noticed that Aoshi frowned as he saw her clothes, and she tried to hide the blush growing on her cheeks at his both pleased and annoyed gaze. _If he didn't like her dress, why didn't he turn his gaze away?_

Nevertheless, Okina's look had clouded over as he looked over Aoshi sitting nonchalantly down to eat. He knew him well enough to guess that his unexpected company had to hide something. Scrutinizing the young man's steady face, he grunted slightly. Aoshi was certainly not there to please Misao, so he had something really important to tell to everyone_. Let's find what could be so extraordinary._

Suddenly, as Misao was stretching her hand to catch a vegetable in the middle of the table, Aoshi cleared his throat and started speaking in a casual tone.

"I met Yukiko today," he told simply.

The dish Okon was holding slipped out of her hands and crashed with a terrible din, while everybody stared at Aoshi in disbelief and consternation. Muttering apologizes, the young woman gathered the broken glass in her apron and rushed into the kitchen to throw the pieces in the dustbin.

Misao stared around her, alarmed by the chill cast by a single sentence. Nobody was speaking and the silence was getting heavy. She glanced at Omasu, who was nervously clenching her hands in her lap, looking at her feet insistently; and she shivered as she felt the tensed atmosphere around her.

Yet Okina spoke as casually as Aoshi had just done, breaking the silence filled with unspoken threats.

"Oh really? How is she?" But he was smiling kindly and he did really look concerned about that girl - Yukiko.

"Fine, I guess," Aoshi answered, "She was going to Osaka to visit her uncle, or her cousin, I don't remember."

"If she plans to stay in Kyoto for a few days, tell her to move in the Aoiya. After all, she used to be one of us."

"I'll tell her."

Misao caught a glimpse of the dismayed expression on Omasu's and Shiro's faces. Yukiko - the name was quite familiar, but sounded oddly bitter. As Misao tried to refresh her memory, an image popped in her mind: a young girl, not much more old than she now - but the memory was an old one; short black hair gathered in a high ponytail, and furious, defiant green eyes glaring up and down at everybody. Yukiko… now she remembered: she was one of the youngest Oniwabanshuu when Misao was a little girl, and a very skilled one, she mused. But her memories about her were blurred: the girl was not very talkative, rather out of the team of the Oniwabanshuu - a lone wolf. When she thought about it, it seemed to Misao that the only one who cared about this Yukiko was indeed Aoshi; and he was the only one who got her friendship. 

She quivered as a strange musing went through her mind. Aoshi had met that girl and hadn't come to their training; so had he given up their pratice to share more time with Yukiko ? Misao greeted her teeth angrily. _Don't be stupid, baka. It's normal when you meet an old friend._

But Okon cut her reflections short, as coming back from the kitchen she noisily put a dish on the table, glaring nastily around her. Misao raised an eyebrow, a bit worried: never had she seen Okon this angry before.

The dinner ended up in a tensed and dismal silence, only interrupted sometimes by Okina's cheery voice asking for some rice or anything else. Finally Misao felt relieved when Omasu began to clear the table away and jumped on her feet to help, anxious to do anything that could prevent her from thinking or imagining things by keeping her busy.

Omasu mumbled she was coming soon with the tea, but Aoshi got up and apologized, telling he would rather have his tea alone in his room.

"I'll bring it to you in a few minutes!" Misao blurted out even before thinking. A second later, she was hitting herself mentally. She was _angry_ with him! Why should she bring him his damn tea? _Cool down, girl, _she thought. _You'll have your chance of scolding him like this._

Aoshi nodded slightly and leaved.

_____

Swinging from one foot to the other, Misao knocked hesitantly at Aoshi's door. She bit her bottom lip as she heard a slight rustling in the room, and Aoshi's low voice raised.

"Come on Misao."

She snapped the shoji open and walked nervously towards Aoshi, who was sitting at his desk; her hands clenched on the tray, she tried to look self-confident and detached, but couldn't help shaking slightly. She lay down her tray on the desk, and the cup ringed as she put it down with the teapot to take back the tray.

"Your tea, Aoshi-san."

Aoshi raised an eyebrow, shocked. Never had she called him "Aoshi-san" before, only "Aoshi-sama". It sounded strange, irrational and unpleasant in her mouth. He glanced at her, and saw her turning her gaze away.

"What's wrong, Misao?"

Her eyes focused again on him, burning like two sparks of fire about to explode.

"What's wrong? What's wrong? You sure know very well what's wrong. I was so glad about training with you for once!"

Aoshi looked annoyed.

"Misao, try to understand. I had a lot of things to do."

Misao turned around and walked towards the door, fuming and inwardly hurt.

"If you had really wanted to train with me, you'd have found time." Her voice rang out acidly, sarcastic and mocking, but even Aoshi who didn't have a gift for human relationships could feel the bitterness and harmful sadness concealed inside.

But before he could mutter a mere sound, the door slammed and Misao was out. Clenching her teeth hard, she went downstairs, still holding the tray. _The jerk! Not even a word of apology… Not even a decent explanation!_ She kicked in a vase laying there as a decoration; the thin porcelain blew up and shattered, sharp fragments lying everywhere on the steps. Misao sighed - Okina was going to kill her, but worse, for a moment she had lost every kind of self-control, allowing a urge of violence to overwhelm her.

Recovering her composure, she went towards the kitchen whose enlightened door shone in the darkness of the corridor. Angry outbursts of argument hit her ears as she was only a few steps away from the door, 

"If that bitch sets foot in here, I'll move to Okaachan's house!" This was Okon's voice, but barely recognizable as it was distorted by anger.

"Okon, you're too harsh with her. After all, she has never intended to hurt you or anything else." This time it was Omasu's, who was obviously trying to calm down her sister.

"What? She always thought about herself before anyone else! She was not even able to execute an order! Besides, when Makimachi-san was Okashira, she would've been booted out quickly!"

"But she was strong…"

"What's the use if you can't submit to any kind of authority? A bitchy little savage, this is what she was!"

Misao moved closer to the door, hidden in the darkness, to hear more of the argument. Were they speaking about Yukiko? Obvisouly yes, they were. _A bitchy little savage?_

Omasu sighed.

"Okay, she was a bit antisocial… I guess it's because of her disturbed character that Aoshi-san cared about her so much…"

"And I still can't understand what he found in that bloody-minded slut!" Okon added with a muffled sigh. "Moreover", she added in a casually pernicious tone, "it's a little strange that Aoshi-san met her _by chance_…"

Omasu sounded a little outraged.

"Okon, what are you implying?"

"You know very well! No one saw Aoshi-san during eight years, so no one can tell that he hadn't already seen her during this time!"

Flattening herself against the wall, Misao didn't lose a single word of the discussion, and her mind was rushing wildly. _What? Aoshi-sama would have met this woman during his travel with the others? Th-they would have lived… together?_

But Omasu retorted angrily, "Okon, you're worst than a snake! Nobody can prove that there really was a love affair between both of them, and even if yes, that's none of your business!"

"Oh Omasu, stop playing the young innocent! How couldn't there be a love affair between them?"

"Okon stop this! It's perfectly stupid!"

Misao didn't want to hear anything more. Blood was beating in her temples with a deafening din, as Okon's words resounded in her ears. She didn't want to hear anything else. She didn't want to know whether Aoshi loved this woman or not or whatever could have happened, whoever was this Yukiko. She wanted the noise to stop, she wanted to drop the tray she was holding and run in her room to shut the world out.

Instead of that, she came into the kitchen, and Omasu stared at her wide-eyed, throwing discreetly her elbow in her sister's ribs. Okon gasped and turned over; the two sisters exchanged an agreed glance and fell silent, going on with the washing-up. Misao laid her tray on the table, muttered a vague 'oyasumi nasai' and hurried out of the kitchen, eyes on fire, tears refusing to come.

Omasu followed with her eyes the petite form of their beloved weasel girl, and sighed loudly.

"Poor Misao… Things are not going to be easy for her…"

_____

End of chapter 2

_____

Author's notes : Sooooo ? Did you like it ?? Pleaase review and tell me !!!

The first part was long, but if you're reading this you haven't been discouraged ^__^ ! Hey I just did want to write that thing about Misao slaughtering a kimono ! It was funny to write.

I pretty enjoyed writing the argument between Omasu and Okon too. Wow Okon is on edge with Yukiko ! Tension's raising ! But don't be influenced, Yukiko is not such a bad girl… She's just a little drop-out, that's all. (I rather like her, actually)

But you'll see that in part 3… Misao facing Yukiko for the first time since years… What will she discover ??


	3. Chapter 3 : Everything I'm not

**Catching hold of you**

Hi minna !! It's been a while, or so I think…

Hey Chapter 3 is UP!! I can't believe it. I had a major writer's block on this part; not exactly a writer's block, I just didn't know how to introduce the character of Yukiko facing Misao. It was not easy, I didn't wrote it exactly the way I wanted to write it and most of all there must be heaps of ugly grammar mistakes!! Wew wew please be patient with me, poor little human girl ^_^ !!

Then, just a thing that obviously wasn't plain in the last chappie: Misao remembers Yukiko as a girl of the age of the _present_ Misao so a 15-16 year-old girl. But this is a _old_ memory (when Misao was about 6), so actually Yukiko is quite the same age as Aoshi (she's 25 when the story takes place). Sorry if I didn't make it plain in the last part!! I hope it's better now.

Now enough ramblings and enjoy !!! Pleeeease review minnaaaaa !!!

_____

Chapter 3: Everything I'm not

_____

The sullen lights of the winter dawn started to surge on the roofs of the Aoiya, barely dispersing the haze that blurred the outlines of the sleeping town. Muffling a groan, Misao opened an eye and no sooner done pulled down the blanket over her head. The cold and grey rays of light blinded her. Moreover, during the night the window had opened, and the blowing of wind rushing into her bedroom bit her warm skin like needles of ice. Shivering, Misao wrapped in the still mild blanket and crawled on her futon, stretching an arm out of the comfortable warmth of her bed to grope around and finally found her clothes scattered on the floor. Immediately her hand retracted, faced with how cold they were, and Misao made a face.

Someone knocked at the door.

"Misao, breakfast! We're waiting for you!"

It was Omasu. By way of reply, the young woman got an annoyed and smothered roar, and she smiled.

"Misao, you should look out of the window."

Misao's head popped out of the mess of blankets, puzzled about Omasu's remark.

"Omasuuuu? What happened outside?"

But the onmitsu giggled and left without answering. Rubbing her eyes, Misao tried to untangle her legs coiled in the duvet and slipped her robe on as her teeth were chattering to death. Kami-sama, it really was cold today. Obviously the snowstorm had stopped during the night and had left behind a puff of ice, crystallizing any trace of moisture hanging in the sharp air. Misao shivered as she went towards the window to close it to shut out the icy gusts - and remained speechless when she saw the landscape out of the window. Omasu didn't lie. The sight was impressive and delightful.

The snow had spread its sparkling cover all over the town and Kyoto looked like an endless sea of whiteness, shining with thousands of star-like crystals. The canal close to the Aoiya had frozen and children slipped on the shimmering surface with bursts of laughter. The shape of bare trees stood out the silver sky, and their dark branches supported delicate patterns of snow and thin stalactites of ice. Misao smiled with wonderment: she loved the snow and Kyoto's snowy sight. Everything looked so pure and untouched.

But a colder blast of wind brought Misao back to reality, and she vivaciously bolted the window. While stretching sleepily, she yawned, and folded her blanket on her futon; she guessed the others were getting impatient downstairs. Still not totally awake, she groped her way forward to find the dining room, where Omasu, Okon, Shiro, Kuro and Okina were having breakfast. The old man grinned when Misao's messy-haired head appeared in the doorframe. 

"Ohayou Misao-chan!"

Misao yawned another time, and rubbing her eyes, she sat down near to Okina greeting him with a smile.

"Ohayou Jiya, how are you?"

"Great", he answered happily while pouring her some tea. Misao nodded, half-awake half-asleep.

"Misao, you're going to fall asleep in the middle of your meal", he teased kindly, and patted her head with his usual tenderness.

"Huh, I hope I won't…" Misao mumbled, then she swallowed a mouthful of rice. "I'm so hungry that I'm going to faint with hunger if I don't eat."

Okon giggled. Shiro and Kuro apologized: repairs had to be done on the roof because of the snowstorm, and the task couldn't wait. Okina nodded and the two guys left with a kind sign towards Misao, whose eyelids fell dangerously back. Okina looked back at her protégé, a bit worried. She usually was more dynamic at breakfast.

"Did you sleep well Misao?"

She stared at him as if she didn't understand.

"Huh-what? Oh hai I slept well. Never mind Jiya. I'm going to be ok-" She yawned. "- as soon as I'll have finished my breakfast."

Okina was about to retort something but Omasu came back from the kitchen, carrying a tray.

"Misao, here's Aoshi-san's tea. Don't forget it, ok? Or it's going to be cold."

Misao agreed while sticking her hands through her mouth to hide - unsuccessfully - another gaping yawn.

"I'm going to the temple right now," she answered as she got up, "A walk will wake me more effectively than a bowl of rice."

And with that, she picked up the tray and left.

_____

Misao knocked at the door of the temple, cursing herself.

_I told I wouldn't bring him his tea anymore… What am I doing here? I was finished!! But what else could I have done? If I had asked Omasu to bring him his damn tea, they would have bored me stiff with their questions…_

Her eyelids felt heavy. Unlike what she had told to Okina, she had hardly slept last night. She had tried to cast aside the events of the evenings but the more she evaded her questions, the more her doubts and fears increased. Misao was praying with all her soul that this Yukiko would not come to the Aoiya, and would not disrupt her peace.

_How funny, _she thought bitterly._ A few years ago I loved anything that could disturb the monotony of my existence._

But this time something dangerous hovered above her happiness. She felt it like no one else.

"Why don't you come in Misao?"

Misao started and nearly dropped her tray. She had nearly forgotten she was standing in front of Aoshi's door.

"A-Aoshi-sama?"

She pushed the door and came forward Aoshi. _Don't shake. Don't look so worried. There's nothing to worry about._

Aoshi glanced at her with some concern in his look. He felt her distressed ki, and he knew something was bothering her - as he knew too well what it was. He sighed slightly and focused on her as she was putting down her tray between them. The peace they usually shared when they drank their morning tea was shattered today _and_ he thought with a pang of sadness, _maybe it is the last time we will have their tea together at all._ He didn't wish that. He didn't want that - but perhaps this was going to happen. Something had been broken. There was a decision he had to make.

Past or present.

"Misao, could you please tell to Okina that Yukiko will move to the Aoiya tonight?"

Misao's hands shook and tea spilled all over the tray. _What?! _she wanted to scream._ So… so early and you have already met her?! You don't waste your time, do you?_ It hurt, true, it hurt. Thinking that he cared enough about that girl for having met her already, even before she herself came with his - their - tea, hurt. Okon's words rushed in Misao's mind, turning insanely in her head and driving her mad. _A love affair._

She dropped the teapot noisily on the tray. She didn't want to stay here, not with him, not thinking that he loved another. A woman she didn't even remember. Someone who hadn't been there during those years when Misao, herself, had been here, had cared about Aoshi,  had given him everything she kept in her, her respect, her trust, her love… _I gave him everything and in the meanwhile he was thinking about her. I was there, keeping him company, and he was hoping she would be there instead of me._ She felt tears filling her eyes. _Is it why you looked so cold towards me, Aoshi? _

Her hands quivered with anger and confusion. She was turning insane. She wanted to escape the heavy silence of the room, and not to have to face him anymore. Nearly knocking over the tray, Misao got up without even waiting for the tea to brew and frantically rushed towards the door.

"I must go now."

Aoshi nodded absently, glancing at her through his long jet-black bangs.

"Where are you going?"

Misao didn't answer, didn't even turn over to face him.

"You don't need me to drink some tea. Bring the tray back to the Aoiya when you leave."

And without giving him time to answer, she ran out of the meditation room and slammed the shoji closed. Wild and upset, she walked a few steps away, but everything was spinning around her and she needed to lean against the wall, to have a rest, to take stock of the situation. She slipped along the wall and curled in a tight ball, her head rested on her knees, her arms wrapped stiffly around her legs. _You don't need me to drink some tea. You don't need me at all, Aoshi._

She gathered her breath when a smothered noise caught her attention. It came from the other side of the wall and it sounded like a voice muttering a sutra. A very soft voice. 

Misao focused her ninja senses on the presence. Who was there?  She was about to reach the mind of the stranger when she felt smashed by an impressive life force. _She's here,_ she shuddered. _She's in that room._ Misao jumped on her feet. _I don't want to see her. I don't want to stay in here a minute more!!_

Tripping like an insane person, out of breath, Misao ran away from the temple, wishing she hadn't come here at all. Around her, the beautiful landscape she had admired moments before seemed to bring only sadness, a sight of her own death.

______

The soapy bubbles rolled over Misao's pearly skin as she emerged of the hot water, breathing in deeply. She was utterly tired and her nerves and muscles relaxed on contact with the warmth of the bath, with the soothing steam. She closed her eyes once more and let herself sink in the soapy water until only her nose and eyes surfaced. With a small smile on her lips, she sighed in satisfaction.

For two days she had been training until exhaustion, as it seemed to be the only way to clear her mind and cast aside her fears. After that her greatest pleasure was a good hot bath, and she'd lie in the water for at least an hour, resting her whole body and her dizzy mind in the meanwhile. At least when she had practiced hard during the whole day, she was too tired to think of anything and especially of Aoshi, and this couldn't do anything but good. To hell with his moods.

Misao sleepily opened an eye. She was falling asleep on her feet, she thought, and yet, the evening was not over. As the Okashira she had to greet this damn Yukiko and place a hypocritical smile on her face during the entire party. Besides she was not sure she could stand it, especially if the girl was the bitch Okon described. After all, that woman was only a former Oniwabanshuu and nothing implied anything else, Misao tried hard to convince herself.

She sighed. With a lazy move she gathered her long, silky hair in her hands and wrung it out, then placed them in an heavy bun on the nape of her neck with a piece of cloth; afterwards she grabbed a towel, exited the bath and dried herself quickly. Her clothes were cold, but they would warm up fast. Humming softly and yawning, she picked up her comb and undertook the job of untangling her messy black hair. She smiled as she noticed that it nearly reached her knees: as it was usually tied in her usual braid, she doubted whether anyone knew it was so long or not. Misao hated her body, but her hair was her pride. It was what she regarded as her beauty, her charm, and to be truthful, her only attraction. Okay, she was not womanly, and she had a boyish figure, but she liked the blue-black strands surrounding her features.

Finally she left the bathroom with regret as she already missed the quietness and the comforting moisture. But a succulent aroma of food reminded her that she was hungry. Misao chuckled: unlike what she said, Okon hadn't left the Aoiya, but obviously she had gone out of her way to impress her ex-colleague. The meal would undoubtedly be one of the best Misao had ever eaten. Such a rivalry between the two women seemed almost incredible to Misao. She didn't already know that she would bear the brunt of such a rivalry a few moments later.

Checking that her clothes were straight and her braid carefully tied, Misao rushed in the corridor to give a hand before Yukiko came. After all it was already late, and… She pushed the door of the dining room…

"Oh, Misao-chan… How much you've grown!" spoke a soft female voice.

Misao stopped dead. She turned towards the table and stared at the sight in utter disbelief. Everyone was sitting around the table, not even waiting for her to start the dinner, and… in her usual seat was sitting a girl.

Beautiful.

It was the only word that came to Misao when she saw the girl in front of her. Immense eyes, green like two shining emeralds, high cheekbones, and jet-black tresses highlighting her charming face that was tied behind her head in a high and ruffled ponytail. The girl was gorgeous, and for the first time Misao knew what jealousy was. Not only because the girl was so _pretty_, but also because Aoshi was sitting right by her side. 

"Kon-Konban wa…" Misao could only stammer. _You idiot! Say something more coherent; you're making a fool of yourself!_

But the woman smiled almost happily. 

"How are you doing Misao-chan? Do you even remember me?"

"Of course, Yukiko-san." Misao snapped. _You liar._

Misao stared daggers to Okina, who happened to turn his gaze away at the same time. Obviously that Yukiko was inconsiderate: she was sitting at the Okashira's place - her place! - and no one had dared point it to her. But again she was chatting with Okina, and Misao reluctantly sat down at the other side of the table. What could she possibly do? She sighed.

Okon came in, carrying a hot dish, looking deeply concentrate - but Misao knew she was trying her best to be nice with Yukiko. Her attention focused on Aoshi. Everything in him seemed his own self, but Misao knew something that the Yukiko didn't know. Aoshi never sat at that place. So she guessed that wherever Yukiko would have been sitting, Aoshi would be sitting too. Unless it was Okina who placed everyone. 

"What do you think of it, Misao-chan?"

Misao's head jerked up.

"Huh what?"

Yukiko frowned slightly.

"I said you'll soon look like a real lady."

"You said it, not me." Misao shot back as if the word 'lady' sounded pejorative in her mouth.

She felt heat rising on her cheeks as Aoshi glanced at her, raising an eyebrow. _You're acting like a stupid brat Misao._

"Did I offend you, Misao-chan?" Yukiko spoke quite ironically.

"Not at all, Yukiko-_san_." Misao retorted, stressing the honorific. Who did this girl think she was for calling her '-chan'? Even if Yukiko was not an Oniwabanshuu anymore, similarly Misao was not a child anymore. To Misao, Yukiko seemed more and more an intruder. _A snake. This girl is a snake !_

The dishes followed one another, almost similar to Misao. Besides, the little party was more than morose. Okina was chatting and babbling happily as always, and sake helped a lot; Yukiko answered when necessary, but the more Misao watched her, the more she thought she truly was a strange character. The girl was cheerful with Okina, and became a woman of few words with anyone else who dared speak to her. As for Aoshi, he hadn't dropped a single word during the whole dinner. Lastly, Shiro and Kuro seemed to have bet who would be the one drinking the biggest amount of sake, so both of them were dead drunk.

Suddenly a chime of dishes was heard, followed fast by two yells.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" 

This was Okon's best sneaky voice. She had dropped a bowl of sauce on Yukiko's shirt – intentionally. Misao could have bet on it. But although she usually didn't like this kind of nasty tricks, this time she couldn't help but feel oddly happy.

"It's ok, don't worry." Yukiko answered between her clenched teeth, staring daggers at the other girl, who glanced at her with a sugary smile on her lips and a defiant look in her eyes. 

"Where is the bathroom? I'd like to wash it before it is irreparably stuck."

"It's the wooden door in the yard, remember?" Omasu said, eyeing threateningly at her sister.

Yukiko got up quickly and left, but something in her clothing caught Misao's eye. She hadn't paid attention since Yukiko was sitting and half-hidden by the table, but the girl was wearing an old Oniwabanshuu outfit. It was quite the same as Misao's - but it was black and dark red, with a skirt, and the girl wore black bands around her arms and gloves much like Aoshi's. Her legs were bound up to her knees as well. All in all, it was a rather unusual outfit, and it made her look very strange, like an evil demon - a real ninja, Misao thought with a pang of bitterness. 

But it was not that surprising suit that drew Misao's attention but the old accessory the girl wore around her thin waist. Instead of a feminine ribbon like Misao or Okon, this woman wore a worn leather belt with twin buckles. Misao's heart wrenched painfully in her chest. She knew that belt far too well. Hannya used to wear the same, as did Shikijou, and as did Okina. 

The twin buckled belt, the symbol of the greatest Oniwabanshuu, was reserved for the hired men of the Okashira. They were always four surrounding the Okashira; they were the most faithful, the most trusted. They were called the Four Shadows of the Okashira. Misao had never wondered who were Aoshi's Shadows when he was Okashira. Hannya was the first, Okina the second, Shikijou the third, but one was missing.

This girl was the fourth Shadow.

Misao's heart broke. There was another symbol she had never thought about. There was another belt for the Okashira: the triple buckled belt. She never got it from Aoshi when she became the new Okashira, and never did she name her Shadows. What was she then? Was she simply a surrogate Okashira, not able to cope with the title? This may have been what Aoshi thought, as he had never given her the belt. And yet he didn't wear it anymore. So what? Was the Oniwabanshuu dead with Hannya and the others? Were they really dead with Aoshi's madness? 

For that girl, for Yukiko, obviously they weren't. And if not for anything else, it was a reason for Misao to respect her. That girl was a true ninja, with her pride shining forth around her.

Misao felt she was falling apart. Her eyes locked on something she was the only one to see, she got up, breathed in deeply and concealed the tears in her voice and in her heart.

"It's late, I'm going to sleep now." She muttered.

Aoshi nodded; the others were too drunk to notice.

Gathering all her strength, Misao somehow managed to reach the door without running, and rushed into the corridor. As she was not paying attention, she nearly bumped into Yukiko who came back from the bathroom, her shirt damp and smelling of soap. Yukiko avoided the collision with the disconcerting ease of a well-trained ninja. 

"Where are you going Misao-chan?" Her voice was gentle, but Misao could catch a glimpse of harsh bitterness behind the sweetness.

"Going to sleep. It's been a long day."

"Oyasumi nasai, then."

"Oyasumi nasai as well."

And she left the older girl before she could have a chance to see the tears filling her eyes and the resentment filling her heart. 

_A true ninja,_ she thought harshly._ A skilled one, and so much more worthy than me I can't even think of vying with a girl like her. _

_She's everything I'm not._

_______

End of chapter 3

_______

**Author's notes :** Hey hey did you like it ??

I want to bet something… I'll bet that now everyone HATES that poor Yukiko !! Wow she's not _this_ nasty !! Well okay she sounds a bit bitchy for the moment but… you'll meet another facet of her in another chapter… and she's not the strong-minded and cold-hearted girl she pretends to be. And she really is a respectable and worthy girl. I DO like her anyway !! I'll support her until the end !!!

Oh and just a thing… I imagined this whole thing about the belts. I just noticed that Aoshi wore a triple buckled belt in his firsts appearances, and not after the death of Hannya and the others. Then Okina and Hannya and Shikijou wore that strange twin buckled belt and I imagined this delirium about ranks in the Oniwabanshuu and that thing about the Shadows… That's all !! Don't kill me !! And don't kill me because Yukiko was Aoshi's hired (wo)man !!

Now please please review !!

If you liked, please review. If you didn't like, please review. If you have no advice, please review ! If you are a strange green-skinned Martian, please review ! If you think I'm crazy, please review !!! If you are Aoshi-sama, huh… DON'T review, send me an email this your address and phone number ;) !!!


	4. Chapter 4 : Don't speak

**Catching hold of you**

Hi minna !! 

Chapter 4 finally !!! This fic progresses slowly… well I'm a slow writer. By the way… I've got lots of mails and reviews of readers about my stupid bet in the last chapter, telling me that I was wrong and that they liked Yukiko very much… Wow I'm wondering whether I won't have to make that fic be an Aoshi X Yukiko fic if I don't want to get killed by readers ^_^;; … But no !!! This is and will remain an AxM fic !!! GO ON MISAO-CHAN !!! (or so I hope…)

Special thanks to Chris for pointing me my mistakes in part 3… Wow wow my English is a disaster !!

Enough of my stupid and crazy ramblings !! Enjoy and please review ^___^ !!

______

Chapter 4 :

______

Misao turned over and over, rolled onto her right side, then onto the left, and finally she jerked up out of her blankets, frowning in annoyance. Her bloody mind was not going to give up and let her rest in peace, she thought with a pang of anger. Indeed, no matter how hard she closed her eyes and tried to sleep, her thoughts remained fixed on Aoshi and Yukiko. Especially on Yukiko's sarcastic smirks; those devilish grins twisting her apparently angelic face. 

_How can a girl look so beautiful and nice and yet reveal such a fiendish facet of herself?_ _I wonder if my mind is playing tricks on me, or if the others have the same feeling about her…_

Well obviously Okon felt resentment against Yukiko too but at first sight it didn't pertain to any kind of fear. In Misao's case, it was a deep thrill of anguish and distress every time she had met Yukiko's eyes during the evening. And it still bothered her. The girl was threatening her in some way, and none of them were going to give up. Yet Misao knew she was launching into a fight she was sure to lose.

Sighing, she got up and dragged her feet to the window. December cold air would freeze her burning face for once and then maybe she was at last going to fall asleep. The sharp wind rushed in the room and Misao wrapped her arms tightly around herself to retain the warmth. She moved to sit on the edge of the window, her bare legs lay limply on the wooden frame and she set one of her feet on the tiles of the roof. She closed her eyes; her jaw set; and she just enjoyed the feeling of the glistening moonlight on her face.

A more powerful gust reminded her of the temperature, and she was about to come back in the room when she noticed the yellow pools of light cast by the windows of the first floor on the sparkling snow, gleaming like two large golden eyes in the blue landscape.

_They are still up?_

It was hours since she had left everyone in the dining room, and she had expected everybody to have left as well. But when she thought about it, she hadn't heard Aoshi coming back in his room yet. So, she thought with annoyance, he still was in the dining room and undoubtedly the girl was there too. Ruffling her hair, Misao shook her head.

_Stop thinking like that. After all he is not a child, he can do whatever he want. You don't care. Remember Misao, you-don't-care._

Her hand fell back in her lap, and she sighed. Aoshi had never shown any sign he loved her, he cared for her, or he didn't want her to flirt with anyone, so why should she feel upset about him spending time with the lovely ex-ninja? She shouldn't care. Let him live his life and give up with the whole torment of running after him for only getting pure disillusions. He was waiting for that girl downstairs. Why should she care? All she wanted, all she had worked hard for, was his happiness. She wanted him to forgive himself, to find his way of life releasing his guilt and sorrow. 

_So why do I feel so sad, thinking he could be happy with Yukiko?_

_Because you wanted to be happy too, and happy with him_, her mind muttered. Misao's shoulders slouched. What if she couldn't be happy with him? Did he really love that girl in the past? Does he still love her? Did he care more for a girl who left him years ago than for another who had patiently watched over him during the years? 

Her musings were interrupted by an almost inaudible noise coming from downstairs. Instantaneously Misao flattened on the roof, merging into the shadows to watch what was going to happen, whatever the noise came from. It was an old ninja habit, and Misao thanked the gods she had kept training everyday; she had been fast enough to hide herself and to observe, remaining unseen. Lying on the tiles, she crawled towards the edge of the roof, making sure not to let the tiles creak when she moved. 

The open door closed, and a thin silhouette was outlined in the blue-black night, facing the stars alone, it treaded upon the snow. It was pretty dark but the long glossy hair falling on the back of the figure allowed no doubt about her name. Misao's eyes widened as she stared at the girl standing in the cold wind. Yukiko's eyes were closed, as if she invited the sharp air to take her away, her shoulders slightly stooped as if discouraged, and a sad smile played on her face, so different from the defiant one she was wearing during the dinner. Misao's astonishment reached its peak. _Could it be possible that this girl was only wearing a mask, playing a role? Could her apparently self-confident and blustered self only be a façade? _The girl Misao saw in front of her looked like a broken one.  She looked deeply distressed and lost. _Was Yukiko like this when she thought no one was around watching her?_

But almost immediately the door opened again, cutting Misao's questions short, as another person came out. The girl hidden on the roof tried to get smaller and smaller so as not to be located, as she recognized the long beige trench coat that the man was carrying under his arm. Misao glanced at the girl standing in the snow, and wondered whether she had dreamed or not as the girl was smirking provocatively again. Had she imagined the whole thing? Aoshi and Yukiko were facing each other, obviously not noticing someone was spying.

_What on earth am I doing?! I am spying Aoshi-sama while he is with this… this woman!! _

Yet Misao couldn't move; firstly because she would be spotted easily by the two skilled ninjas and would find herself in a very embarrassing situation, secondary because jealousy didn't allow her to miss a single bit of the scene. Her eyes narrowed when, as her sight got accustomed to the darkness, she saw Yukiko's features soften when she noticed the intruder was Aoshi. The girl opened her mouth and spoke, but even Misao, with her sharp ninja senses, was to far away to hear as the wind rushed in the wrong direction.

_Kuso!! I can't hear a thing from where I am!! _

And she couldn't even think of moving closer from the two; both of them were well-trained ninjas, and she wouldn't risk getting stabbed and sliced by Aoshi's kodachis. Fuming with rage inwardly, Misao clenched her fists and watched Aoshi and Yukiko exchange a few words, and then leave the Aoiya; out of sight.

_______

From the corner of his eye, Aoshi saw Yukiko mutter a word of apology to a very drunk Okina who didn't even notice and kept babbling happily. The girl nodded absent-mindedly and got up with a forced smile. Inwardly Aoshi had to admire her patience, as she had kept the old ninja company throughout the whole evening, never getting angry or annoyed with his jokes and crises of hilarity, unlike Misao who would have killed the old perverted man at least three times. Misao… Why was he suddenly thinking of her? He had been oddly saddened by the tension he had felt between the two girls. Of course he knew that it was illusory to imagine those two could be friends; there was too much resentment from every angle, he knew that. But if they declared war, he was not sure he would be able to choose his side. Aoshi shook his head slightly.

_Don't be stupid, Shinomori. Why on earth should you choose a side? _

But he saw Yukiko threading her way outside without anyone noticing but himself. Sighing slightly, he got up this time, leaving Okina alone - but the drunk old man didn't realize that he was on his own. Aoshi grabbed his trench coat, and opened the door, following Yukiko outside. She had to be mad or really upset to go for a walk at such an hour without a coat. 

As soon as he was outside, he spotted the young woman easily, as she was standing a few steps away in the garden covered with snow. She had to have heard his treading through the snow, since she did an about-turn, glaring at anyone who had disturbed her. Keeping his distances, he merely blinked as she stared at him. With a kind of relief, he saw her face relax, but he felt in her ki that she was working hard to regain her composure.

"Hai?" she asked in a soft voice.

"You shouldn't stay outside, it's very cold tonight."

"I don't mind. I'm not cold."

Aoshi felt, at his own stupefaction, ill at ease with what he wanted to ask. He took a deep breath, and spoke.

"Do you want to have a talk?"

The young woman nodded. 

"Let's talk a while, but not here. I can't help feeling trapped in that house," she confessed.

Aoshi nodded as well, and both of them began to walk in silence. At first, they seemed to enjoy the peace of the calm night, but soon the silence became uncomfortable. They were just walking, side by side, neither of them daring to breath a word. Finally, they reached the edge of the forest, and with a tacit agreement they stopped there. As the silence was really heavy, Aoshi decided it was about time to break it.

"You didn't change, Yuki. You've drunk even more than Okina and yet you're sober."

"You're still using that stupid nickname, Aoshi", she said with a tone of false reprimand, but deep down it was obvious that she quite liked him calling her with her childhood name.

"As you've always been calling me Aoshi, and never Aoshi-sama."

"Should I? I'm sorry but I can't. To me you'll stay Aoshi, that's all!" she retorted rather happily.

"It's better that way," he answered with an even voice.

Yukiko let herself fall her back on a tree, and she glanced at Aoshi, who stood stoically by her side. Diverting her gaze, she sighed and spoke softly, her voice filled with nostalgia.

"I don't know whether I changed or not, but you did, Aoshi."

"I know." His tone was low, as if his voice had to struggle to at least come out. Yukiko's eyes saddened.

"Where are Hannya and the others? I'd be glad to see them."

Aoshi sighed and didn't answer. But he leaned against the tree trunk, his gaze fixed on an especially shining star, far away from Yukiko. Of course, he had expected that question to come, but he really didn't want to answer. The rip in his heart still hurt. An uneasy silence began to spread, and Yukiko bowed her head, wrapping her arms tightly around her knees.

"They're dead."

Aoshi's sharp voice resounded in the silence. Yukiko nodded absently to acknowledge the bad news, but didn't add anything, as she understood that their death had been very hard to accept for Aoshi. She wanted to know, but she restrained her request. Tears filled her eyes when she thought of them: Hannya was her friend, after all. She had had very few friends in her whole life, she could have counted them on her fingers, but Hannya was one of them. And now he was dead, and she had not even known.

"Why didn't you come back to the Aoiya earlier?" This time Aoshi's voice was soft, soothing, as if he wanted to make up for his harshness a moment earlier. Yukiko answered, but her tone was tired, betraying a deeply buried resentment.

"I was proud, Aoshi. I didn't want to be the one who would give in first. And…" Her voice shook a little. "And I didn't have any reason to come back. I didn't want to see you again, Aoshi."

Aoshi nodded.

"I know."

"So why do you ask?"

Aoshi looked surprised, then regain his composure. He diverted his gaze, not answering.

"Are you married?" the young woman asked casually.

"No. Are you?"

"No of course not. I couldn't marry anyone if he not the man I loved."

Another uncomfortable silence started to spread, but Yukiko spoke again.

"Do you remember what I told you the night when I left?"

"Yuki, I don't want to speak about that." Aoshi's voice was harsh and cold, threateningly cold. Yukiko's shoulders dropped.

"It's okay, I understand." Her own voice sounded irritated but weak too. How much she hated herself for sounding so weak… 

Aoshi stretched out his hand, inviting her to get up. She grabbed it, letting him support her weight as she jumped on her feet and quickly wiped the dust from her skirt. 

"Let's go back home." Aoshi merely said, and started walking quietly towards the Aoiya. Yukiko nodded and followed him, her eyes both sad and defiant.

_______

Misao's eyes flitted as she woke up, finding herself lying on the ground and rolled up in a sheet that she had obviously grabbed in her slumber. Groaning, she rubbed her temples and tried to reconstruct what could possibly have happened. Let's see… she had gone to bed, couldn't sleep, and then… and then she had caught Aoshi and Yukiko talking in the garden… and she had tried to wait for them to come back… but she had presumably fallen asleep.

Gathering both her thoughts and strength, Misao got up and stretched her limbs that ached from sleeping on the floor. She yawned while catching her ninja outfit, she slipped into it, bandaging her breasts tightly to hide them, and tied her bow so that it held her shirt close and tight on her muscular body. Humming softly, she picked up the blanket on the floor, folded it and the futon as well. Before leaving her chamber for the day, she carefully slid her kunai in the sheaths she wore tied up around her thighs, hidden by her shorts, and she smiled when she hid the last one in her sash. Greeting the sun dancing on her face, she was ready to confront the new day.

Misao was walking in the corridor when the row of a loud discussion hit her ears. Frowning in concern, she edged her way to the door the noise was coming from… which meant… Okina's office ? Her eyes darkened. Okina usually didn't receive any visitor this soon, unless it was really urgent. Anyway, the Oniwabanshuu members wouldn't recklessly disturb him without a good reason; behind his cheerful-grandfather's face, he was hiding one of the most terrible ninjas of the whole Oniwabanshuu. But obviously at this moment the discussion was dead serious. Okina's low voice rang as Misao stuck her ear against the shoji.

"Yukiko, it's okay. Don't bother with telling lies to everyone, Aoshi-san explained me everything."

_So he is with Yukiko… Lies? Let's see… It may be interesting…_

The woman inside seemed to start and remained speechless, taken off-guard. After a short silence, she breathed with an almost inaudible voice, "Aoshi… told you?"

Misao could faintly hear Okina nodding.

"You can stay here as long as necessary. Yakuzas have not to be regarded rashly, they're more powerful than you seem to believe. As long as you'll stay in the Aoiya, the Oniwabanshuu will protect you."

"I don't need your protection! I'm far strong enough to take care of myself! Stop talking as if you were my guardian, Okina!" Yukiko roughly retorted, anger raising in her voice.

Okina sighed and sat, trying to calm down the fierce woman in front of him, although he know it was useless.

"Yukiko, I am not your guardian, but I do care about you. I feel great affection for you, and I respected your father a lot."

"Don't… Don't speak about that man… That man is not my father!" Yukiko's tone raised and failed, remaining only a broken whisper.

_Is she… crying?_

"I hate him, you know?! I don't even want to think of that bastard ! If he was still alive… I would be the one who would kill him, with my own hands." Oh no, she was not crying, and her voice burned with long buried hate and anger.

_How can she hate her father so much? _

The shoji bursted open, and a Yukiko disfigured with anger and hatred rushed out of Okina's office. Misao only got enough time to jump away from the shoji she was listening against and regain her composure before the angry woman turned around and discovered her. Yukiko's eyes widened and she glared at Misao, her bottom lip shaking despite her efforts to look calm and quiet.

"Were you… Were you listening?"

Misao gritted her teeth and faced the furious girl, staring straight in her eyes.

"Of course not. I was just walking in the corridor, but you were making such an exhibition…" She hoped her lie was sounding truthful. Yukiko's look flashed and Misao was certain that if Okina wasn't there, the woman in front of her would have slapped her. Trembling with rage, Yukiko breathed in deeply to smothe her anger and looked daggers at the younger girl. As she spoke, her voice had found her low and soft tone again.

"Would you mind if I brought his tea to Aoshi for once?"

Misao's jaw nearly fell to the floor, and she starred at the older as if she didn't understand. Yukiko's defiant eyes probed hers with piercing accuracy, and Misao could have sworn she had seen a slight smile dancing on her lips. But the woman went on, sounding annoyed.

"His tea… Can I bring it today? There's something I must tell him, so I can bring his tea in the meanwhile."

Misao nodded although her fist clenched until the knuckles turned white.

"It's okay." She returned her defiant stare to Yukiko. She had to be a good loser this time, but she promised to herself that she wouldn't give in tomorrow. No matter who was this Yukiko and whatever her relationship with Aoshi could have been in the past, the tea ceremony was a privileged moment that only Misao herself had a right to share with Aoshi.

_______

Breathing in and bracing herself, Misao threw two knives at the target hanged on the wall, then knowing that they would hit their aim, she jumped lithely backwards and punched the void, miming a fight. She was moving faster and faster, reaching the extreme limit between balance and imbalance, each time about to fall and yet linking with another swift motion. Misao was aware she could handle such speed for a long time, and would uselessly waste her energy, but in the evening when the day had been such hell, she liked feeling empty and totally worn-out. Like this, she would be too exhausted to feel the threatening aura of the young woman who had moved in the Aoiya and to even notice the sympathetic looks that Okon and Omasu casted at her. 

Panting heavily, her heart pounding furiously for having tossed so much blood, she stopped her kata and sighed with contentment as she started gathering her kunai scattered everywhere in the training hall. She felt oddly at ease, fiding peace in fighting. Leaning against the wall, Misao grabbed a flask she had taken with her, full of cold water, and drank big gulps.

The door of the training hall grated, and Misao choked on her water as she recognized the familiar aura surrounding the presence. What was _he_ doing here ? She knew that fighting ki very well ; but today it seemed more… agressive, less inhibited. Regaining her composure, Misao straighted her back and waited for him to come in. 

Light steps resounded on the threshold. A figure appeared in the doorframe. But… it was not Aoshi. Instead of him stood Yukiko's slender silhouette, her fighting ki radiating all over the room. Misao's eyes widened.

_Aoshi and she… have the same fighting ki ?!_

The young woman stepped in, searching the hall with her eyes.

"Oh, you're here Misao-chan?"

Misao grinded her teeth in annoyance and blurted out, "Stop calling me 'Misao-chan'."

Yukiko's eyes sparkled mischievously, almost nastyly.

"I'll stop when you're worthy of it, Misao-chan."

Misao frowned, anger raising through her whole body, rushing in her veins like a lethal venom, but she said nothing. Yukiko glanced at her, then closed her eyes, bracing herself.

"I had come to train, but I thought no one would be there at such an hour."

Misao stared at the woman: she was wearing the same outfit as earlier, but a short sword hung on her back, its sheath was tied with a piece of dark red ribbon across her chest. A small smile found its way on Yukiko's lips, as she raised her hand above her head to grab the hilt of her sword and unsheath it in a metallic ring, the blade gleaming in the twilight and reflecting the diabolical glow in its owner's eyes.

"So what about a fight?", Yukiko asked in a low, fierce voice.

A chill of dread ran along Misao's nape and her eyes remained fixed on Yukiko's weapon, staring at the sharp blade in disbelief as she felt sweat forming on her forehead, knowing too well that kind of sword…

_K-Kodachi?!_

_______

To be continued…

_______

**Author's notes** : Well the plot progresses slowly… but at this rate, this is going to be a long fic… I thought it wouldn't exceed 5 chapters but it will at least take 10, it seems… Hey I know, some passages are not really interesting and I should take them out…. Well I'll finish the story first and then maybe I'll go over again and make a "refined version". Anyway, I hope this is not _too_ boring !!

But next chapter is going to be very interesting… Everything moves faster !!! Yukiko vs Misao's fight !!! Blood everywhere (no, actually there's no blood everywhere but hey… you'll see that ;-) ) And lots of other things… 

Reviews are very very welcome ^_^ !! Thanks to all readers and reviewers !!


	5. Chapter 5 : Don't show your weaknesses

**Catching hold of you**

Minnaaaaaaa !! It has been such a while !!! Gomen gomen gomen gomen for not uploading anything during such a long time. I have had very serious hardware problems with my computer, which made I lost all my work - including the first part of this chapter, that I had to rewrite entirely. Adding to this my first days in my new high school where I got more work than I could ever handle, I was kind of depressed, and my will for writing felt the effects of it. 

BUT, I want to thank very very very much everyone who supported me, friends and readers, especially reviewers. When I read their kind reviews, I immediately felt better. It really means a lot to me. SO, VERY BIG THANKS TO : CrazedButCalm, Seychella, Bumblebee-Queen, Dementedchris, le bleu phenix, g3ozLizh, Koia, Mica-chan, SilverNimbus, sunny, Akari_saxy, Jac'Kee, Kartos, Serena, card_mistress, ShadowKat and Mute Button for their kind reviews !!!!!

Thanks to all people who sent me emails too. And special thankies to Kartos who added me in its favourite authors !!!! I jumped from my seat when I saw this !!! It truly makes me so happy !!

Now read and enjoy !!! Please review minna !!

______

Chapter 5: Don't show your weaknesses

______

As she caught Misao's staggered expression, Yukiko's smile widened the slightest bit. Her eyes narrowed, gleaming insanely, as if she took malicious pleasure in astonishing the younger girl in front of her.

"Why are you suprised?", she asked, defiantly scanning Misao's eyes. "Aoshi and I studied together. He was my mate when we learned how to use kodachi and…"

Yukiko moved swiftly, gracefully jumping in the air to land a few meters away from Misao, and with an incredible agility she adopted her pose to start the fight, her short blade ahead of her face.

"… how to use kempo, too. Do you think to be up to it, Misao-chan?"

A lump came to Misao's throat. Who was this girl? Had she come to the Aoiya with the only intention of humiliating her? Of course she was not up to it. In no way she could hold its own against Aoshi-sama, but this woman could. Yukiko had a level of fighting she had not, she knew that already. Misao's eyes frowned, her teeth clenched. Even though she was not match for Yukiko, even though she could get wounded or even worse, she was going to take up the challenge. Maybe she wouldn't make Yukiko stifle her sarcasm, but at least she'd show her that the bravest was not necessarily the one Yukiko thought. Placing a huge grin on her face, Misao braced herself for Yukiko's attack and answered.

"Ok, come on. I'm waiting for you."

Yukiko's smile grew wider. Misao's vision became blurred, and a second later, Yukiko had disappeared. Everything took place in a millisecond, but to Misao it seemed an eternity. Time seemed to have slowed down to the extreme limit. She saw Yukiko's blade shining in the darkness just above her, the older ninja merging in the shadows. The sword was crashing down on her, but… she was unable… to move… Everything seemed so slow… almost motionless… But if she didn't move, that sword was going to injure her…

_NOW !!_

Something screamed in her mind and Misao tore herself from her drowsiness, throwing her body out of Yukiko's way, guided by an incredible and unknown strength. Immediately, the whole world found its usual speed again, and Misao felt snatched in a staggering whirl of images and sensations. As her elbow hit the ground, hard, she heard Yukiko's kodachi sinking into the parquet floor, where she was standing less than a second earlier. Misao rolled over the floor and got up a few meters away, slightly shaking but unharmed. 

_Don't loosen your guard!_

But Yukiko didn't seem disposed to fight back just right now. Instead of that, she was standing in the middle of the training hall, looking at Misao with a half smile on her lovely face, as though slightly amused.

"Not bad, Misao-chan, not so bad. Even if I thought during a moment you wouldn't move to dodge."

Then her usual defiant grin took its place on her lips again, and she spoke in a casual tone, tearing her sword off from the floor with a cold rustling.

"Second round, now. Try to attack me, Misao-chan."

Without even taking time to breathe, Misao jumped and ran towards Yukiko. At the same time, her fingers slipped along her thigh and met the reassuring coldness of metal. Clutching her fist on her kunai, she let out a long battle cry and hurtled four knives at her opponent; then, without a look to see if the strike had hit its aim, she jumped to the ground and threw her heels towards Yukiko's face in a supple flip. 

But when she expected to meet soft flesh and tough bones, her feet only mixed emptiness. And as Misao tried to recover her balance to land on the feet, she dreadfully felt long and cold fingers knotting around her ankle with uncommon strength that hurled her to the floor. Misao desperately tried to hit Yukiko wherever she could reach her, but her fists only met air, and as she felt thrown out to the ground, a lightning pain went through her right side, where the hilt of Yukiko's sword banged her, and radiated through her whole body. 

Misao bit her lip till the blood came to hold back a scream of pain, as Yukiko release her ankle and as she fell on the ground, her head hitting the wooden floor, She wasn't feeling anything at all as her mind was clouded by the suffering coming from her right side. And, terrifying, a thought flashed in her mind.

_I'm going to die. She's going to kill me._

Gathering her last strength, her every thought concentrated on not letting herself get killed, Misao managed to get up, casting aside the pain, ready to dodge Yukiko's next strike.

_Don't show your weaknesses…_

Yet Yukiko didn't even try to attack. Instead of striking, she slid her kodachi back in its sheath, hanging in her back, and she came towards Misao, looking both concerned and slightly amused.

"Hey, Misao-chan, are you alright? I think we should stop now… I don't want anyone of us to get hurt, it's only a training fight after all. Thanks for the match."

And with that, she bent over to take her leave and left Misao alone in the training hall. Still in a haze, Misao's eyes followed her until she got out of the room, as the young onmitsu girl kept her face impassive, not showing a hint of pain. But as soon as the slim shadow of the young woman disappeared, the ache knocked Misao down and she collasped on the floor. Leaning against the wall, she curled in a ball, tears rising in her eyes as she pressed her hands on her injured ribs to try and soothe the burning pain that spread up to her limbs. Even her breathing was painful: every gulp of air sent like needles of fire all along her body.

Misao didn't know whether her injury was really serious or painful but superficial; her mind couldn't get rid of the suffering. Finally, she curled in foetal position, her wound not being so painful that way, and, exhausted and having no strength left, she fell asleep.

______

When Misao woke up, the sun was declining on the snowy landscape in the doorframe of the training hall. It had to be late afternoon, as winter sun set early. She rubbed her eyes, and again the pain flashed through her being. But it had rather calmed down, and was quite bearable now. Misao stretched her stiff limbs: her ankle and knee, where Yukiko had grabbed her, hurt like hell, and her head panged as though something in it wanted to come out. Her breathing still hurt too, but she had gathered enough strength now to bear it. Leaning against the wall, she managed to get up. She felt weak, but her legs were robust enough to support her weight. Actually, it was not so bad, even though her ankle was slightly swollen - but her right side had to be really injured, as every step tore her a bit more. Maybe she had a broken rib.

Misao went out of the training hall, her walk slightly hesitant and unsure, but she managed to hide quite well that she was hurting. No way she was going to show to everyone that Yukiko had beaten her up easily, and how terrible she had to look like precisely now. And she was realizing how stupid she had been: of course Yukiko was going to injure her to death, not here, in the Aoiya, probably nowhere anyway. Misao had been so blinded by her hatred towards the young woman and by her will to win, that she hadn't considered that it was only a training match, no real fight. Had she only told that she was hurt, Yukiko would certainly have stopped.

But it was too late for complaining; she had been stupid, and now she was wounded and in need of help. How was she going to manage to catch bandages and medicines without anyone noticing? As she was inwardly debating the question, Misao reached the main building of the Aoiya.

Everything seemed quiet. No one was to be seen. Okina was probably gone for a walk; the others had to be cleaning the restaurant room. And that bitch of Yukiko… Misao didn't care the slightest bit. In hell would be appreciated.

Misao edged her way into the corridor, making sure she was as soundless as a mere shadow. The whole building was silent; it definitely had to be deserted by everyone. She let out a loud breathing she was not even aware she had been holding back. No one would see her in such a pitiful condition. Fast, but not as fast as usual because of her wound that pierced her with painful shivers, she climbed the stairs to take refuge in her private room. But as she reached the last step and started walking silently in the twilight of the corridor, leaning on the wall, a steady and cool voice resounded from behind her.

"Misao, are you alright?"

Misao stopped dead and froze. The world seemed to crush on her.

_No… Not him!_

This wasn't happening. She just couldn't have to come across him while she was looking so appalling and when she just had been miserably beaten by Yukiko, revealing her own weakness. Why on earth had it to be Aoshi?!

Misao straightened her back and tried her best to place a huge genki grin on her face; but it was a waste of time as pain flashed again in her ribs, making her frown slightly. She tried anyway to cast it aside and answered in a voice as reassuring as possible.

"Oh yes, I'm ok, don't worry, Aoshi-sama."

But Aoshi's eyebrows were set, and he stretched his hand to touch Misao's right side. Again, suffering radiated through Misao whole being as Aoshi had just pressed on the most painful point of her injured ribcage, and she let out despite herself a small moan of pain. Cursing herself, she bit her lip and, not even thinking of what she was doing, she knocked Aoshi's hand out of the way with her elbow and tried to protect the injury with her arm, blocking it from Aoshi. Her pearly teeth were making small bloody prints on her lip as tears of pain came to her eyes. 

"Misao?"

Misao raised her eyes to Aoshi's, glaring at him with resentment. It hurt, dammit! But his eyes held in their icy depths confusion and softness, mixed with slight anger. Misao tried to swallow her tears back, ashamed by her own lack of resistance against pain and confused by Aoshi's expression. Her voice less and less assured, she kept protesting, shaking slightly.

"I'm alright, Aoshi-sama, just…"

But she couldn't end up her sentence as she left lifted up by two strong arms and lightly pressed against a warm, muscular chest. Misao shrieked and tried to catch hold of whatever she could grab… and found herself with her arms tied around Aoshi's neck. A deep blush spread on her heated cheeks, but Aoshi needn't seem to notice, as he started walking quietly, readjusting his hold around Misao's back and legs to carry her without hurting her more. Misao bent her head to hide her deep red cheeks. Had she known, she thought with a small smile, she would have gotten hurt ages ago… 

Aoshi came to his room, he lightly kicked the shoji open, walked towards his futon and laid Misao down on the bed. Not even daring to breathe, she looked at him as he grabbed her shirt and… started taking it off?!

_Whaaaaaaaaat???!!_

Misao flushed furiously and hugged herself tightly, stopping Aoshi from removing her shirt or even doing anything else. Her cheeks were burning and she didn't dare to look at Aoshi, her breathing heavy and quick.

_But what on earth is he thinking?!!_

"Misao, what on earth are you thinking?"

Miso raised her embarrassed eyes and met Aoshi's cool blue-grey ones, looking slightly perplexed and irritated. Aoshi went on quietly.

"How do you want me to tend your injury if I don't take your shirt off?"

Misao blushed even more at her misunderstanding. Bending her head once more, she nodded and removed her shirt with Aoshi's help, as her wound hurt like hell when she had to move her torso.  She immediately crossed her arms on her chest to hide her bandaged breasts. Aoshi didn't - or at least pretended not to - notice, and only pushed Misao's arm lightly back to have a better view on her injury. His eyes widened slightly.

Indeed, the wound was quite impressive. Misao's skin had turned to purple-blue on several inches, and was grazed where the bruise was the darkest. It had stopped bleeding, but obviously it had bled since her chest bandage was soiled with blood. The rib didn't seem broken, but it was certainly cracked.

Aoshi's eyebrow twitched in anger. 

"Who did that?"

Misao bit her lip again. What was she supposed to say? Part of her would have been ecstatic to denounce Yukiko, but… it would have meant that she had to acknowledge her own defeat, her own weakness and her inability to defend herself, to vie with the young woman in a fight… And this was the last thing she wanted to admit in front of Aoshi, especially when she saw him expressing such respect to that woman because of her skills… If he ever thought that she wasn't worth of his attention because she wasn't even able to launch a fight decently, that she didn't fit in the Oniwabanshuu… she couldn't stand it…

"I tripped in the stairs", Misao lied with a stern voice. She knew Aoshi knew that she was lying when she saw him raise his eyebrow questioningly, but she didn't add anything, remaining mute. Aoshi seemed to be satisfied with that version of the facts and didn't ask any other question. 

Aoshi got up and caught a box on one of his shelves. His room was very simply furnished, quite impersonal; his only personal things were very carefully ranked on one of the shelves, like this box. Aoshi opened it; it happened to be a first-aid box. Without uttering a word, he grabbed some bandages and a little goblet full of a yellow-greenish ointment. He knelt down by Misao, and started applying the cream on her injury, massaging lightly, making sure he wasn't hurting her. At first, the ointment stung, but the pain numbed fast thanks to the medicine and Misao only felt Aoshi's fingers on her skin. 

It felt good. His fingers were warm and soft, soothing her aching skin. She didn't feel awkward anymore. It just felt nice.

Misao hardly held back an annoyed groan when Aoshi stopped massaging her injury to bandage it as the ointment had totally melted in her skin. He himself didn't seem more concerned than if he was reading a book, but to Misao, it didn't matter. Finally, Aoshi had finished tending her wound, and he got up, inviting her to do so as well. She noticed contently that her side was hardly hurting anymore. It was carefully treated, and the slight ache was very acceptable. She turned back towards Aoshi, her cheeks blushing softly. 

"Thank you very much, Aoshi-sama."

Aoshi remained unruffled, but held her the goblet of ointment. 

"Keep it for the moment. You'll apply some on your wound twice a day until it heals."

Misao nodded.

"Ok. Arigatou gozaimasu Aoshi-sama."

And she went out, closing the door behind her.

______

After Misao had closed his door, Aoshi waited for a short time, just to be sure that she wouldn't be lurking around and wouldn't have the bad idea to follow him. He grabbed his trench coat, but left his kodachi. He didn't need them, they would be too bulky for searching the forest, and if he were ever attacked, kempo would probably be enough. So Aoshi slipped out of his room and silently left the Aoiya to have a walk in the woods.

In fact, he had his very own idea about who could have wounded Misao this way. And he had seen this precise person disappear in the forest a few hours ago. What was difficult now, was to find her in all this snow, but he knew quite well where to find her. The heavy coat of snow covering the iced ground of the forest slowed his path down. Finally, he reached a sort of clearing not far away from the edge of the wood. The landscape looked very different from the last time he had seen it: everything seemed smothered, soothed; the snow softened the lines. Aoshi scanned the clearing, and caught side of long, black hair jutting out from behind a tree trunk. Sighing slightly, he walked towards the young woman leaning against the tree.

"This is where you're hiding, Yuki?"

The girl jumped and turned towards Aoshi.

"I'm not hiding the slightest bit. I knew that you knew I were here."

She got up, dusting the snow from her skirt. 

"So what do you want, Aoshi? I was meditating, you interrupted me."

Aoshi's eyes narrowed.

"Why did you hurt Misao?" he asked straight out.

Yukiko shrugged her shoulders. 

"I did not mean to hurt her. She didn't dodge my strike, I couldn't do anything else."

Aoshi looked at her, puzzled and annoyed. Of course, he did know that Yukiko was unconcerned about anyone's fate; he knew her persona too well. But then… he knew he couldn't blame her for not _understanding_… no matter how much it irritated him…

"Yuki, but _why_? It's so stupid… Why did you fight her? You knew she was no match for you!"

"I wanted to see if you had done good work with your lovely, beloved little protégé, Aoshi…" she answered acidly, almost violently.

Aoshi stared at her. It was one of the very few moments when emotions could be read freely on his face, through his eyes; and just now they reflected confusion, as Aoshi was startled beyond words by Yukiko's revolt. But again his face froze, its mask of unfathomable ice coming back. He grabbed Yukiko by the shoulder and shook her slightly.

"You knew very well I didn't want anyone of both of you to be hurt! Nor you, nor Misao… So why did…"

But he stopped when he caught sight of Yukiko's grimace of pain. Frowning, he took his hand away and, suddenly inspired, he pushed back Yukiko's sleeve to look at her shoulder. His eyes widened when he saw two deep wounds in the creamy skin on her shoulder, like two stabs of knives.

"What…?"

Yukiko diverted her gaze, brushing Aoshi's hand away from her shoulder, and she pulled her sleeve back dowm. Still gazing at something that seemed far, very far away from Aoshi, she muttered in a dull, smothered voice.

"You did good work, Aoshi… Very good work indeed… You should be proud of her…"

Aoshi remained silent, then nodded.

"I am."

Definitely, Misao was no child anymore. And, he thought with a bittersweet pang, she was growing to be a very beautiful woman, and a very good ninja.

______

End of chapter 5

______

**Authors's notes :**

Hey minna !! Did you like ? I wanted to write that fight and that little part of sweetness between Aoshi and Misao for quite a long time now. Yet, everything is not won for Misao-chan !! Rivalry is really tough… And Yukiko has not said her last word ! 

In the next chapter, Misao and Yukiko will have a little conversation in an… unexpected place. And you may learn more about Yukiko and Aoshi old relationship !! Among other things, of course…

Hey minna don't you know ? Reviews are very welcome ^^ !! So please spend 1 lil'minute to leave me your advice !!


	6. Chapter 6 : Lies

**Catching hold of you**

Hi minna-san !!! Chapter 6, yeaaaah !! In this chapter, you may learn that Yukiko and Misao share a lot of things (besides Aoshi, of course……)

Big thanks to : Al Bundi, Mikazuki, Noa, Sai, M2D, Chri, le bleu phenix, erin and the Mysterious Reviewer who didn't let his/her name !! I'll find you, guy !! Thank you everyone, you wonderful people ^^ !! And special thanks to M-A for adding me in his/her favourite authors !! I just can't believe this is happening *blushes*

*WARNING* : some nudity in this chapter. Nothing shocking, I think, but youngest readers shouldn't read. You've been warned ^^ !! AND the rating as been turned to PG-13 for graphic violence… 

_______

Chapter 6: Lies

_______

Misao had been lying on her bed for more than an hour. Thanks to Aoshi's ointment, her wound was not so painful anymore, but the ache was reviving as the medicine was fading. She gritted her teeth when a new shooting pain went through her right side. At dinner Jiya and the others, except Aoshi, seemed to have been amazed that she wasn't eating much; they couldn't understand that every mouthful of food was like a martyrdom when she had to swallow it. Misao felt tired and aching, she wanted to spend time alone and, most of all, she wanted to have a good, hot bath. 

She looked out of the window. A river of thick steam was rising from the chimney of the bathhouse, indicating that someone was already having a bath inside. Misao sighed; if this 'someone' were Okon, the bathroom wouldn't be available before at least one hour, or more. Suddenly, an idea popped in her mind. She could go to… But with all this snow, it wasn't very wise… But…

Misao got up quickly; a small smile played on her lips that disappeared fast as pain made her grimace. But she didn't care; she was in a very good mood, thinking of where she was going: there she would sure be on her own, she wouldn't be disturbed and surely it would be very agreeable… Humming a soft tune, she grabbed a thick coat, a pair of winter boots and a smooth towel on her shelves, then she slipped into the clothes, threw the towel on her shoulder and half-opened the shoji. No one in sight… Using her best ninja skills in order not to be located, Misao edged her way in the corridor, silently hurtled down the stairs and slipped out of the Aoiya.

An icy squall smashed her, and she hardly hold on a giggle as she shivered, her nose turning pink. Misao liked winter; she enjoyed the snow. Raising her eyes to the blue-black sky punctuated with hundreds of glistening stars, she breathed in deeply, smelling the peculiar scent of the cold, sharp air. Then she came back to reality and hurried in the direction of the wood. The soft cover of snow smothered her footsteps as she passed by the first trees, their black trunks standing out on the white-blue snow that reflected the starlight. Misao headed for the depths of the forest; and half an hour later, she reached a high cliff, rising towards the sky, too sheer to be climbed. Half smiling, she walked along the cliff for about ten minutes, and finally found what she was looking for. 

Lying against the cliff, sheltered by an overhang, and surrounded by high pines and rocks covered with snow, was spreading a small onsen. Thin columns of steam were rising from the natural basin of hot water, fraying towards the sky. Misao's eyes started gleaming with contentment as she touched the surface and found deliciously hot water under her fingers. Immediately, she threw her towel on a flat rock near the spring and started undressing. Her teeth were chattering to death as the cold wind rushed around her naked body, her feet reddened as she stepped on the icy snow to enter in the natural hot bath.

In delight, she felt steam and hot water splashing over her skin as she dived in the spring. Misao surfaced again, sighing with happiness, and let herself float above the water, her limbs slightly outstretched. Steam was clouding everything; she hardly could see the rocks on the edge of the basin. Her long, black hair was floating around her, drawing small patterns in the impenetrable water. 

Misao was relaxing in silence, her eyes closed, when she heard something disturbing her soundless serenity. It sounded like… very light footsteps on the snow. Immediately, she hid away behind a rock.

_Shit! It couldn't be worse! I didn't take my kunai with me… Misao no baka… And I'm completely naked, in the bargain! What if I'm attacked now?! Baka!! How could you loosen your guard that way?!_

But the lapping of the water had attracted the attention of the intruder, who called in a suspicious tone.

"Who's here?"

Misao's eyes widened in stupefaction and get out of her hiding place.

"HEY?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!", Yukiko and Misao yelled at the same time. Both of them starred daggers at the other. Blushing furiously as she noted she was standing in front of Yukiko, nude up to the belly, Misao dived again in the water until only her nose and eyes surfaced. She groaned.

"Hey, get away. It's my onsen, and I'm totally naked."

Yukiko shrugged her shoulders, unruffled and mocking.

"As though I cared about seeing you naked. And moreover, it's MY onsen. I knew it even before you were born, little one."

Misao ground her teeth.

"Maybe but you left, so now it's mine." she retorted, hoping Yukiko would catch the hint.

Obviously, it hit close to home, as Yukiko frowned deeply, a little vessel on her temple twitching slightly. She shrugged her shoulders again. 

"Anyway, I came here to have a bath, try to stop me if you can, Misao."

It was Misao's turn to shrug her shoulders, and she didn't answer. On the edge of the basin, Yukiko started removing her shirt; and Misao blushed deeply as the young woman let shamelessly her clothes fall around her, not even caring about her presence. Immediately, jealousy spurred on her. She gritted her teeth, hard.

_She's hundred times more feminine than I am…_ she thought bitterly as she couldn't help but risk a look at Yukiko's well-shaped breasts and marked hips. Indeed, Yukiko was very slim and had a supple, arched back and a pert bottom that would sure please more than one man._ She's more feminine and more beautiful… I HATE her!! _Misao fumed as she discreetly compared her small breasts with Yukiko's full chest. 

Yukiko, as for herself, didn't seem to acknowledge Misao's glances. But she half-smiled mockingly when she noticed the way Misao was trying to hide her just nubile body. She couldn't help but think that Misao was turning into a lovely girl; her body was still childlike but round breasts and narrow hips started to appear. This made her feel quite awkward. Then she noticed that Misao was eyeing at the long scars on her arms, and she turned towards the younger girl.

Indeed Misao had caught sight of strange scars, looking like burns on Yukiko's arms.

_Is that why she is usually wearing those strange black bandages around her arms?_

Yukiko had a crooked smile.

"Hey, don't stare like that. Don't you remember how I got those ones?"

Misao remained mute for a few second, and then shook her head. Yukiko's eyes widened slightly.

"You were five… The headquarters of the Oniwabanshuu had been burned down by ninjas in the Ishin Shishi's pay. I was in the building with a few others when the fire broke out. Fortunately, Aoshi-sama went through the flames and got me out of the blaze. He got burns on his back and I got some on my arms. He saved my life," she explained sternly.

A lump came to Misao's throat. Aoshi had risked his own life to save Yukiko's… He loved her enough to go and look for her in a fire…

After that confession, both of them remained silent, enjoying their bath. About half an hour later, Yukiko spoke again.

"I think we should come back to the Aoiya now. It's past midnight, if anyone sees we are missing, they'll worry."

Misao nodded. Quickly the two of them got out of the hot water. The icy gusts of wind sending light ripples on the surface of the basin immediately embraced them. Clenching her teeth to avoid chattering, her breath turning into a cloud of white steam, Misao hurried to slip in her clothes scattered on the neighbouring rocks. Her fingers, wrinkled and numb from the hot bath, struggled for a long time with her bow before she managed to tie it, and she grabbed her shoes to cover her feet bitten by the snow.

But as she was bending over to catch her towel, Misao heard an almost inaudible, very familiar sound… Emergency signal screamed in her head.

_DOWN!_

Reacting quite instinctively, Misao hurled herself to the ground, obeying her ninja senses; and she had hardly hit the ground when two shuriken wheezed above her head and got stuck in a nearby tree. Not even thinking about what she was doing, Misao rolled on her side, got up as quickly as possible and ran towards a tree, leaning with her back against the trunk to protect the rear. Wild, she barely held on a cry when another shuriken embed in the trunk only a few inches away from her face. Her throat was dry, breathing in and out with pain; she scanned her neighbourhood, trying to remember what Hannya had told her about nocturnal ambushes. And suddenly, something came to her mind.

"Yukiko!! Yukiko, where are you?!", she screamed, looking frantically for the other girl. Had she been killed? Was she hurt, laying on the ground and bleeding? 

"Yu…"

Misao's heart jumped in her chest in absolute terror as a hand wearing a glove was stuck on her mouth. Tears of dread came to her eyes. She tried to get out of the hold of the hand, when a feminine voice murmured in her ear.

"Shhh… Stop that you baka. It's me." The gloved hand released Misao's mouth and the latter turned round.

"Yu… Yukiko?" Misao asked in a strangled voice, glancing to the older ninja. Hidden in the darkness, the young woman was almost invisible, merging in the shadows and the dark tones of the wood as though she herself was cut into some mineral material. Yukiko frowned slightly and answered to Misao's unspoken question.

"There are three guys in the tree in our right, two others in the one on our left, and two other ones in the bushes. It'll be a matter of quickness. The bastards…"

Misao heard her mutter something about 'bloody hired killers' but couldn't quite catch what Yukiko really said. She only felt her strong hand clasping her shoulder, as Yukiko's fiery voice resounded in the silent wood.

"NOW!!"

Misao jumped out of their shelter and felt a feline form rushing by her side and overtaking her. Immediately shuriken surged from everywhere, scratching her arms as she tried to protect her face. Misao saw seven figures jumping from their hiding places, dressed in black suits, identical, and the rain of shuriken stopped as suddenly as it started. Wiping sweat from her forehead, Misao glanced around her; but six of the men attacked Yukiko, only one standing in front of herself. She was disarmed and only had her kempo to fight back. 

The man rushed towards her, and tried to punch her, but she was quick and avoided quite easily his fist, grabbed his wrist and kicked him straight in his jaw. She felt his teeth crack as he stepped back, his jaw probably broken. Her opponent seemed knocked out, but nevertheless he fought back immediately trying to catch her and break her ribs. Misao felt his punch touching her already injured ribs, and she let out a moan of pain. Reacting faster than expected, she managed to grip his nape and hurled his face on her knee, hitting him seriously, and she felt a spurt of fresh blood surging from his broken nose, splashing her naked thigh. The man fell on the ground, almost unconscious, holding his disfigured face desperately as his crushed nose let out a flood of blood, one of his eyes scratched by Misao's nails.

Misao stared at her hands, covered with hot blood; her whole body was stained with large drops of crimson, sticky liquid. She bit her lips, hard. She had… She had been able to hurt someone so badly, so harshly, and as long as the fight had lasted, she hadn't even cared… 

But she was pulled out of her awaken nightmare as another cry of pain surged in her back. Her mind filled with dread, she turned over and her eyes widened. Three of Yukiko's opponents were already lying on the ground… And seeing their condition, there was not doubt they had passed away. Blood streamed on the ground, splashing the immaculate snow with death. And in the middle of this carnage was taking place the most perfect thing Misao had ever seen. She had never seen someone fighting so… perfectly. Hanging in the air like a mysterious and fascinating demon, Yukiko was almost dancing. The most beautiful dance of death ever. Aoshi might be the most efficient fighter; Yukiko's grace was overtaking his most powerful strikes. She just sublimated the art of fighting. She fascinated. She danced. And her sword fell and sliced the flesh, as merciless as her emerald eyes. A goddess of war and death who lived for killing, lived for dying too, she was inaccessible and superb. 

Suddenly, Yukiko's voice reached Misao's subjugated mind.

"Misao!! Behind you!"

Immediately Misao did an about-turn and stared at the shuriken coming with terrible speed towards her face… She bent over, and the weapon skimmed past her shoulder. As she was straightening her back, she saw Yukiko catch the small metallic star between her index and her middle finger, throwing it back to its owner; the man fell dead, his shuriken embed in the middle of his forehead…

And in a last and lithe move, Yukiko crashed her sword down the last fighter's skull, blood flooding for the last time on the now soiled snow. Wiping the dark red liquid from her sword and sheathing it, Yukiko got away from the slaughter. She was slightly pale, her lips drained of blood, her eyes were sunken and empty, just gleaming with a cold and mad anger. And when she spoke, her voice was toneless and harsh.

"Let's go back home."

Misao didn't answer. The landscape around her was crying with blood, sinister scene of a terrible carnage.

_______

_Osaka, September 5, 1867._

_The fire was glowing, red like blood, long flying sparks stretching towards the flared up sky. The heat was unbearable. A heavy smoke was rising above the high building, concealed behind the façade of an inn. Golden flames could be seen coming out of the doors and the windows, trying to consume the second floor._

_"Misao!!"_

_"Oh Aoshi-sama!! It's terrible!! Misao is still in her room!!!"_

_A flash of dread flashed through the young okashira's eyes._

_"Aoshi-sama, don't!! Everything is about to collapse!!"_

______

Misao woke up, her heart jumping to her throat. Straight away a soft and comforting hand stroke her forehead, calming her down.

"Shhh Misao… Everything's okay…"

Misao turned her head towards the sweet, familiar voice, feeling weird and feverish.

"Okon?"

Okon smiled softly, nodding. She was sitting near Misao's futon. The latter couldn't remember when or how she managed to get in bed at all. The last memory etched in her mind was the awful sight of the slaughter in the wood, she thought with a pang of terror. _There was blood everywhere…_

But Okon's comforting hand kept caressing her black hair, and her quiet voice raised in the silence.

"Yukiko told us everything. You were in a great state of shock when you came back. But it's okay now, don't worry."

Misao leaned her head on her pillow. Now that she had awakened, she felt the tension in Okon's hand.

"Is there something wrong, Okon?"

Okon cast her eyes to her face.

"No, no… But… I can't help thinking that Yukiko only brings troubles…"

Misao sighed, staring at the ceiling. Maybe Okon wasn't so wrong. Their soft, peaceful and quiet life had been so disturbed since Yukiko's arrival.

"Where is she?"

Okon got up, looking slightly ill at ease.

"Huh… She's in Aoshi's room."

Misao's heart banged in her chest like thunder. Okon sighed.

"I don't know what they are speaking about. Since you returned, they're locked in that damned room. Okina was allowed to came in, but he doesn't want to explain us what's happening or who were those guys who attacked you."

Misao nodded and listened to Okon as the older girl got out of the room, leaving her rest in peace. But when the young woman opened the door, Aoshi and Yukiko were passing in the corridor. Misao saw Aoshi risking a glance in her room, and stating she had awaken. Yukiko's eyes followed Aoshi's ones and she simply nodded. Aoshi seemed really worried; his eyebrows were set in a deep frown. 

"Are you alright Misao?" he asked, looking concerned.

Misao nodded. Okon glanced at her a last time, and the door shut. 

_______

Aoshi and Yukiko left the febrile tension of the Aoiya to go out for a walk, both of them silent and deep in his thoughts. Suddenly, Aoshi broke the silence.

"You shouldn't have gone outdoors on your own, he said in a worried and cutting tone. You knew the risks, you knew the stakes."

Yukiko's eyes remained dull and empty.

"I didn't know Misao would be there. I thought that if I gave them a chance to attack me away from here, they would and then no one in here would be put into trouble."

Aoshi nodded.

"I didn't say it was your fault… We'll have to explain to the others what you are doing here… and why we had to lie to them…"

Yukiko closed her eyes, her jaw set, slightly shaking. Half smiling, Aoshi raised his hand and softly stroked her cheek.

"Hey, Yuki… Stop keeping all this sorrow and all this fear inside of you… There's no shame in showing it…"

Her lips trembling, Yukiko raised her eyes, pain, uncertainty and dread passing through them. She looked so young that way… when she let emotions run freely on her face, without hiding them behind her provocative mask, that impassive and self-confident façade she wore… Hesitant, Aoshi took her hand and coaxed her to sit down with him on the bench under the large pine tree, spreading its thick foliage of dark needles. Yukiko sat down, leaning her back against Aoshi's, her head lying on his nape. She sighed.

"Remember, Aoshi?" she said as she pointed the sky shuddered with stars, "The Great Bear and… Cassiopeia…"

A ghost of a smile played on Aoshi's lips.

"And the Swan," he added. Yukiko laughed lightly, "Yes, exactly. You taught me that, years ago. I didn't even know how to read. You taught me how to write, and how to become one of the few best ones. And you taught me how to survive when I had nothing left."

She went on, her voice soft and fragile.

"And you told me that your beloved ones became stars when they died. That day, I told you that…"

"So there would be no star for your father…"

Yukiko nodded. She remained quiet, and Aoshi wondered… Was she… crying? He had seen her cry once… But Yukiko turned her head to Aoshi, and her eyes were dry, as her cheeks.

"You know, Aoshi… I lied to Misao, today."

Aoshi raised an eyebrow questioningly.

"That terrible day, when the headquarters were set on fire… I told her that you saved me. But as always… that day you only thought about her…"

Aoshi's eyes widened, looking ill at ease.

"Yuki… I didn't know you were inside. No one told me… I learned about it only when you came out…"

Yukiko's eyes frowned slightly, but her lips stretched in a painful, sad smile.

"But would you have known, would it have changed anything? I know the answer is no… and you know as well…"

"Stop with it, please, Yuki… Today has already been a long day."

"I know."

_______

End of chapter 6 

_______

**Author's notes** : Hum… This was pretty confused… I'll clarify everything in chappie 7 ^^ !! So keep reading !! And finally… You'll learn even more on Yukiko in next part ^^ !! I'm sorry !! I hope you won't drop this story because of this chapter… It's not clear at all, but you'll understand everything in part 7 !! There will be more AxM , more YxA and jealousy from everywhere, more fights, and….. You'll see !!

Be the last one to review !! This is a challenge !!


	7. Chapter 7 : Could I guess ?

**Catching Hold of You**

YAY minna !! Another chappie ^^ !! 

Thanks to : Serena, le bleu phenix, Sai, Crystal, ShadowKat, Jac'Kee, Kartos, Hitokiri Battousai and The Mysterious Reviewer for their reviews !! (I still don't know WHO is the Mysterious Reviewer but I'll find him... It's just a matter of time... Leave me a name next time ^^). Keep reviewing minna, it motivates me so much ^^ !! And special kisses to Hitokiri Battousai ^^ !!

As I said, this is an AxM story, but also an angsty story (ok, not so angsty for the moment, but it'll develop further in next chapters…) !! And please… don't kill me cause Aoshi is really stubborn and indecided. I can't help !! Hey guys, if he just had to say : 'hey Misao, I love you, will you marry me ?', there would be no fic ;) !

_______

Chapter 7: Could I guess?

_______

Omasu half-opened Misao's shoji and glanced into the dark room. A pale and trembling ray of silver moonlight fell on the pillow through the window and its patterns of frost. Omasu frowned as no head was resting on the rumpled cushion, and she came in the room, wanting to make sure the young ninja girl was resting well after all the emotions she had been through. The older girl walked lightly towards the undone bed and silently lifted the thick blanket, finding it already cold; no one was sleeping under it. She frowned and swore between her teeth. As Omasu straightened her back, she pierced through the shadows in the room around her. Where could Misao be? And suddenly, her eyes caught sight of a little body crouched near the window, hardly discernable from the unfathomable darkness around her, her forehead leaning against the icy pane, staring out of the window. 

Misao was motionless, not even noticing someone was in her room beside herself. Her breath let a small cloud of mist on the pane as she breathed in and out steadily, and moist marks of tears remained on her cheeks from her lifeless, dull eyes. Her eyes widening in sadness, Omasu bit her bottom lip as she came towards Misao and sat by her side. Misao didn't acknowledge her presence in any way. She remained huddled up against the window, staring outside. Omasu sighed and started patting Misao's thick, blue-black hair in the comforting way a big sister would. She felt Misao start slightly, and the younger girl began to shake, obviously trying hard to hold back her tears.

"Misao," Omasu spoke softly, "Misao, what's wrong?"

Misao sniffled and pointed with a mere move of her chin at something out of the window. Omasu glanced at what Misao was trying to show her, and her heart constricted in her chest for the young ninja. Outside, the night was still thick and dark, but the white moon was bathing the scene that had so painfully hit Misao's heart in its cold light. Under the high, black pine tree of the garden, Aoshi and Yukiko were sitting on the bench, leaning against each other, and looking so relaxed, so happy of just sharing time together… They just looked like two lovebirds. And, Misao knew that better than anyone, two well matching lovebirds…

Omasu sighed, keeping stroking Misao's dark tresses, and she started speaking softly, her voice sounding saddened but resigned.

"Misao… You can't resent her for loving Aoshi… No one can… You can hate her for her temperament, or for being so provocative, so does Okon, but you can't hate her for loving the only one who ever cared for her… as you do, Misao, just as you do…"

She felt Misao clenching her fist as though she was about to retort something, but Omasu didn't let her enough time.

"Misao, you don't know what she has been through. I can understand what you're feeling, but you have to admit that she deserves happiness as much as you do. Maybe more than you do."

Omasu kindly hugged Misao's shoulders. The latter pushed her back harshly.

"She has no right to interfere with my life! She left, now she has no right on Aoshi left!"

"Who has, Misao, who?" Omasu insisted, "It's his choice, not yours."

Misao didn't react. Omasu went on speaking.

"Yukiko's father, Mizukage-san, was your grandfather's best hired man and friend. He was a great ninja and a man of honour. And most of all, he was the last descendant of a very renowned family of warriors. He was married to a young woman, coming from another powerful family; they had had children, four girls. You're a child of the new era, Misao, so you don't truly understand what this means, but what I'm telling you took place during the former era; this so renowned and feared man had no heir. That's why he… he repudiated his wife and his daughters. It was a matter of honor. Oh Misao, I know, you're thinking this man was a bastard. But this was the custom. He married another woman and had a son."

Misao kept staring out of the window, but she was listening to Omasu.

"His former wife had four dependent children to feed, and she had no choice. She became a prostitute in a pleasure house. She lost her own honor and her family's as well."

Omasu sighed.

"Yukiko was the oldest of the daughters this woman had had with Mizukage-san. She was meant to grow to become a geisha, because of her beauty, as she was the daughter of a prostitute, she hardly had to choose. But she never forgave to her father for what he had done to his wife, her mother. As soon as she has been old enough, she ran away from where she was living with her mother and she learned kenjutsu. It was not easy for a girl, but she succeeded. And when she was eleven, she enlisted to be an Oniwabanshuu. She wanted so much to prove her father that even though she was a girl, she was worthy of his attention and love… But her father… You must understand that in his opinion, she was not his daughter, she was just a bastard. And he treated her like… like an animal… no, worse than an animal… She seemed to disgust him… But she was hard working, and she met Aoshi. He was twelve, and they were in the same training group. She was not really stable, nor was he, and they became friends. And, training together and sharing their respective qualities, they became two exceptional ninjas."

Omasu paused for a moment.

"But when Yukiko was fourteen, her arguments with her father became more and more frequent, and more and more violent. They just seemed to hate each other. And one day… Mizukage-san did something that your grandfather couldn't accept. He entrusted a ninja team and a mission to Yukiko… but this was no normal mission. This was a pure suicide. The other men of the team were hardened ninjas who agreed to die for their ideals, but Yukiko was not warned of the risks. So she went on with this suicide mission… and… she managed to pull through it, but she paid the prize… She was terribly injured, she remained unconscious for months…"

Misao gritted her teeth, hard, and leaned her forehead against the pane again, listening to Omasu.

"When she awoke from the coma, her father had been killed in an ambush. Your grandfather wanted her to leave the Oniwabanshuu; he thought it was not wise from her to stay after all that had happened to her. But a few weeks later, Aoshi became the Okashira, and he placed her under his responsibility. So Yukiko decided it was her job to keep an eye on him. She was really strong and thickheaded, so no one could convince her to drop her idea. In her mind, Aoshi was… he was maybe more than what he means to you. He was the only one who supported her unconditionally. The only one who always believed in her abilities. Most of all, he was the one who had protected her when she was harmed and in need of help; when she had lost everything."

Omasu had stopped caressing Misao's hair. She sighed.

"It was obvious that Yukiko was in love with him. And even though we hardly saw her, where Aoshi was, she was too. She would have gladly sacrificed her life for him. She just consumed her life by loving him. Can you blame her, Misao, for loving him so much? She never knew love. She was hated by her mother for being born and by her father for being a girl. He accepted her as she was. She is only human, Misao. She felt in love with him, that's all."

A small squeak escaped Misao's lips, and the young ninja turned round, her cheeks streaked with hot tears. Omasu's eyes saddened as she just kept gazing softly at her Misao, this girl she regarded as a little sister, and she saw her growing in so much pain. _Will all these trials make her bloom into the most beautiful of flowers or on the contrary would they kill every inch of her strength of mind?_ _Was Misao being destroyed from the inside?_ Omasu mused, but her thoughts were interrupted when Misao buried her head in her comforting embrace, giving up to all her sorrow, accepting her defeat for once, just wanting to let it out. And that was what she did. Never had she cried so hard and so openly in front of anyone. Her tears, warm and inexhaustible, flooded onto Omasu's shoulder, as the older girl wrapped kindly her arms around the younger girl's petite form.

Misao could not tell how long Omasu kept rocking her softly; she had nearly fallen asleep when the tears stopped running down her cheeks, as though she had nothing more to shed inside her. Omasu released her grip around her small shoulders, and smiled weakly, patting her back.

"Misao… It's right to let out from time to time. But don't give up, Misao. You have to fight for the one you love. You are strong Misao. Don't give up your dreams; they are making you who you are. Go ahead and keep being as brave as you are. I'm sure you'll find your future."

Misao felt a lump coming to her throat, but nevertheless she smiled bravely.

"Hai, Omasu. You know me."

Omasu nodded and a draft of a confident smile lit up her face.

"Good, Misao-chan. Now go to bed, dawn is close at hand. You have to sleep."

And with these words, she left and closed the door behind her. Misao sighed and cast a last glance towards her window. Yukiko and Aoshi had left too. She swallowed hardly, and crawled resolutely back in her bed. Omasu was right. She had to hang on her dreams, and not give up. She was strong. She could stand the pain of growing and facing disillusions, and she would also make use of everything she could to win her right to happiness. And lost in her musings, she fell asleep.

..................

The teapot escaped her hand and crashed on the floor in a loud din. Misao sighed in annoyance and slight anguish as it was her third clumsiness since she had woken up, that meant an hour ago. She wore dark rings around her eyes for having slept only a few hours, and yet and she was wholly awake, and nervousness was forming a hard mess in her belly, for she had decided to start bringing Aoshi's morning tea again. Their little intimate ceremony had been stopped tacitly since Yukiko's arrival and Misao could not think of elsewhere to start to regain Aoshi's attention. And as she has assured to Omasu's the day before, she was decided to do whatever was in her power.

Grabbing a rag, she cleaned her mess and threw the pieces in the dustbin, then she chose another teapot on the shelves, being very careful not to drop it this time. She filled it with hot water and tea leaves, smelling the soft scent in the rising steam. Smiling contently but nervously, she straightened her outfit, hoping she looked good and had not forgotten anything. Then she breathed in deeply and lifted the tray up.

Aoshi had not gone to the temple; considering the last events he stayed in the Aoiya, wanting to be sure he would be there if anyone was attacked. Walking as lightly as possible, Misao reached his door and, clenching her fists on her tray until her jointures turned white, she knocked softly at the shoji. Her heart pounding wildly, she heard someone moving behind the panel as if fast tidying everything and Aoshi's low voice raised.

"Come in Misao."

Misao was not surprised he had guessed it was her; he could recognize her every step, her every move. Putting on her face a soft smile to hide the terrible way her insides twisted, Misao opened the door and stepped in the room, closing the door behind her. Everything was in its place and impersonal, no decorations hung on the walls, simple pieces of furniture. And in the middle of the room Aoshi was sitting in seiza position, unruffled. Misao put her tray in front of him and sat wordlessly. 

An uneasy silence spread its coldness between them. Shaking slightly, she tried to ignore it and started pouring the tea in their cups, concentrating on not spilling any around. All her blood had left her phalanges as her hands were so much tensed on the teapot. Her mind was empty, white, and thoughtless. All what she had planned to say had faded with her hardly regained self-control. How could she break the heavy silence, almost tangible around them?

"Misao, I want you to leave the Aoiya."

A long shiver of dread ran along her spine as Aoshi's words echoed in her ears. _What?!_ her mind screamed through her whole being. Her hands shaking uncontrollably, she managed to put the teapot on the tray, anguished madness crushing her heart in her chest. Gathering all her courage, she raised her eyes and stared at Aoshi in fear and incomprehension.

"Wh-what do you mean?" she stammered.

"Only for a few days. I want you to book a room in the Shirobeko and stay there for one day or two." Aoshi went on steadily.

Misao clenched her teeth, tears filling her eyes once more. _NO!! I won't cry… I don't want to cry…_

"B-but why?!"

Aoshi's jaw was set, and his eyes remained sharp and harsh. But he sighed slightly.

"The Aoiya is going to be attacked. In fact, Yukiko works for the police as a spy, and she came here to take shelter from yakuzas she was dealing with. They discovered that she was to the police's pay, and they're looking for her actively. The men that attacked you yesterday where some of their hired killers. Fortunately, they underestimated her and didn't send their best men, but… next time will be different. And that's why I don't want to you to be there when they'll launch their strike."

Misao's thoughts were racing through her mind, leaving her dizzy and disturbed. And anger rushed into her veins, as she understood what Aoshi was implying.

"Aoshi-sama!! I can stay here! I can help! Why am I always left out?! Why… Why don't you trust me Aoshi?!"

Her fists were tightly clenched, her teeth gritted and her eyebrows frowned and she kept shouting, her cheeks burned with frustration as she was trying hard to hold back her shameful tears. How much she wanted Aoshi to understand that she had grown and was not a little girl anymore…

"Why do you always think I'm only a kid that need to be looked after?! Why do you always have to patronize me?! Why--"

But Misao was cut short and before she could even understand what happened, she was crushed against Aoshi's chest. _Wh-what?!_ Her eyes wide, she didn't even dare to breath and just listened to his steady heartbeat, as his strong arms readjusted their tight grip around her petite form. One of his hands lifted to her nape and coaxed her softly against his shoulder, as he buried his face in her ebony tresses. 

How much she had craved for him to hold her that way. How much she had longed for his warmth, for his body against hers. And there she was, securely wrapped in his soft yet strong embrace, and she just didn't know what to do. _Don't speak. Don't move. Don't breathe. Don't break this perfect bliss_. This felt like heaven, and yet pain twisted her heart. This felt like heaven, and yet she was sad. Was this love? How could love be so wonderful and hurt so much at the same time? Misao clenched her small hands on Aoshi's shoulders and let out a small cry of grief, cuddling further in his embrace; and she felt him answer and hold her tighter, as though fearing she might escape, before he slightly released his grip around her, just stroking absent-mindedly her blue-black hair, and he muttered, his voice unsure even though his heart was calm and not betraying a single bit of the rush of emotions that went through him.

"Misao… I don't want you to be harmed… Please do what I told you. I want to know that you're safe… Onegai…"

Burying her face in his warmth, Misao nodded jerkily, and felt his shoulders relax. During a few minutes, Aoshi allowed her to stay in his arms, he ran his fingers softly through her dark locks of hair and caressed her back as she just was coiled up against his chest, then he kindly pushed her away, grabbing her shoulders and helping her up. Still in a haze, Misao felt his hands letting go of her shoulders, his soft warmth leaving her, and her heart falling apart. Aoshi remained mute, and she understood he wanted her to leave. And so she did.

As the shoji closed, Aoshi closed his eyes, his heart started to pound wildly, getting rid off the tension he had amassed in a few minutes. He heard Misao hurtling down the stairs, carrying her tray, and her confusion could be felt in the lack of confidence of her step. 

_Bastard._

Aoshi gritted her teeth, his eyes burning with cold anger.

_Bastard. What did you think you were doing? How do you dare exploit her feelings towards you like this, just to make her promise that she would stay out of all of this? How do you dare exploit her weak point like you did?!_

And yet his arms were craving for her, his whole body and his soul were suffering like hell from the loss of her softness, from not feeling her anymore...

_Bastard. What are you thinking? She's so young, so pure... You're just soiling her... _

_..................._

Misao dropped her small bag on her bed. Finally, she had given in and now she was there, standing in the middle of the room she had rented in the Shirobeko. She sighed. It felt strange, sleeping in another room other than hers; she had not been on a trip for a while and, she thought She was starting to get used to her comfortable, quiet routine. The genki, hyperactive ninja girl was still there, lurking around, but she was giving up her place to a new Misao, less reckless and more thoughtful. Did Aoshi not see that she had grown? Sometimes he really was impossible. Just like this time. He just didn't think about how frustrating it was for her to be kept out of the action.

Sighing loudly, Misao laid back on the folded futon, gazing absent-mindedly at the white ceiling above her. Her ribs were hurting again as she had had to act even more expansive than usual to hide her disappointment when everyone had seemed to find very wise that she left the Aoiya for a while. And by dint of jumping everywhere and trying to look cheerful, she now felt truly tired and she ached. Disturbed in her thoughts, she heard Okon and Omasu chatting loudly in the nearby room, as the two young women had decided to come with her, in order not to leave her alone. The both girls were commenting on Hiko's muscular chest with very explicit epithets that made the young spy blush.

Misao buried her face in her pillow. She wanted to rest now. Actually it was already late and sun had set hours ago. Quickly, she unfolded the thick and soft mattress and laid the blankets on it; she was about to undress to slip in her sleeping suit when someone knocked at the door. Misao's eyebrow frowned.

"Misao-saaaan!" a cheerful voice called from behind the shoji. "I brought you something to eat before you go to bed!"

Misao smiled and opened the door. It was Sae. The young woman really had business sense and was pampering her customers, she thought laughing inwardly, wondering if this was the way Okon acted with the Aoiya's customers. Sae was standing in the doorframe, wearing her usual black and orange uniform and smiling brightly, and she was carrying a small tray with rice balls and tea. Misao greeted her with a smile and took the tray, and Sae patted her shoulder.

"So Misao-chan, are you going to tell me what brings you here?"

Misao tried to hide her awkwardness behind another bright smile.

"Mou... Just having a break Sae! In fact Jiya and Aoshi-sama have... business and don't want me nosing around."

It was true, in a way, she thought bitterly. _You could consider the situation business._ Misao brushed her thoughts aside as Sae was staring at her, looking slightly worried.

"I'm okay Sae, please don't worry. Everything's okay."

Sae nodded, her professional smile coming back on her lips as she understood that Misao didn't want to speak about it. She waved to the younger girl happily, trying to cheer her up, and left to go into Okon and Omasu's room and wish them a good night. These three were quite the same age and were good friends, so Misao wouldn't have been surprised if Sae had decided to squat the two sister's room as soon as she finished with her office, and gossip all night along. Sighing again, she put her tray on the small desk in the corner of the room and caught a rice ball. She sat on her bed and started eating it slowly, trying to take stock of everything that had happened in a few days. As she had finished her rice ball, her shoulders slouched and she leaned her back against the cold wall.

What time was it? She couldn't remember. Around her, everything looked so strange. Distorted, blurred, like a landscape through a frosted glass, in the distance. Where was she? This was missing in her memory. She knew that street. Why was she walking? She knew the wooden walls under the velvet black sky of the night. She knew every cobble of this path. Here was her home. Her home, the inn called the Aoiya. But she didn't know that smell. It was kind of familiar but it didn't fit in the landscape. It was a strong, sickening smell, carrying death and sorrow in its depths. It was the smell of fresh blood.

Why did it smell like fresh blood? Was something wrong? Her mind was rushing frantically for answers. Where was everybody? Where was... Aoshi-sama? A long chill ran along her spine, leaving her cold and lifeless. She was standing in the middle of the garden. Blood everywhere. Splashing the walls, soiling the ground and the white snow, and dripping like a lethal rain. There were dead men everywhere. She felt sick. And her insides twisted in horror. 

Aoshi was lying against the trunk of the high black pine. A terrible foreboding clutched her heart. So she ran. And she ran. She was going to be too late. She could not reach him. He was fading. She knew he was dying. 

Without understanding what happened, she was by his side. She grabbed his shoulders and felt his blood dripping on her hands, as she tried to help him breathe in. But his head fell limply on her shoulder. She barely held back a cry of terror when she saw his face. He was disfigured, longs bleeding scars distorting his handsome features. Tears rising to her eyes, she coaxed his head against her chest and touched his already cold skin. She had been too late. She had not been able to help him. He was dead.

Panting heavily, her forehead drenched with sweat, Misao woke up, screaming.

_Aoshi-sama!!!_

.......................

.......................

**Author's notes :** YAY I did it !! It was kind of difficult ! I had a writers block on this chappie, but finally it's okay!

I hope this chappie is keeping you in suspense ^^ ! Don't worry, our Aoshi-sama is NOT dead. I love him too much for killing him. It was just a nightmare. Anyway, this will make next part interesting, I think ^^ !! You'll see that in part 8 hey hey... ^^

And so, I kept my promise this time. You've learnt about Yukiko and her relationship with Aoshi this time, ne ? Yay she definitely **does** have something for him. 

And Aoshi definitely **does** have something for Misao. But he is stubborn. And he also has something for Yukiko. This is just crazy. But this is going to have an end. This is just a love triangle ne ^^. This time it was Misao's turn to have a cuddle from her Aoshi-sama ^^ it was kinda nice to write, I was daydreaming in front of my comp. I don't know if I'll write a lemon at the end, maybe...

Anyway, thanks for reading and DO review !!! This would make me sooo happy ^^

Ja ! See you in next chapter !!


	8. Chapter 8 : Keep me alive

Catching Hold of You 

Yay everyone !! Back with another chappie  ^^ !!

Thanks to Noa, Jac'Kee, Nabi-chan, lebleuphenix, Sai, ShadowKat, SilverNimbus, Mica-chan and my Mysterious Reviewer (who told he/she calls sparticus but I can't believe that  ^-~) for reviewing ! Your comments help me a lot !!

Hey hey.... I hope this story leaves you in suspense  ^^ . Yay poor Misao, it is to be hard for her to cope with what will happen in this chapter. By the way, I hope that Yuki's story explained quite well her behavior. Poor Yuki, she had a sad life. Do you still hate her ?  *^^* I don't. I just wanted to tell that no way how much I want Misao to end up with Aoshi, Yukiko deserves happiness as well and no one can hate her for loving Aoshi ! 

Now stop rambling, you stupid Kmye, and let's read  ^^ !!

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Chapter 8: Keep me alive

...................

Sweat rolling on her forehead and dread running through her mind, Misao jumped out of her bed.

_Aoshi... Aoshi-sama... Please don't... don't die..._

This could not happen. She had to prevent it from happening. No matter why, no matter how, she couldn't let this take place without trying something to avoid it. Her breath caught in her throat as she kicked the door open and ran along the corridor, tears burning her eyes. Misao hurtled down the stairs, stumbled and fell. Loudly, her small body crashed at the bottom of the steps and Misao shrieked, curling in a ball. Hot tears cascaded on her bruised cheek, but she managed to get up, as a sob escaped from her tightly closed lips.

Hoping she hadn't woken anyone despite the noise she had made, Misao edged her way out of the Shirobeko. The icy wind of a winter night rushed between the layers of her yukata but she was too panic-stricken to care, she didn't even notice the long, cold shivers running through her chilled skin. The world was spinning around her and the ghostly shadows of the sleeping town were spreading their darkness over her, but she went on running, tripping over the uneven ground, desperately hanging onto the hope that she wouldn't be too late. The gravel was hurting her bare feet as in her hurry she had forgotten to take her shoes, but she was not aware of it, not feeling it at all as she was concentrate on her aim.

The Aoiya would appear in a few minutes. In a few meters. Around the corner... In a few seconds she would be in sight of it...

"Come on, you bastards!" an unleashed female voice shouted, "You're looking for me, right?!"

Something tore in Misao's chest and a sob of relief came to her throat. She hadn't been too late... They still were alive, fighting for their lives but alive... Tears escaped her eyes as tension was releasing its grip around her heart, and she ran towards the Aoiya. Her eyes widened in stupefaction. The whole building was devastated, the front ripped open and burnt in places, as though someone had tried to set in on fire. And in the middle of the pools of blood shuddering the ground in the street were standing Aoshi and Yukiko, back against back, protecting each other.

Their moves fit so perfectly that it was obvious they were used to fighting together, that they knew by heart any strike the other could ever launch. They were fighting as though they were one, reading each other moves and knowing how to complement. Speed, fluidness, efficiency. Dead men fell on the ground, returning to the men fallen before them. And blood splashed their faces, leaving dark red patterns on their pale skins as the same evil gleam enlightened their eyes. This was the old but genuine side of the Oniwabanshuu, a side Misao had never seen yet. A ninja group, not meant for protecting but for killing. Bloodthirsty men of shadows, where fighting was their only reason of being. They were well-trained murderers, pitiless and yet willing to preserve the lives of their fellows. This was a fight of ninjas; one of these fights Misao had thought had died with the Edo era and the fall of the Bakumatsu.

Suddenly an icy hand clutched Misao's heart as she felt a sharp eye focusing on her. And she became aware of her precarious situation. There she was, standing in the middle of the battleground, shivering with fear and cold under her thin yukata and not having a single weapon to protect her life. Adrenaline flooded through her being. Too late for thinking. _Fight, Misao, fight. Don't let them having you like this. You don't want to die here and now._

Swallowing hard, she saw four men turning at her, a mad grin distorting their faces. They had to think she would be an easier target than Aoshi-sama, for sure. She may not be as strong as he was, and surely she couldn't cope with four men, but she would show them. She was quick. She was strong. And she so much wanted to live.

And as the four men rushed at her, alarmed by the sudden change of move, Aoshi turned, and their gazes met. Incomprehension rolled through his wide eyes, as hers were holding so much fear. A lump came to Misao's throat. She had said she would stay in the Shirobeko, and she saw in his eyes his disbelief, just before a weapon came in her sight and hid Aoshi. The blow was so quick, and she felt so numb. She had to dodge, _dammit! Dodge, Misao !_ _Dodge !!_

Before she could understand what happened, Misao was hurled to the ground and she should have hit the gravels hard. But she didn't feel pain... Someone was holding her tightly, keeping her from falling. Strong arms. A soft masculine scent. Comforting presence. And something liquid and hot flooding on her chest. 

"AOSHI!!"

Misao fell on her knees, not being able to support Aoshi's weight. He groaned in pain, leaning his forehead on her shoulder, and as she placed her hands on his back to help him getting up, her fingers were covered with sticky, hot blood. Her eyes widened in horror. He had not dodged the blow as she had thought at first. He had only been able to shelter her with his body, obtaining a gaping wound in his back. 

But Aoshi seemed to recover his senses, and pushed her against a wall. Getting up and facing their opponents, he was fighting like an impassable barrier of liquid steel, his kodachi slicing the warm flesh. He wouldn't let them hurt her. He could let her go. His life didn't matter. Hers did. Did so much. Meant so much. Hope was in her being. And all he still had on this world was hope. 

Yet inexorably, the circle was narrowing as the hired killers were always in larger number and Aoshi's strength leaking with his blood. He felt his own moves slowing, his muscles being tired and aching. In a last blow, he felt on his knees still trying to protect Misao, still flippant with his own life. There was only a man left, and Aoshi raised his kodachi, bracing himself to launch his final strike but as he was about to slice the man's throat, the latter's eyes turned dull as a strange death rattle escaped his already cold lips, and he fell on the ground, having let out his last breath. 

"I told you to leave him be, you bastard..." a weak and scornful feminine voice let slip, as her foot kicked the dead body lying motionless.

And Yukiko collapsed on the ground, her face drained of colour, lying in a pool of her own blood.

"Yuki!!!", Aoshi shouted, and he gathered her frail body in his arms. She was so cold, and her soft, pearly skin was covered with cuts and wounds all over, staining with crimson prints up to her face. A hard feeling of guilt invaded his insides. He had totally forgotten about her... He had so much wanted to save Misao that he had forgotten her... All her strength was deserting her being, and she coughed, bringing her hands to her lips. Dark blood surged from the corners of her mouth and she moaned in pain, crawling into Aoshi's arms for comfort. His eyes filled with dread. 

"Yuki!! Hold out!!"

But she merely raised her face to him and she smiled. Not really her usual smile, not this provocative and defiant smile she usually wore but a sad, pain filled, but nevertheless, happy smile. Her emerald eyes glistened as her lips stretched achingly, and a single, cold tear ran along her bloody cheek. And when she spoke, her voice was holding her tears and all her loneliness.

"I failed, Okashira... But I'm so glad I died to save you... I... I so much wanted you... to be proud of me... Aoshi..."

Aoshi gritted his teeth, hard, as he raised a trembling hand to her hair.

"I am, Yuki... So proud of you..."

She smiled again, this time in pure bliss. But another coughing fit ran through her, making her weak lungs wheeze, and her eyes clouded over.

"Good bye Aoshi..."

Helpless, Aoshi grabbed her shoulders and started shaking her slightly, trying to revive the fading life in her. 

"No Yuki!! Hold fast! You must live!"

And then he realized Misao was just kneeling near them, staring at them without a word. He turned over and shouted.

"Misao!! Find a doctor, fast!!"

In a daze, Misao got up and, like Aoshi had said, ran towards the nearest clinic. But her thoughts were banging together in a terrible din. She had seen the panic in Aoshi's eyes when he had realized Yukiko was injured and about to die. She had heard him telling her to stand fast, and his voice betrayed his fear. His fear of loosing her. Yukiko, his Yukiko, his beloved for that matter. That bloody woman came from nowhere and stole her, _her _dear Aoshi-sama. Misao's heart smashed to smithereens; why was she running anyway? She could just wait and let this slut die. But no. Because Aoshi-sama would be heartbroken. _All I want is his happiness... _

Misao knocked over a couple of lovebirds walking down the street enjoying the night; the man turned over and began yelling at her. But he caught sight of the blood all over her yukata, and dreadfully grabbed her shoulder.

"Are you okay Miss?!", he asked.

"LET ME GO!! DON'T TOUCH ME!!", Misao shrieked, so deeply distressed that she couldn't even catch what he had said. All that mattered now was to reach the clinic. She was not far away. Her sight was blurred, blurred with Aoshi's blood and her own tears, and she had to force her weak limbs to carry her to the black door, a few meters away. Finally, she was standing in front of the clinic door, and, long tears streaming down her cheeks, she desperately pulled at the bell. Once, twice, but no one was answering. Misao began to bang at the door with her fists and called, as sobs formed in her throat.

"Help!! Please, please someone... they are hurt... please help me..."

And as she was about to give up, crying against the door when it opened, a wide-eyed and tousled doctor catching her just when she fell in exhaustion.

"Oh thanks... thanks the gods... There are two people ahead of the Aoiya... they're badly hurt, and... be prepared, it was a true slaughter..."

As the doctor froze and was about to question her, worried by the blood on her shirt, she shook her head.

"No, no I'm unharmed!! Please hurry!! They need your help!"

The doctor hesitated then nodded without a word and gathered his things before running out towards the Aoiya.

Left in the clinic hall, Misao laid against a wall, sighing in relief and tears blinding her. Her heart constricted in her heart, being tugged between her two feelings. Had she been right? She had chosen to give a chance to Yukiko... despite the fact that she would probably be left alone...

_How stupid... If she pulls through it, they'll leave me behind... Poor fool that I am... _

She didn't even notice when a nurse came in the corridor and shrieked when she saw her little, bloody form lying against the wall, nor when two other nurses, alarmed by the first one's cries, helped her to carry Misao in a room to sound her. Her whole body and mind was a mess, and her soul shattered in a million pieces. She didn't care. If she had lost Aoshi, she could as well be dead. Sinking into the deepest pits of her sorrow, Misao fell asleep, but her tears kept running on her pale cheeks.

...................

_A bird... I can hear a bird chirping outside._

Misao opened her eyes and blinked. Around her, everything was so peaceful. A soft sunshine was edging its way between the panels of the window, casting a thin and warm trace all over her bed and blinding her lightly. She was in her room. Misao sighed slightly, wondering if she had been dreaming. There was no blood around her; her room was filled with a fresh and comforting darkness. 

As she tried to get up, she felt the skin under her feet aching, and she took a quick glance; her soles were dressed with soft and white bandages. Hesitantly she stroked her feet, making sure she hadn't dreamt. She had definitely hurt herself by running barefoot in the street the night before. So she had not dreamt. All was true. If she opened the window she would find the same battleground than last night. She couldn't even remember how she managed to reach the clinic and go back to the Aoiya. Everything was black in her mind. Holding back a squeak, she curled in a ball underneath her blanket. She was sick of blood, sick of everything that had happened for a few days. And she was sick of seeing Aoshi with this girl. Enough. But what could she do?

She was about to get up when a low-voiced conversation reached her ears and caught her attention.

"Yes... Yes okay... Be sure I will..."

This was Aoshi's voice. Someone answered, a deep and professional voice that Misao didn't know. She couldn't catch what he said as he had to be farther from her door. But Aoshi mumbled a few things more and the other man seemed to take his leave. Fully awake now, Misao tensed and tried to remain as silent as possible to hear what was going on outside. Her throat dried as she felt that Aoshi was standing ahead of her door and didn't come in. He seemed to listen to see if she was awake or not, he braced himself to come into her room as well. _I know him by heart,_ she thought with a painful smile. She could read in his mind when he was happy, sad, puzzled or distressed like now, even though they were not in the same room. 

Without a noise the shoji slid in its groove and Aoshi appeared in the doorframe. Misao's eyes widened when she caught sight of his face, harrowed with concern and exhaustion. His dark eyebrows were set in a deep frown, crossing his forehead with a wrinkle that made him look ten years older. His lips were pale and clenched. And his eyes were holding a sharp, threatening glare. Misao swallowed.

Not even looking at her, Aoshi came in and sit on the floor in front of her. Tightening hold grip on her blanket to reassure herself, Misao felt her body shake with fear under his cold glare.

_I'm afraid... of him?_

And yes, she was. Straightening her back, she tried to remain still as long as he sized her up. Unable to look him in the face, she was staring hard at her clenched fists in her lap, withstanding his pitiless and unvoiced accusation.

"I told you to stay to the Shirobeko," he let out in a breath; this hurt her more than if he had yelled it.

She remained mute, having nothing to say to defend herself.

"Do you realize what you did?" he went on, his voice low yet sharper than any blade, "Because of your recklessness, you put our three lives in danger. Acting inconsiderately, not only did you threatened your own life, but two others as well."

He paused for a while, letting her think about what he had just said. Misao swallowed hard, a firm lump forming in her throat. Then he continued.

"The distinctive feature of a ninja is to protect his comrades and not to threaten his team's work and, even more, lives. I thought you at least understood this."

Misao bent her head as tears filled her eyes at what his last words implied. He was the Okashira again, no time for her futile games anymore. How pretentious and blind she has been. She had failed; she wasn't strong enough to cope with all of this.

"You disappointed me, Misao. I thought I had succeeded in teaching you the essence of the ninja, you proved me I was wrong."

Misao's hands began to shake in her lap, but she wouldn't cry. No matter how hard she would have to bit her lips to hold back the burning tears, she wouldn't let them slip out in front of him. Maybe she wasn't meant to be a ninja after all. Maybe all this was just the mere dream of a marvelled child. Her deepest grief was just that she couldn't tell him that he shouldn't blame himself for her faults. But if she opened her closed lips to speak, she knew that she couldn't help but cry. So she kept bearing his sad and disappointed look on her without a word, mute, unspoken remorse being concealed in her heart with her fears and love.

They remained motionless and silent for long minutes; then someone broke the tensed silence between them by knocking lightly at the door. The shoji slid open and Okon's face appeared in the slit. Her eyes saddened at the poor sight Misao made but she didn't breathe a word about it.

"Aoshi-san... Yukiko woke up a minute ago."

Aoshi nodded, and got up, not even granting Misao a single look. Instead of that, he addressed a quick sign to Okon in order to ask her to take care of the overwhelmed girl on the bed. Okon lowered her eyes and came into the room as Aoshi was getting out.

The older onmitsu bit her lip sadly when she understood how much Aoshi's lecture had wreaked havoc on Misao. Kindly, trying to comfort the young girl and help her not to loose her footing in all this mess of feelings, she sat near her and hugged her. Too dizzy to understand what had happened, Misao didn't even notice.

......................

Aoshi closed the door behind him, his fingers shaking slightly as they brushed against the paper panel. Gritting his teeth, he fisted his hand firmly and leaned against the wall in front of Misao's room, his burning forehead greeting its welcome freshness. Releasing the tension amassed through his nerves, he closed his eyes and sighed in defeat. 

_How could she understand?_ He didn't want to lecture her like this, didn't want her to feel humiliated or unwanted. But never could she understand the icy sensation that had crept into the very fiber of his being when he had seen her frail, motionless body being carried back to the Aoiya by the doctor. Never could she understand the growing dread that twisted his insides when he had feared the worse might have happened. How could she understand anyway? All he showed her was the impassive face of an impassive man, heartless and emotionless. All she could gather in her heart was images of the cold-hearted man he had so craved to be, how could she just picture the rush of emotions she was putting him into? 

And, true, this night, the first in years, he had been frightened. Frightened as a leader, when he had thought of loosing one of his dearest fellows and when he had feared he had lost the most precious person to his heart, frightened as a... as a what? He didn't know himself, he thought while shrugging his shoulders in annoyance at himself and at his own incoherence. All his emotions were so unreadable to himself; thinking about it, he felt nonplussed and most of all, deeply miserable.

.......................

Time had lost its very consistency. The icy air was numbing her limbs and it was all for the best. Drowning in the white sensation of coldness, smothering the pain, emotionally and physically; it allowed her not to think_. It's amazing_, she thought, _how you can't think of anything when you can't feel your body anymore_. And for having stayed outside in the winter wind, crouched on the roof with the snow drenching her thin yukata, this was the state of apathy to which Misao was slowly slipping.

Aoshi had always known how to destroy every bit of strength in her; she was aware of it now. But loving her too much, he had never tried to use this power he knew he had over her. Because he had loved her. She felt it in his voice. There were some cruel, terrible weapons that you can never use if not against someone you loved once. And you know where they hit and hurt and destroy so deeply that the wound will never heal.

Beyond his words, Misao had felt the disgust, that kind of disgust that screamed at her that he was not so much disgusted by her but by himself for having loved her. It had cut through her flesh and her soul. But finally she had admitted that he didn't love her anymore. Oddly that fact had been very easy to accept. Her mind had not screamed against it, no inner battle to persuade herself that it wasn't true. It was such a self-evident conclusion, it was so clear that no sidestepping was of any help. And anyway she was tired, tired of sidestepping. 

Would she be there tomorrow morning? Not sure, if she stayed outside like that, but she was too cold to move anyway. Too cold to think, and this was the peace she craved for. Had she given up, in spite of her promise to Omasu? Maybe. But she had tried, tried hard, yet Aoshi had killed the hope in her heart. Really? Was there no hope in her heart, no hope that he could ever love her again? She didn't want to think about it. It hurt too much, it tore the ropes of her emotions, deep down her chest. All she wanted was to forget. Whatever the price. Even though this price was her life. 

Suddenly, breaking the white coat of the cold emptiness she was sinking into, a steaming cup of tea appeared in her field of vision. Misao stared at it, taken aback; then she raised her eyes to the one offering the cup to her. Instantaneously pulled out of her numb dream, she started and her teeth began to chatter so violently that she couldn't stop them.

"Sh-Shi-ro?", she breathed as a cloud of frosty mist leaved her purple lips.

Shiro smiled kindly, and without a word, he draped a thick, soft, warm blanket around her petite form. Misao stared at him, amazed, then smiled back. Shiro seemed happy but didn't let out a single word. He just kept holding the cup until she grabbed it between her shaking fingers and thanked him shyly with a move of her head. Misao brought the hot liquid to her lips and drank a long gulp; the tea burnt her throat, but it didn't matter. It was warm and perfumed, and it felt like life was flowing in her being again. She sighed slightly and looked at Shiro again. He was staring endlessly at the stars above them, just casually sitting near her and offering the comfort of his presence. After a while, he turned his head and glanced at her questioningly.

Misao's eyes were tracing the soft features of the man in front of her. And despite herself, she was puzzled: she had always thought of Shiro as a nice guy, always laughing and smiling and helping her when she get into trouble, but she had never noticed that he was so handsome. His eyes were really black, no one could distinguish the pupil in this turmoil of smooth black. As was his hair. It didn't shine with deep blue shades like Aoshi's, but it was a dark, raven black, maybe slightly purple under the moonlight. And he was smiling, which never happened with Aoshi.

Misao started and blushed, at being caught staring that way to Shiro. For sure, she had been staring with her mouth gapping open, she was sure of it! And was it so bad? No, it surely wasn't. No, she thought, gazing at Shiro's indulgent smile, it wasn't bad. 

"Maybe you should let out what goes wrong in that little head of yours ", Shiro said softly. In one blow, the pain shot back in her heart, and Misao curled in a ball under the blanket, leaning her chin on her knees.

" ... Won't get rid of that bloody bastard who has no consideration for the others and what they may ever feel... " she mumbled.

Shiro smiled, but it was not annoying at all. It was even comforting. It helped her to stand back. 

"He knows how I feel, and he doesn't care. Worse, he tries to hurt me, and he knows it. And _I _don't have a single clue about how _he_ feels!"

Shiro kept gazing at her, kindly and comfortingly. Oddly, even though she would have found it awkward from anyone else, Misao found it rather pleasant. With a small sigh, Shiro patted her head. Misao went on with her reproves.

"And I can't stand it anymore, you see... Nor will I be able to support all his game with Yukiko any longer... I'd prefer things to be clear, even though it means that... that he'll never love me anymore..."

Misao conceded a bitter smile. Kami-sama, why had he wrapped his arm around her shoulders? It felt so nice, so sweet, and so honest. Shiro spoke, his voice light and soothing.

"You should go to bed, you know, Misao. It's already late."

Misao nodded. And suddenly, she breathed the request that burnt her lips.

"Please, Shiro... Stay with me tonight..."

......................

End of chapter 8

......................

**Author's notes :** Hey hey hey hey hey  *grins evily* ...

I hope this chapter was rich in new developments... It was mainly focused on Misao ; almost nothing focusing on Aoshi and even less on Yukiko. (Un)fortunately, you'll see more of them in next chapter. I wanted to include a small part I had written quite a long time ago when I was writting tries for fanfics, but I don't know if it'll fit, mainly because of Misao's frame of mind. We'll see  ^^ ...

Hey our little love triangle seems to turn into a... love square ?! As for me I think that Shiro is a really handsome guy and that he matches quite well with Misao... Aoshi'd better move his ass if he doesn't want his lovely Misao to slip between his fingers... hey hey hey... I'll leave you in suspens until next time !! Will Aoshi and Misao's love remain as strong after all these hurdles ? Especially after all these misunderstandings ? Just a word about these misunderstandings... As I'm not a really good writer maybe you think Misao's explanation of Aoshi's behavior is really far-fetched, but I think that Aoshi's ambiguous and that both explanations are justified.

Now please !!! Leave me a review to tell me what you think about all of this !!!! PLEASE  ^^

Ja !!


	9. Chapter 9 : Lost childs

Catching Hold of You 

Yaaaaaay !!! Here we are  ^.^ !!

Thanks to Darkfairy, Noa, Sarah, Celste, Mikazuki, Sai, sparticus, Katros, Nicole, Jac'Kee, lebleuphenix, DiaBlo, Li Jung Sook, Mica-Chan, Yen, M2D, mc, SilverNimbus and Karasu for your reviews !! I hope I didn't forget anyone ; anyway I read all your reviews and they make me really so happy ! Please keep reviewing  ^^  it gives me so much motivation  ^^ !!!

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Chapter 9: Lost children

__________

Lassitude had done its work on Aoshi's body and mind, and now that the sun had set, all he craved for was his bed. This was one of those times when he realised that, after all, he was only human, with human fatigue and needs. His concern about Yukiko was soothed. The young woman would be fine quite fast; she recovered with amazing speed from her injuries. She had even been able to walk for a while in the garden during the afternoon, Aoshi just looking at her as she had declined his offer to hold her up. _They were alike,_ he thought, and it reminded him of that terrible day in Kanryuu's mansion. He too had been badly injured by Himura, badly enough to lose consciousness. But a moment later, he had recovered and was able to fight back. He and Yukiko had attended to the same training; they had the same abilities except for a few things.

But his mind wouldn't rest in peace, anyway. Because Yukiko was not the main topic of his deeply buried anxiety. He knew this, and no matter how hard he was trying not to think of her, Misao remained in his mind, wreaking havoc on his emotions with those overwhelmed eyes of hers. Aoshi just wanted to forget; forget that she had been nowhere to be found since he had preached at her so harshly; forget the burning pain in his heart, dammit! He should have been hardened against pain after all those years of suffering! Why did this girl destroy so easily his barricades, so easily that it frightened him? And all he could do was push her back, because he was fully aware that a single sign of encouragement, from now on, would mean that he couldn't turn back. He couldn't save her from himself. And when he saw how badly he could hurt her when he lost his self-control, like a few hours ago, he didn't want her to become more attached to him than she already was, afraid she would scald her soul.

_Misao_, only the sound of her name and his heart wrenched. She was not childish, beside all he had wanted to believe. She just was innocent, pure, and blissfully unaware of the impure thoughts he harboured in the deepest pits of his heart. People seem to think that if you don't have soiled thoughts, you're a child or a simpleton. But innocence is not childishness or idiocy. Misao had been harmed and hurt, she had grown and not always in the simplest way, but she still had that innocence that pierced through his heart.

Would it be so bad to let her steal his heart without resisting? 

Is this need to hug her and never let go, bad?

Maybe her innocence was enough to save him. To save them. Enough to soften his cold heart, enough to allow them to be happy.

All of this was stirring up ill feelings in his already exhausted mind. He would have plenty of time to consider the matter tomorrow. In the light of the morning, he would surely know how to come to terms with this frightening and overwhelming feeling. But now, just now... His steps were carrying him beside himself towards her door, towards her comforting presence. He just wanted to see her asleep before he went to bed, nothing guilty.

Aoshi edged his way to Misao's shoji. His fingers brushed against the panel, about to open it, when something seemed to rip his heart out of his chest. No, he tried to reason with himself, he had to be wrong. This couldn't be true... He was mistaken... But yet, his fighter's senses couldn't delude him. There was someone in Misao's room, someone that shouldn't be there, someone that didn't belong to there, someone who was not he... _Who dared?!_ , an angry voice screamed in his head, and he shivered as furious rage invaded his senses. 

Loosing this self-control he was so proud of, Aoshi snatched the shoji and opened it with a barely held violence, his anger whirling through his piercing blue eyes. His hand went to his kodachi... As silent as a shadow, he came in the room, almost shaking in fury, and he froze at the scene under his eyes.

On the undone bed, Misao was cuddled between Shiro's arms, her hair untied and waving around her, her white yukata climbing to her soft curves, and she looks so peacefully happy, so at ease that it was unbearable to him. And, his hands tangled in that silky hair of hers, the young man by her side was holding her carefully against his bare chest, a soft smile on his lips as his cheek rested on Misao's head. All color drained out of Aoshi's face. When did this happen? How had it happened when he didn't know? Why Shiro? She was his, his and no one else's! No one had the right to even touch her!

This was entirely Shiro's fault; It had to be. He was taking advantage of Misao's innocence. He was forcing her to do something she didn't want to. He was seducing her; this was the truth. This had to be the truth, yes. 

Anger, almost madness, rushed through his nerves again, and his eyes narrowed as his jaw set. Without a noise, Aoshi unsheathed his right kodachi and walked towards the two sleeping forms. He kneeled at the edge of the futon, and his gloved hand covered Shiro's mouth. Disturbed in his sleep, the young man opened his eyes and froze dreadfully when he felt a cold, sharp blade against the warm skin of his throat. Shiro's eyes widened, and he was about to call for help when a furious, icy voice murmured at his ear.

"Don't make a move. Don't wake her up, or you're dead, Shiro."

A drop of sweat rolled on Shiro's nape when he recognized the frightening voice. Aoshi. And soon anger grew in his mind; what was he thinking he was doing here? Suddenly Shiro didn't fear his ex-Okashira anymore. He felt the jealousy in Aoshi's grip, and this made rage boiled in his veins. And he just listened calmly when Aoshi spoke again.

"Come outside, don't make any inconsiderate move."

______________

Both of the men sized up each other, their eyes burned with scorn and disgust as the pale moonlight stretched their shadows to the garden and its darkness. Aoshi's face was almost unrecognisable; the storm of violent emotions rushing in his dark pupils, his hardened features made him look like a complete stranger, a man trapped for too long behind the impassive facade of the fallen Okashira. His every muscle was tensed, as if fearing he might let out the pure anger that rang through his being. 

But when he spoke, his voice was husky but calm, even though Shiro could see the suppressed hatred in his glare.

"So?"

Shiro felt indignation clutching his throat. 

"What do you want?! I don't think I owe you any explanation!"

Aoshi's eyes narrowed, and he brushed Shiro's remark aside.

"How do you dare do such a thing to Misao?"

Shiro blinked. He hadn't asked anything of Misao, never wanted anything from her if not what she had offered him. Besides, despite Aoshi's opinions he hadn't even touched her. Yes, like everyone in the Aoiya, he had a small crush on Misao, the over-excited weasel-girl, but he knew it was a mere crush, a brotherly love that would never take him anywhere. And moreover, would Misao have offered herself to him, body and soul, he would have refused because he knew that even if it would have comforted her in her despair, regrets and grief, it would be worse in the morning. He knew he would never be the one to whom her heart belonged, as he knew she was not the one for him either. All he wanted and had to give her was the tender embrace of an older brother, warm arms to tear her from her sorrow and a kind shoulder to cry on. 

But Aoshi... That man took it all for granted, thought of his own happiness before hers, believed that she belonged to him because she cared for him, and he hadn't understood a thing about what love was. Misao was free, free of choosing whom she loved and he had no right to interfere. Worse, he ignored her and hurt her like no one else, and he was proud enough to think that she would wait for him forever, close her eyes upon his mistakes and give herself to him without hesitation. This was too much. 

Shiro glared at Aoshi, looking for the icy blue eyes behind the long black bangs. 

"How do I dare? I didn't do a thing, Shinomori, she made her own choices and I don't think you still own a right on her."

"Stop hurting her like that or I'll rip that bloody heart out of your chest!"

Aoshi's voice had raised, rage piercing behind the controlled tone. Shiro couldn't help himself and he started shouting, trying to cover his rival's voice.

"Who's hurting her, Shinomori? You're the one, yes! Why do you think she was crying, sitting alone on the roof when I found her last evening?! Whom do you think she waits for every night, hoping he will came in her room to wish her a good night, but he never does?! She is strong, but even the strongest would have given up caring about you with all the torture she endured because of you!"

Shiro breathed in and out with difficulty, giving vent to all the contempt he had amassed about his ex-leader. 

"This was the better lesson she could ever have taught you! You thought you were acting for the best, but you are so hollow and selfish that you destroyed even the one you loved, lost everything and now all you can do is looking at what you ruined with your vanity and cry!"

Shiro boiled with rage, and he glared at Aoshi, trying to make out the effects of the hurtful words he had intentionally spoken. Aoshi's mask was pale, tensed as if about to break, and his eyes had darkened. He didn't even try to answer. He just shrugged his shoulders. This was all what he still had, trying to act as if he didn't care. 

But a slight noise made the both of them turn over. A fragile silhouette was standing out in the white moonlight, her slender limbs dressed in bandages, her bruised face wearing the traces of the hard fight for life she had launched. She was hardly able to keep standing on her feet, her eyes were scared and wild because of what she had just heard, and she kept staring with that accusing look of hers at the two men arguing violently in the garden. Yukiko.

Another fit of anger rushed in Shiro's mind as blood flowed back from his face. Of all the people on earth, it had to be this woman who had caught their conversation. Yukiko, that cold-hearted and hateful bastard, who wanted to hide behind the immaculate facade of an untouchable and wild girl; the blackness of her soul. Yukiko, who had more hatred in her heart than anyone could bear, whose mind was burnt with the hopes of impossible revenges. Yukiko, the woman that hated Misao and whom Misao hated, even if she tried to hide it behind her so-called perfection. 

He advanced towards her, threateningly. A pang of fear slipped in the young woman's eyes, but she didn't blink. Shiro couldn't help and let slip out all the scorn he had within himself.

"And this is your fault as well, you bloody schemer! All you spread around you is confusion and discord! Don't hide it behind petty words, you have always been the cause of torments around you..."

A burning pain spurred on his cheek as Yukiko slapped him with all the strength left in her body. Shiro met her eyes and suddenly regretted his words. Her eyes were not the defiant ones he was now used to meeting, but they held hurt and fear, fear of rejection, the sad and terrified look of a lost child. Stunned for a moment, Shiro didn't find the words to express his remorse. When the words finally came, Yukiko had already turned round and disappeared in a wild course away from them. 

Guilt made a lump come to Shiro's throat. Despite everything, he knew that hurting everyone with his reproaches, whether they were well founded or not, would not make things easier. But all of this was so disgusting: Yukiko and Aoshi, both of them, knew they were hurting Misao. And he couldn't bear that anymore. Now that things had grown so frighteningly complicated, no one still could hide their face behind a mask of lies. If Aoshi didn't react and make everything clear soon, Misao would die; not physically, but emotionally. 

Aoshi. Shiro turned over towards the other man, still standing near him, half fearing he might hit him. But no. Aoshi was standing motionless, his eyes lost in the emptiness of his own feelings. In a burst, life seemed to flood into his being again, and he raised his look, facing Shiro again. His eyes still held anger and rage, but there was no trace of madness left. His jaw set, and he let out these words.

"We'll settle all of this another time."

Shiro nodded slightly. Was it just him or had a seen remorse, deep inside Aoshi's cold eyes?

__________

Aoshi shrugged his shoulders and walked towards the Aoiya, still in a haze. Why did events always have to rush like this when he would precisely need time to think about it before acting? But time was not for meditation. He was mad at Shiro for having spent the night with his Misa- ... his? How surprising... No, not his, she was not his. He had believed she was his, had made a huge mistake and now he had to make up for it. And this was what he was going to do. Aoshi had made his decision.

He would look for Yuki later. He knew her well enough to know that she wouldn't be far anyway; right now he just wanted to be sure that Misao was fine. After Shiro's reproves, he couldn't deny that he himself had thrown Misao in another one's arms. He couldn't deny he knew how much she wept at night, how much she tried to catch his attention, and how much she hurt inside at his feigned indifference. But this wouldn't happen anymore. From now, she wouldn't feel pain anymore. Never. 

While all these emotions were playing their disorderly whirl in his mind, his steps had taken him to Misao's door again, just where he was standing a few minutes before. Being very silent, he heard the faint sound of her slumbering breathing. Aoshi sighed slightly, half in relief and half in sadness. Noiselessly, he pushed the shoji open and slipped in the room, merging in the shadows. Under a thin ray of silver moonlight, Misao was lying on the futon, curled into a tight ball to warm herself up as the blanket had slipped away from her when Aoshi had ripped Shiro out of her bed. 

She was gorgeous. She was Misao, and yet so very different. He had seen her asleep so many times, she not even aware of it, but just now, she looked more beautiful than ever. Maybe it was because he gazed at her in a completely new way, and because he had at last made his mind up. And here she lay, bathed in the pale light casting purple-blue shades on her deep black hair, and she looked adorable. Yes, she definitely was adorable. 

With a small smile on his lips, Aoshi knelt by her side and gently spread the thick blanket over her, making sure she wouldn't be cold. Despite himself, his hand hesitantly stroked her soft hair, and on a sudden impulse he bent over and placed a light kiss on her forehead. Misao frowned in her sleep, then smiled slightly and blissfully slipped in a deeper slumber. Aoshi's heart wrenched, but resolutely he tore himself away from her intoxicating presence and left the room, risking a last glance at his beloved before closing the door. 

Aoshi sighed in frustration: now came another part of the struggle he had to get through this night, and not the easiest for the matter. Indeed, he had to find Yukiko and try to reason with the thickheaded she-mule. Firstly he had to find her, but this shouldn't be that hard because she was rather readable when upset. Bracing himself to face the angry and probably deeply hurt girl, he get out of the Aoiya, making sure he didn't wake anyone; then he arrived in the garden and scrutinized the neighbourhoods. In the meanwhile, he was trying to remember those sentences he used to tell Yukiko each time she was on the edge to calm her down, but those times seemed so far away... He truly hadn't a gift with his tongue and this wasn't helping, but Yukiko and him understood each other perfectly and he had always know what to say to comfort her. 

As Yukiko was nowhere to be seen, Aoshi began walking soundlessly on the snowy grass, trying to figure where she was. She really was the one to play hide and seek, and as her ninja skills had increased since the last time he met her, maybe he wouldn't find her after all. He was moving like a cat, and he knew that he would localize her before she found him out. Suddenly, he caught a glimpse of something moving against the wind in the middle of the black branches covered with snow of the high pine tree. Aoshi couldn't help but smile. This was exactly what he would have expected her to do, but he was a better climber than she was.

Slowly, Aoshi laid his kodachi on the snow between the prominent roots of the old tree, and he started climbing up the black trunk, clinging to the rough bark. But he hadn't climbed up more than a few feet as something hard, of the size of a fist, hit him on the head. Aoshi blinked; he was about to feel his skull to make sure he wasn't bleeding when a hail of pine cones rained down on him. With a grunt of defeat, Aoshi jumped down the tree, forced to give up if he didn't want to let go half the way. Frowning, he pierced through the thick boughs. Yukiko's slender figure was crouching behind a large branch in the heights of the tree. 

"GO AWAY!!! PISS OFF, AOSHI!!!" the very angry female voice shouted.

Aoshi tried a new attempt to reach the tree. Again, a rain of cones welcomed him, and again he beat a retreat. He sighed and sat in the snow, remaining silent. Above the garden, the moon was going on with its slow course. After a long while, Aoshi called kindly.

"Yuki?"

No one answered. Prudently, Aoshi got up and walked to the tree and as no pinecones were being thrown at him, he raised his eyes towards the young woman hidden between the dark boughs. Actually he didn't see her, but something was not following the slow rhythm of the wind in the branches, something -- someone – very tensed, waiting like a panther about to swoop down on its prey. He knew her attention was focused on him. With a small, disillusioned sigh, Aoshi leaned against the trunk. 

"Yuki... You are strong enough to carry on regardless this kind of false accusations... All of this is not your fault..."

"I don't wanna listen to ya..." a small, muffled voice let out, far away. 

Soundlessly, Aoshi started climbing up the tree again; Yukiko didn't react. Actually, she wasn't moving at all. A few seconds later, Aoshi managed to reach her level; and his eyes widened in stupefaction. Cowering between two branches, Yukiko was curled in foetal position, her arms drawing her knees to her chin, and without a noise, hard tears were streaking her face, tracing bright damp furrows on her dusty cheeks. Frowning in concern, Aoshi sat on the branch near her, and he was about to put his arm around her shoulders when she turned her back at him. Totally clueless Aoshi kept gazing at her, not knowing how to comfort her and stop the unverifiable shaking of her frail shoulders. Suddenly, in a very soft move, he caressed Yuki's cheek and breathed,

"Remember what I used to tell you all those years ago, every time you were about to give up?"

Yukiko chuckled between her tears. Aoshi went on.

"Don't let them..."

"_Don't let them break you_", Yukiko finished with nostalgia. 

"Yes."

Sighing, Aoshi patted the sobbing girl's head. He felt old; empty. How many people can say they know you? About Yukiko, he probably was the only one. Torn in that storm of emotions, she was being judged by the ones who didn't have a clue on her true self, who didn't know how vulnerable she was, who didn't see how much she was hurting inside. She just was a lone child, whose last defense was striking first, hurting before being hurt. She had always called, screamed for help, but nobody saw the distress signals she was giving. Nobody but him, and he had wanted to protect her. And he still did want to. 

"You know, I missed you during all those years... I regretted having left on a sudden impulse so much..." she sobbed, trying hard to conceal her trembling voice. 

"You should have come back..." he tried to reason.

"No, no... I didn't want... I was... I was so jealous..."

Aoshi stared at her wide-eyed. Yukiko shook her head in frustration and kept speaking unsurely.

"You didn't grant me a single look... I was... I was only a part of the scenery... I was trying so hard to be the very best, but I never managed to be as strong as Hannya and Okina... I was jealous...  Jealous because you loved Misao more than me, too... She was the only one you really cared about... And she still is... When I wanted to talk with you, I had to come and find you: never have you come by yourself."

Tears had stopped their course on Yukiko's pale cheeks. The young woman's eyes, dull and red from crying, were staring endlessly at something invisible. 

"You were so inaccessible... The only one who could weaken you was that brat, Misao-chan. And I was nothing beside her."

Aoshi couldn't utter a word. He would have loved to tell her she was mistaken. And actually, it was wrong: he had cared about her very much, but in a different way he cared for Misao. In his youth he had loved Yukiko, but youth passes and its first loves fades with it. He still cared, but it was all about brotherly affection. 

But Yukiko, the beautiful woman sitting near him, that he didn't dare hug in his arms, Yukiko was still in love. She had protected him for so long, or at least had tried to believe she was of any help, and now he realized that all the feelings he ever had for her, had disappeared in the hazes of time. Life was so cruel. But Aoshi couldn't hide the truth behind false masks, as anyway Yukiko knew it from the very beginning. Helpless, he stroke her shoulder and said in a slightly remorseful voice,

"Let's get out of this tree, Yuki."

Yuki nodded weakly. She was slightly shaking, both of cold and having cried, and her cheeks were covered with a light flush for having voiced her feelings aloud, but Aoshi didn't seem to mind. In a graceful move she dried her cheeks and started climbing down, following Aoshi who had already begun his way down. They were already half the way down when Yukiko dreadfully felt her damp hands slipping on the rough bark. She shrieked and tried to reassure her grip, but it was too late.

"Aoshi!!"

Yukiko's bandaged feet scraped against the trunk as she fell backwards, having no chance to catch hold of anything. In a rain of pine needles and snow she hit Aoshi, taking him in her fall, and her eyes widened in horror. With a dull sound they crashed on the snowy ground, and Yukiko's head would have badly hit a bare root if Aoshi hadn't circled her body with his arms and sheltered her head with one of his hands. Yukiko moaned weakly, breathing with pain, and opened her eyes... only to find Aoshi lying heavily on top of her. 

The young woman blushed prettily but didn't move. Aoshi's mind was rushing with thoughts about their precarious and intimate position, but he couldn't take his body from her soft warmth, couldn't tear his look off from those amazing, overwhelming green eyes of hers... True, he wasn't in love anymore, but... If he could, maybe he would like to turn back time and again find these blissful times when he was so happy with his fallen friends, Misao-chan and... Yukiko...

And when she delicately tilted her head to kiss him, he didn't find the strength of mind to push her back. Desperately, he wrapped his arms around her and answered to her sad but passionate kiss with one of his.

___________

Misao's eyes flickered and opened, her heart pounded in her chest and blood banged in her temples. Her room was dark and calm, and floating around it, an unusual, masculine... smell... She bit her lip softly and looked at her side; Shiro was nowhere to be seen. With a bittersweet smile she sat on her futon and looked around. The young guy had surely waited for her to fall asleep and then had got back to his own bed, which probably was for the best, she thought. But what was amazing was that she would have sworn that this scent was not Shiro's. She could have sworn it was Aoshi's. 

_You're dreaming, girl_, she mused in disillusion. _Aoshi doesn't care a single bit for you. _So it couldn't be his scent. 

She had been dreaming the sweetest of the dreams. She had dreamt of Aoshi, caring about her and coming to see if she was asleep and resting well. In her dream, Aoshi was smiling kindly, and in a haze he had kissed her. No real kiss, but just a small peck on her forehead. But it was enough for her. It was more than what she ever got from him. 

But dreams never come true. 

Misao swallowed hardly and sighed. She was not tired anymore, but looking at the moon, it was only very early in the morning. Racing her fingers through her dark hair to push away the small strands falling on her eyes, she got up and started tidying everything around, since she was not in the mood for anything that implied thinking, like reading or something else. But as she was folding a yukata carelessly forgotten in a corner of her room, Misao heard a piercing shriek coming from outside. 

All her fighter's senses mobilized in a single second, she rushed to her window and opened it without a noise, her sharp ears trying to gather any sound. Nothing was to be heard now. But Misao was sure she hadn't dreamt, someone had cried for help. Not caring a bit about she was only wearing her night yukata, Misao grabbed about ten kunai lying on her desk and jumped out of the open window. She gracefully landed on the ground, covered with a thick coat of snow, and started scanning the garden. Misao cursed inwardly; that bloody snow reflected the moonlight with blinding blue-green shades and she didn't see a thing. Walking lightly on the snow so as not to let it crunch, she merged in the shadows, trying to find the intruder. 

But as she passed by a high, old cherry tree, a heartbreaking scene unveiled itself. In that single moment, her world fell apart around her, everything smashing to smithereens and being taken off by the cold wind of a winter night. Misao's mouth gaped open and without her noticing, hot tears flooded to her eyes, rolling on her cheeks soundlessly, impossible to stop. 

Under the black pine, Aoshi and Yukiko were sitting on the snow, tightly embraced, kissing endlessly. 

Misao's hands let out her kunai, having no strength left. 

They looked so sad. So innocent. Loving each other like lost children. 

Misao bit her lip until blood came, clenched her fists, clenched her teeth, because if she didn't she knew she couldn't help but cry all the pain that was crushing her heart, leaving only a terrible and gaping emptiness inside of her. She felt betrayed, failed, soiled... 

Unable to bear the sight anymore, she ripped her eyes from the two lovers and started running, as far away as her legs could withstand, as fast as she was able in such a state of distress. She wasn't even looking where she was going; all that mattered was to spread the largest distance between her and these two. She wanted to run away from Aoshi, and that Yukiko he loved so much. She didn't care about the sharp wind that cut her skin, nor about the snowflakes that started falling again. 

Her wild running followed instinctively the usual path she followed every day for now about two years; and Misao, exhausted and out of breath, ended her flight down the huge cryptomeria, in front of the temple where Aoshi meditated... used to meditate, before Yukiko's arrival... the place of the best memories she had with him after his come-back... But all of this was over now, definitely over, and there she lay, crouched between the roots of the protecting tree... But in winter, trees die, just like her love now...

In rage and incomprehension, Misao started punching helplessly the trunk of the tree, her fists scraping against the bark, until her hands were grazed and bloody. But physical pain didn't matter. Nothing mattered but the terrible feeling killing her soul. In a last, desperate cry, she let herself slip on the ground, coiling up between the dark roots, soiling the white snow with her crimson blood, and she stayed there, unable to move, weeping softly.

__________

**Author's notes :**  YAY !!!! I did it !!!

*dodges the hundreds of arrows, kunais and kodachis thrown at her*  DON'T KILL ME PLEEEEEASE !!!! I'm soooooo sorry !!! This part HAD to be written for the good of the story !! I really am sorry  *--_--* gomen nasai . 

But hey, angst climax should be in next part. So in two parts, everything should be alright, ok  ^^ ?  (In two parts, it should above all be the end  ^^o). Ok ok, maybe 3 parts. I'll see anyway, the storyboard is done but I don't know where I'll cut the story. 

All of this is very sad for Misao. Poor Aoshi, Shiro told him his very truth ! Yup, but nothing can be better for the icicle  ^^ . And poor Yukiko, neglected by everyone, loved by no one... even if Aoshi cares... *sniffles* 

So in next chapter, Aoshi vs Misao !!! This is going to be ANGSTY and sad, so be prepared  ^^ !! I promise (?) a happy end.

Ja !! Please review, minna !!!


	10. Chapter 10 : Only Human

Catching Hold of You 

Hey hey back with a new chapter  ^^ !! Sorry for taking so long !!!!

The ending is rather close now ; just a little bit angst more before everything sets right, because if I didn't the end of the story would be boring  ^_~ !!

Thanks you very much to Li Jung Sook, DarkFairy, Hoshiko, Sai, Yen, Mysterious Reviewer, Noa, draganess, DiaBlo, marie, Nicole, Kitty, SilverNimbus, Susy, me me me and only me, Karasu, Chibi-Nikoru, lebleuphenix, pratz, Cleao, ms. naoki, Argentum-Draco, Sarah, Celste, karla and gena for all your nice reviews  ^^ !!!! Thanks for the cookies and the chocolates !!!!  :D

_DiaBlo_ : I'm sorry about the spelling errors. When I read my story again, I can't find them because anyway I know what I (should) have written already. And as I'm not a native English speaker, I'm always looking in my dictionnary... So sometimes I drop it and my sentences are full of mistakes  *^^o* !!

_Nicole_ : Sorry for not uploading faster  ^^ ! I wish I could, but since I have alot of work with my studies, I can't write very often so chapters are rather long to come. I'll try my best !!

Let me explain a thing... Aoshi _doesn't_ love Yukiko, but she is his first love so he still has a little something on her. That's all ! In his mind, Yuki represents a time when he was still surrounded by his friends and still happy. 

*laughs evily*  Ah ah ah ah I love torturing Misao like that ! I am sooo evil and fiendish !!  *sighs*  No no... Sorry again for not making the last chapter happier. I hope you'll still read anyway but hey, this story is classified 'ANGST' after all !!!  ^^ 

Don't forget to review, minna  ^^

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Chapter 10: Only human

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Aoshi awoke with a terrible headache and the unpleasant feeling that he hadn't slept at all. His eyelids were heavy and he remained flat on his futon, his mind wandering. Again and again, the events of the previous night took place in his head, flashes of his argument with Shiro and scraps of his talk with Yukiko. He was reliving her tears, their fall, the way he had tried to protect her... their kiss... and the words she had spoken after. 

__________

_The night before..._

_Yukiko's lips parted slightly from Aoshi's, trembling, moist from the tears she had been crying. Aoshi's eyes were staring intensely into hers, calling the depths of her soul, and it felt so comforting. For the first time in her whole life, she was coiled between her beloved's arms, and here he was, looking at her like at someone precious and dear; not someone soiled and nasty. _

_But kindly Aoshi let go of her, releasing his grip around her waist, and he turned his eyes away, embarrassed. Had she not known him, she would have said he had blushed. _

_"Yuki, I'm sorry."_

_"That's okay," she assured softly, "I know you don't love me."_

_But there was no resentment in her voice. Only a deep sadness, and the bittersweet feeling of having missed something, somewhere. _

_Yukiko drew her knees to her chin, and lost her gaze in the stars. It was a peaceful night, and snow was falling again. Soon, the light flakes started tangling in her dark hair, and she brushed at them carelessly. Like tonight, it had snowed that night she had left the Aoiya ten years ago. The night when she had believed Aoshi didn't love her. Tonight, the snow still poured its cotton rain on them, but it was even sadder. Because Aoshi wouldn't love her anymore._

_"I must pack my bag, if I want to be gone before the snow makes the road to Osaka impassable."_

_Aoshi eyed her weirdly. _

_"You're leaving? You can stay here, you know..."_

_Yukiko shook her head with a small smile._

_"Hey, I'm on an assignment, remember? I only came here to ask for refuge... But now the Yakuzas are defeated, and I can travel without fear."_

_Aoshi nodded. He had truly believed that Yukiko had come back home for good, and he had nearly forgotten about her job as a spy. _

_"When are you leaving?" he asked._

_"Tomorrow. I should already be in Osaka, my boss is going to have my head for that!" she chuckled._

_Aoshi wanted to chuckle with her, but the laughter remained stuck in his throat. _Maybe it was all for the best, after all._ For the second time, he was losing this wonderful woman he regarded as a dear friend. But this time he was not really sad. Just a melancholy undertone and nostalgia of better, more careless times remained. _

_____________

And with that, he remembered helping Yukiko to get up, escorting her to her room and wishing her a good night. Aoshi sighed, trying to tear his head from the cushion, but blood was hammering in his temples. Grimacing, he managed to sit on his futon and he started rubbing his forehead lightly. What he needed the most right now was a big cup of green tea and a bath. And, he cursed himself, having a talk with Misao as soon as possible. 

Aoshi left and closed the door of his room behind him, trying not to wake anyone. It was already quite late since the winter sun was casting its first rays between the lower clouds, but the whole inn seemed to tick over since it had been attacked. Indeed, without their activity as innkeepers, all the family of the Aoiya was idle and kind of depressed, and instead of hanging about they seemed to have decided to have a lie-in before getting up. 

But when Aoshi reached the kitchen to have his breakfast, he found Okina, Okon and Kuro already sitting around the table. With a small nod he acknowledged their greetings and sat near Okina, silently pouring some tea in his cup. In front of him, Aoshi noticed absent-mindedly, Okon looked terrible. She was pale, dark rings surrounded her eyes and she was yawning with a gaping mouth. Guilty, Aoshi thought that he hadn't helped a single bit to clean the mess they had done with fighting in the Aoiya against the Yakuzas. Sure, both him and Yukiko had been injured quite badly, but he was well enough to give a hand and no wonder Okon was exhausted if she had been the one tidying everything after the fight. 

Aoshi was about to ask if his help was needed when Okina spoke, looking worried, while stroking his beard. 

"What's going on with Misao? She should already be up."

Aoshi's facade cracked the slightest bit, and he prayed every god listening that no one had noticed. Shrugging his shoulders, he lied.

"I don't know."

Okina frowned, puzzled. 

"If you go upstairs to go back in your room, would you be kind enough to knock at her door and wake her up?"

Aoshi nodded. Inwardly, now that Okina had voiced his thoughts, he was worried too. In one long gulp, he finished his tea and stood up, ready to leave. More or less, he had what he had wanted now: the opportunity of talking with Misao, even though he somehow feared the confrontation. Would he find the right words to express his feelings? Or, like usual, would the sentences run away when he needed them the most? In his true heart, he hoped that Misao knew him well enough to read his feelings through his eyes and would find in her heart the words he was not able to voice. 

Bracing his shoulders, and straightening his back, Aoshi found himself standing in front of Misao's door. Three times, he raised his hand to knock and three times; his hand fell back by his side. He sighed. There was nothing to be scared of, dammit! All he would find in this room was the peaceful angel he had left asleep the night before. Soundlessly, he would open the window and let the fresh wind blow the black strands hiding her eyes. She would frown in her sleep, and he would wake her up with a kiss. Her eyes would flutter and then widen in recognition of him. And she would smile. 

Gathering his strength of mind, Aoshi resolutely hit the panel with his fist. Inside, no movement was to be heard, as nobody answered. Misao had to be in a deep slumber. He knocked for the second time, hoping she would catch the sound. But again, everything remained silent. A worried look crossed Aoshi's features, as he pushed softly the shoji open, glancing in the room... and froze. 

The air was awfully cold inside the room and it sent deep shivers on his skin. Indeed, the window was gaping open, slightly shaken by the icy wind. Aoshi frantically looked for Misao around him; but the bed was undone and empty, and there was no place where Misao could hide. A long thrill of anguish ran along Aoshi's spine as he stared at the open window; Misao had run away. No, no, he tried to reason with himself: her things, clothes and bag were still there, and Misao wasn't foolish enough to travel without them. _She couldn't be far,_ he thought but his mind filled with scary pictures, she went out and had been out for a long time, as he glanced at the thick layer of snow that had settled inside the window. The snow had stopped falling... during the night... And this meant...

_No! She can't have spent the night outside... could she?_

Without a second thought Aoshi spanned the frame of the window and jumped from the snowy roof to the ground. He landed gracefully and, every sense focused on the landscape, he started searching for any clues. The snowfalls of the night had erased every footprint, and there was no sign of Misao. Aoshi was beginning to fear something serious might have happened to Misao, and irrationally his mind was torturing him with images of Misao, lying dead on the white snow, or left beaten to death by louts in a dark corner... Irritated and distressed, he shook his head and started running, his eyes scanning the surroundings. She was nowhere to be seen... And Aoshi's mind just couldn't stop and think rationally about where she might have escaped. 

Suddenly, something cracked under Aoshi's foot as he was treading upon the snow of the garden. Frowning, Aoshi bent down and dug, half dreading what he might find. His fingers met something hard... hard, cold and... sharp... His breath caught in his throat, Aoshi had discovered Misao's kunai, buried under a thick layer of snow... His heart began pounding loudly in his chest; Misao was somewhere in the wild, disarmed and helpless... Again, the pictures of her were whirling through his mind...

Aoshi stood up in a haze, and as he was about to go on looking for Misao, he realized where he was standing. A few paces away, the old pine tree where Yukiko had been hiding last night and where they had..._ OH NO!!!_ Aoshi was horrified, the realization of what had happened the night before slowly taking shape in his mind. Why? Why? Had Misao really seen them? Had she really let out her kunai at the sight they made? 

How ironic and nasty fate could be. Just when he had come to terms with his feelings for her, Misao had to find him with another. And again, he had to break her heart, just when he had made the silent promise of never hurting her again. Was this a punishment for his selfishness? But then, why did Misao have to suffer because of him? Aoshi shook his head painfully and he cast his thoughts aside. He would explain her. Surely she would understand. She loved him, didn't she? Now only one thing mattered: finding her. And fast.

Again Aoshi started searching the garden; but Misao wasn't there. Dread rushing through his being, he ran to the training hall, to the bathroom, to the storeroom. She was nowhere to be found. Then Aoshi had to accept the obvious fact that Misao wasn't inside the walls of the Aoiya anymore. Cursing between his teeth, he left the inn and began to make his way in the street. Where could she be, damnit?! At a friend's home? But no, he thought, Misao had no friend beside the Oniwabanshuu and the Himuras... or had she? He didn't know. 

_Of course you don't know, you bloody bastard! You assume you know everything about her, but remember that you missed eight years of her life!_

And it was true, painfully true. Except for the kind girl who brought him tea everyday, he didn't know much about Misao. And he hadn't tried to know more, selfishly thinking that he already knew everything. When she chatted happily while pouring his tea, she told him about her training or about the life on the Aoiya, the kind of things he knew even before she was born. But she had never really told much about her life. What she had achieved during the last ten years, the people she had met, the men she had loved, maybe... His heart wrenched painfully. And if Misao had only tried to tell him that nothing had changed? She surely had friends, but never mentioned them. As if to tell him: you are my only friend, like all those years ago, nothing changed between us and everything will be alright. And he still didn't know. 

Lost in his sad musings, Aoshi hadn't truly paid attention to his surroundings for quite some time now. Worried, he glanced behind him; had he missed her while he wasn't looking? Should he go back, or continue? He had almost reached the temple now, and behind the temple there only were the woods... Could Miso have gone in the woods? Helpless, Aoshi was split between searching the forest and go back in the town when something black, standing out on the immaculate snow in the garden of the temple, caught his attention. 

He started running, having a terrible foreboding, and cold sweatdrops were forming in his nape. Tripping over in the snow, he was only a few meters away from the little form when...

"MISAO!!!"

Huddled up between the dark roots of the cryptomeria, half-buried under the snow, Misao was lying, lifeless. Her raven, undone hair was shining, starry with frost, drawing dark patterns on the white snow. And her skin was pale, so pale, almost translucent, blue with hypothermia... drained of blood...

The snow was sewing her a huge, white shroud, sparkling around her, and she had never seemed so untouched. 

Aoshi knelt by her side in a hurry, and gathered her frail body between his arms. She was cold, dreadfully cold... He had to find something to warm her up – anything... He could almost feel her weak life slipping between her purple lips... Thoughtlessly he took off his shirt and wrapped tightly Misao in it, then he brought her close to his chest, trying to transmit her his body heat. Misao was barely breathing, he had to take her back to the Aoiya: there she could be treated correctly; he was too distressed to even remember what to do in such a case. Rubbing her arms and her cheeks to speed up her blood circulation, he hugged her and lifted her up, pulling her to his heart as he started running to get her under cover. 

Imperceptibly, Misao's ragged breath changed, and she coughed weakly. Aoshi's eyebrows creased worriedly, not knowing if this was a good or a bad sign. Holding her tighter, he tried to warm her up, and he muttered in her hair.

"Please, Misao, don't leave..."

Paralysed by the cold, Misao couldn't move, couldn't even breathe; all she felt was the terrible pain that burnt her lungs, tugging at her skin and seemed to take her away from this world. She couldn't understand a thing: all around her was uniformly, frighteningly white. But somehow, beyond the scary jail where her mind was trapped, she felt something comforting, something soft and strong that wanted to rip her out of this hell.

_________

Okina thanked the doctor for having come so fast and took him back to the main door. Deep in his thoughts, he closed the door slowly and headed back for Misao's room, his pace hesitant and tired. It was barely noon and yet it seemed to him that a whole day had already taken place. Sighing heavily, he paused in the stairs, his aching limbs reminding him that he was not growing younger. 

When he had seen Aoshi running towards the Aoiya, his face haggard and oh-so-easily readable and a lifeless Misao wrapped in his arms, Okina had feared the worst. Now, hours later, his hands were still slightly shaking of the dread he had felt. Okon had been the first one to react and had immediately brought blankets and hot water to warm the freezing girl, while Shiro had run out to find a doctor. Fortunately, according to the wise man, Misao was pulling through with pneumonia; even though the illness wasn't mild and had to be treated carefully, Okina couldn't help but feel relieved. 

The old man pushed the door open and came in Misao's room. Moaning with fever, the young girl was tucked up in her futon, in a broken slumber; she was delirious, babbling incoherent words and calling for Aoshi. Sometimes her eyebrows frowned and she seemed to have trouble in breathing as she struggled for air. Each time, Omasu, who was watching over her, stood up and tried to do anything to help; the suffocation and the spasms soon stopped and Misao was falling on her bed again. 

Okina's glance fell on Misao's bandaged hands. When Aoshi had brought her back, her hands were scratched and injured and the edges of the wounds had turned purple with the cold. He quite didn't understand what had happened in fact, but he was sure that Misao was not the kind of person who inflicts such wounds on themselves. His intuition told him that Aoshi and Yukiko had something to do with it. Maybe he was a tired, old lion but he was not blind for all that. 

Inviting Yukiko to the Aoiya had been a mistake, he was aware of it, but the Oniwabanshuu would really be dead if their former members had left one of them in trouble without helping. 

Misao was still muttering her nonsense, shivering with temperature. Slowly, Omasu cooled her forehead with a wet piece of cloth; but it didn't stop the younger girl from tossing and turning. The woman by her side frowned worriedly.

"Don't worry, Omasu. That's normal, it's all about the fever," Okina said quietly. Omasu nodded.

Shaking his head thoughtfully, the old man left the room and headed for Aoshi's. There were things to settle right with him and, even though Okina didn't feel like interfere in Misao and Aoshi's relationship, he wouldn't let the young man hurt his protégé. There were limits that shouldn't be crossed, and Aoshi seemed not to be aware of them. Okina was going to remind him about, and he was determined to be plain and sharp. 

A light knock was heard and immediately Aoshi's voice rose from inside the room.

"You can come in, Okina."

The elder man sighed and opened the door. His eyes were cold and accusing, not excusing the slightest bit the man in front of him for his behavior. 

"Stop playing with her." Okina's own words resounded in his ears, hurting more than he had expected them to. Aoshi looked taken aback, and his mouth gaped slightly before he closed it stubbornly. He diverted his gaze and blurted out his reply.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Great," Okina fumed inwardly, as his icy words tried to cut deeper, now willingly mean, "Great, Aoshi, I was expecting more from someone like you. You were so heartless from the very beginning, but we all truly believed that she could make you change. Now look what you did! She nearly died because of you! The best thing you could ever do for her is to tell her the truth, but you won't because you're too proud. That's great, go on hiding your face. That's the best way to loose her forever."

Aoshi's blood was boiling inside his veins. Why didn't they understand? He wanted to tell her! He wanted her to know! But everyone seemed to think he still only was the cold-hearted bastard he once was, and that he was enjoying seeing her so helpless and desperate... How wrong they were... and how much he loved her, but he just didn't know how to explain her what he was feeling inside without hurting her more. For so long, he had tried to believe that her happiness laid away from him. But with Yukiko's arrival, he had understood something crucial. Yukiko loved him dearly, and he had tried to believe that she could find her way away from him; but she had been unhappy for her whole life. She had never forgotten about him, but now it was too late. Yet, he wouldn't make the same mistake twice. He was sure he loved Misao, and he wouldn't allow her life to be ruined. 

But no one understood. First Shiro, and now Okina. They didn't understand. Was he turning mad? He loved her. He needed her. But everyone seemed to want them to be torn apart, after having craved so much for them to get together. They didn't understand. He had never meant to hurt her. He was just uncomfortable with words. But he would tell her as soon as she would wake up, and everything would be alright... They didn't understand... _They don't understand..._

Aoshi was about to let out a caustic answer when someone knocked at the door. Breathing in deeply to calm down, he turned and said coolly: "Come in."

The shoji slid open; and Yukiko appeared in the doorframe. Her thin body was concealed in her thick travel coat, and she was carrying her bag hanging to her sword sheath, just the way she did the day she arrived to the Aoiya. She was holding her straw hat in her hand, and she cast an alarmed glance, as she knew she was intruding in an argument. Her face was pale and tired, her eyes slightly red and she bit her lower lip. Fidgeting with her hat, she mumbled a word of apology and said in a soft but firm tone,

"I just wanted to thank everyone for having welcome me in here. I have to leave now."

Aoshi's anger fell down and his eyes saddened. So there was the time for good byes. Yukiko headed towards Okina and bowed formally in front of the old man.

"Thank you so much, Okina-san. I'll always be indebted to you for everything you did for me."

Okina looked like he was softening. Kindly, just like a grandfather would, he patted Yukiko's shoulder, asking her silently to straighten.

"It's okay, Yukiko. You don't owe me anything."

Aoshi would have sworn that Yukiko's jaw had clenched as she tried to hold back her tears. She nodded and asked quietly, "Could I speak to Aoshi alone?"

Okina hesitated then nodded, and left quickly. Yukiko stood in the middle of the room, unsure and uncomfortable; Aoshi didn't dare say a thing. Finally, the young woman gathered her courage and said casually.

"I guess it's time for us to say good bye, Aoshi."

"I know."

Again she smiled, wanting to look brave and yet unveiling her weaknesses. 

"You'll find your future, Aoshi. Don't worry about me; I'm strong enough to bear the meanderings of life... I don't know how long it will take, but I'll come to see you when I'll have come to terms with all of this... And I hope I'll find a happy father with a lovely family, right?"

Her eyes widened and she seemed to remember of something, as she started rummaging in her bag to take out an item carefully wound in a piece of cloth.

"Oh, and could you give that to Misao when she'll awake?"

Aoshi was about to question her, but her eyes were staring at him pleadingly and he accepted reluctantly. Yukiko's smile brightened, looking relieved. 

"I think she deserves it. She's strong. She would have been a good ninja."

Aoshi nodded. Behind the provocative façade was still hiding the kind and stubborn girl he had loved, defiant but clear-sighted. Even though she had grounds for hating Misao, she didn't anymore and she acknowledged her strength. Protectively, Aoshi hugged the young woman for the last time and said softly, 

"Thank you."

Yukiko's eyes tinted with amusement, and she cocked her head slightly.

"You're welcome."

And with these last words, he gazed at her as she left. They hadn't voiced the words of apology that should have been said to soothe the excruciating pain still burning in their heart, but both of them knew that the past could be left behind for good this time. He wouldn't inflict her more suffering; he knew that for now on, she would be able to dress her wounds. Now had come the time for things to move on. 

Aoshi's fingers brushed against the cloth wrapped around the small package Yukiko had given for Misao. Slowly, he began to undo the layer and he found a long piece of worn leather lying between his hands. He stared at it wide-eyed, recognizing the Oniwabanshuu belt that Yukiko had inherited from her father. The leather was crackled and damaged for having been worn so much, and the buckles had lost their metallic gleam, and yet... Why had she willingly left that belt, as it was so laden with memories that were so important to her? Did she want Misao to watch over him instead of herself?

But Misao deserved something else... He had never thought about it... Frantically, Aoshi started searching his own belongings.

__________

Slowly, her finger traced the silver print left by a raindrop running on the other side of the window. The coldness under her hand, at least, was honest. She had been standing in front of the window for an hour, just staring at the snow falling softly and melting as it met the pane. Omasu had left as she thought the younger girl was sleeping peacefully, having not noticed that she actually was awake. She didn't care about her fever or the oppressive feeling weighing on her chest, making her breath wheeze and muffle in a suffocating sound. 

Everything in her mind was white and wild, as if whirling in the chaos. Screaming in the middle of it was his betrayal. Misao couldn't believe what she had seen, and yet the evidence was so obvious that she didn't even bother to look for excuses. She had always kept the hope, in the pit of her heart that everything would finally be fine, but the previous night had swept away every dream she had treasured. He didn't love her. He loved another. No mix-up again. After all the times she had thought he cared, he proved that she was wrong. Strongly, endlessly, maybe hopelessly, she had tried to search for the smallest sign of love in every glance they shared and, true, she had foolishly believed that she had found some. How stupid. The truth, in its naked simplicity, hurt even more. 

Maybe his behavior had been ambiguous. Do you hold so dearly someone you don't love? Had he tried to fool her, to play with her? That musing was so painful, she couldn't stand it. Maybe. She didn't care now. It didn't matter. He wouldn't approach her anymore. She wouldn't allow him to get through the hurdles she would lay between them. Her being wouldn't have to suffer from him anymore. From now on, Aoshi Shinomori was a complete stranger to her. 

That was the only way to avoid the inexorable destruction of her soul. Crushed under the weight of her unrequited love and deceived illusions. No betrayal anymore. With her mind inaccessibly far away from him if not her body, he wouldn't be able to hurt her. 

Misao had made up her mind. 

A knock on her door made her shudder, and she wildly faced the slim figure entering her room. Her eyes widened, half in fear and half in sorrow, but she didn't allow them to water. There she stood, tensed and defiant, yet not betraying the furious pain and anguish growing inside of her. For the first time in years, she found the strength of staring straight in his cold, blue-grey eyes without blinking. It hurt, and she read in those grey orbs that it hurt him too. Good. 

Aoshi was standing in the doorframe, not really knowing what to do. He had expected her to be in her bed and asleep, and not fully awake, as though waiting for his explanations. Sighing slightly, he walked towards her and coughed before talking. 

"Misao... Yukiko gave me this for you before she left."

Hesitant, he offered her the old, crackled piece of leather. Misao's eyes blurred in incomprehension, and she was about to say something when he cut her short. 

"But I thought you deserved this even more."

Slowly, Aoshi held out a strange item Misao hadn't seen for such a long time...  It looked like Yukiko's belt, but it was made of three long pieces of leather, and was locked by three silver buckles. Misao didn't need a second glance to know what Aoshi was giving her. It was the symbol of the highest rank in the Oniwabanshuu. It was something that would have fulfilled her ambitions as a ninja a few years sooner. It was the distinctive belt of the Okashira. 

And yet, just now, nothing could have disappointed her more. Frustration, anger, resentment rushed in her head and heart, burning and aching. So he thought that a title could make up for taking away her happiness. This was his answer to her sorrow. Aoshi, the man without heart she had loved with such fervor, thought that she would feel repaid because he abandoned his title to her. It was so unfair and disgusting that she felt soiled. She had endured feelings that nothing could ever repay, and surely not his condescension. 

Misao's hands were shaking somehow hysterically, and she let out a mad laughter, ringing bitterly in her own ears. Softly, she grabbed the belt in a disillusioned move and suddenly, with lightening speed she opened the window and threw the belt as far as she only could. Her eyes harsh and expressionless, she stared at its flight in the hazy light, before it crashed in the snow and disappeared. Then, she fiercely turned around and faced Aoshi, her look fiery.

"Out of my sight, Shinomori."

Aoshi remained stunned, unable to understand what had just happened. His heart constricted in his chest, as he gazed helplessly at Misao's burning eyes, at the young, beautiful woman standing in front of him. Her features, her moves; everything about her was etched in his memory. He loved her, everything about her. And Kami knows how much she had tried to catch his attention, and how aware of it he had been. And how much he had wanted to preserve her from himself. But now, now that he had found what truly laid in his heart, now that he had come to tell her everything she meant to him, he faced someone so different... Still the same Misao, and yet such a different person. 

And in those blue eyes piercing through his being, he could see the cold light of rejection. It hurt. How could she reject him?! Why?! He loved her! How could...

Misao blinked in fear when Aoshi took a step towards her, his eyes cold like ice and intensely focused on hers. Dreadfully, she felt her hand shaking, and she clenched it in a fist. As he took another step, she moved back. Threateningly, he kept walking slowly, and she kept backing up, anguish now fully readable on her face. Suddenly, Misao hit the wall, and she tensed, her jaw set, as she tried to flatten against it. Her eyes widened in panic as Aoshi kept moving towards her, his eyes unreadable and terrifying, gleaming evilly. He was not further than three steps now. Two. One...

Misao was about to call for help, wide-eyed and scared by the fervor radiating around him, when his right hand quickly pushed her back against the wall, and before she could make a single move to get free, his lips were on hers. Taken aback, Misao's scream kept stuck in her throat and she raised her fist instinctively, as she started to squirm. Harshly, his own left hand grabbed her fist and pinned it against the wall. Misao froze, and she felt his lips claiming hers eagerly, his tongue playing on her mouth and trying to slip in. His scent was intoxicating. Her limbs were so weak, and she felt like a bundle of nerves terribly aware of his body pressed against hers. 

And beside herself, her resistance failed under his kisses, and she felt her own lips part slightly and answer. Once, twice, she responded almost shyly, earning a loud groan from those soft and demanding lips of his as their tongues brushed and twisted. Wildly, his right hand cupped her head and titled it backwards, trying to deepen the kiss, capturing her small gasps and stroking the soft, shivering skin of her nape.

But as his skilled fingers started tangling with her hair, Misao let out a small cry and violently pushed back. Puzzled and wild, Aoshi stepped back and starred at the tiny girl shaking in front of him. His mind was an uncontrolled turmoil, and he hardly managed to regain enough self-control to try and analyse the situation. What had got inside of him?! Why did he such thing... forcing a kiss from her... And he found himself totally helpless, as he would have expected her to be amazed, or at least angry. Yet instead of that, the young woman in front of him faced the ground intensely, trembling and miserable, her cheeks moist with hot tears she tried hard to hide as she covered her mouth with her hand, as though trying to erase the taste of his lips on hers. 

"Get out, Aoshi..." she merely managed to whisper between her smothered sobs.

And having no choice of doing anything else without making everything worse, Aoshi walked slowly towards the door, his mouth dry and wordless. The only feeling remaining inside of him was the memory of her softness, her taste, her warmth, and the way it had made him feel.

As the shoji slipped close, Misao couldn't stand it anymore and fell on her knees, giving way to her pain and crying her heart out, somehow hoping the burning tears could soothe her soul and make the feeling of loss lessen. Never had she felt so lost and alone, and she just wanted to let out, not caring the slightest bit about the whole damn world and, even more, about the man placing her in such distress. Might she die, she didn't care. She just couldn't believe there was so much cruelty in him, and she just craved for amnesia. 

___________

**Author's notes :** YAY !! DONE !!

I am not satisfied at all with this chapter. It was the hardest I ever wrote, I had a terrible inspiration breakdown. I hope it makes sense anyway and that you liked it. I'll try to rewrite it but I don't have much time and I can't afford spending time on rewriting chapters if I want the story to go on. Actually, the chapters in this story are quite long so I can't take as time as I would like to on each of them. I really would like to take time to write them, rewrite and reread and then, but hey, there would be months between two chapters  ^^ !!!

Anyway, this was the usual thousands-times-written forced-kiss scene  ^^ !! I hope you liked it !!! I'm not very good at writing kissing scenes, so go easy on me, onegai !!! And Yukiko got out of the way... I'm sorry, this chapter refered to a lot of things I had introduced in the first chapters and if you read them a long time ago, you might not remember of them. Anyway, Yukiko's departure doesn't seem to make the things easier either... Hey hey a bit of angst more in next chappie ^^ !!! As I said, anything else would be boring  ^^ !!! 

Your reviews help me a lot !!!! Keep reviewing !!! Thank you so much again for reading  ^^


	11. Chapter 11 : Mishearing

Catching Hold of You 

Can you believe it ??!! This story exceeded 100 reviews !!! I'm just daydreaming right ?  ^^ 

Soooo BIG thanks to Yen, Cleao, lebleuphenix, CardMistress Sakura, Darkfairy, me, Kartos, Serena, The Mysterious Reviewer (whom I still don't know the name), iceangel, JadeGoddess, nekonomiko, Haruka, Chibi-Nikoru, The big guy, Noa, M-A, Luli451, celste, DiaBlo, pratz, M2D, Himura Kaoru-dono, Other Mysterious Reviewer, Lorik, Mica-chan and redroseprincess678 for your kind reviews !!! It really helped me A LOT  ^^ and it means so much to know that people are enjoying what you do  ^^ !! Please keep reviewing  ^^ !!!

I'm REALLY SORRY for taking such a looooooong time to write this part. Independently of some things I couldn't do a thing about (such as my computer breaking down for a while, my homework increasing as though I didn't already get enough and so), I just didn't have a lot of inspiration. And besides, it's all of Noa's fault, because I fell in a serious period of Under-The-Cherry-Tree-dependency which kept me busy for almost a month. So curse Noa, not me  ( kidding minna !!! Don't curse her !! She's a wonderful authoress, that's all  ^^ ). Anywa, here's the chapter so I hope it was worth waiting  ^^ .

Note : a _kunoichi_ is a female ninja. Just for the ones who wouldn't know  ^^ .

**WARNING :** Slight lime at the end of the chapter. Please don't read if you're under thirteen. Anyway, this story's rated PG-13 so....

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Chapter 11: Mishearing

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What had just happened, Misao didn't even want to know, didn't even want to think about it. It felt like the terrible betrayal, the failure of the loved one. This wasn't love. Fallen on the floor, her knees drawn to her chin, she kept crying, helpless, motionless. This wasn't love. 

Slowly, she managed to get up while leaning on the wall. Her knees felt weak, and she had to cling to the furniture to keep standing. She felt numb, cold, and empty. The salty taste of tears wouldn't leave her lips, but it was still unable to conceal the taste of Aoshi's. It remained, both sweet and bitter, invading her senses, persistent and maddening, as did the sound of her own cry, still rolling through her mind. True, she had craved for him to kiss her. But not that way. This wasn't a kiss. The harshness, the violence had hurt her to no point. 

Sadly, Misao wiped the tears from her face and swallowed a last sob. The hole, deep in her chest, threatened to snatch her towards its abyss, but she ripped herself out of the moist drowsiness of her sadness. She was strong, wasn't she? She could stand it. She wouldn't let him destroy her. 

Bit by bit, the distress was slowly replaced with anger, the despair with blind rage. She was sick with his lies, sick, sick! That wasn't fair! She had given him everything she had, how did he dare claim more? Her hands shaking with fury, Misao opened a drawer and started rummaging in it, as she knew only one way to clear her mind. Practice, practice until she fell with exhaustion, since now her art of fighting was all she had left. Finally, her fingers touched the expected coldness of her kunai, and a bitter smile found its way on her wet lips. 

She grabbed her kunai and threw them on the desk, then she frantically removed her yukata and slipped in her training suit. Her breathing was wheezy, and sometimes a coughing fit reminded her how ill she was, leaving her weak and helpless, but right now she didn't care. The fire burning in her lungs would not keep her from letting out the steam, and all the tears she could cry wouldn't be enough. Screaming aloud how bad she felt wouldn't be enough. Fighting until she couldn't cry or scream anymore would, or at least she thought so. 

Dizzy and hesitant, Misao stepped out of her room and left the building soundlessly. She felt like her heart was overturning at each step, and three times she had to stop and lean against the wall for a few seconds, fearing she might faint. Was she really that ill? The doctor had spoken about a pneumonia or something like that, but she had hardly been ill more than four or five times since her childhood, so this couldn't be that bad, could it? Why did she feel like passing out each time she bent her head? Gathering her courage, Misao breathed in firmly and resolutely walked towards the training hall bathed in silky moonlight. 

Once in the training hall, she closed the door behind her and, casting aside her dizzy spells, she ensured her grip on the soft hilt of her kunai. Under her feet, the floor was slowly regaining its usual hardness, not pitching anymore – or at least it was bearable. Shaking, she brushed away her long bangs, falling over her feverish eyes. The target she used to hit so easily a few days ago, seemed suddenly so far away... Misao breathed in painfully; each puff of air was scratching inside her lungs. Anyway, she had to regain her self-control: how could she so easily admit her own defeat?

But in her deep grief and sorrow, she managed to gather strength unknown even to her. Anger burning in the pits of her reddened eyes, she let out her battle cry and started throwing her kunai at the targets arranged all over the hall. Most of the small, sharp blades missed their aim, but Misao didn't care. She went on throwing, as she tried to channel all her frustration in that mere action. Fast, she was short of weapons, and she began to link jumps and strikes, bursting from a side of the room to another and catching some blades in the process. How did it happen that she felt both so strong and so vulnerable? So powerful yet so weak?

The intoxicating feeling almost succeeded in erasing the pain. Oh God, how good it felt to forget about the whole damn world... Not thinking... Just drowning in the smoothness of oblivion...

Yet the hardness of life snatched her again and Misao shrieked helplessly when her weak legs gave up under her weight, and she crashed down heavily on the ground. Her teeth knocked together violently as her chin hit the tatami head on, and the bitter taste of blood filled her mouth. The blinding, comforting feeling of forgetting faded and left her alone, surrounded by the threatening darkness of the training hall. Misao stayed limply on the floor, as her old, manhandled wounds were reviving. Again, her ribs were sending needles of fire all along her body, and her swollen ankle hurt like hell. How stupid. She was alone.

"Why?!", she cried aloud to no one. 

Her fist banged against the floor with a muffled sound. Sobbing, suffocating with helplessness, she forced her body to kneel, but her shoulders remained stooped, as though wanting to preserve what remained of her lost strength. Again, she fisted her hand and was about to punch the ground again and again, anger and frustration rushing out of her, when a soft, but so hurtful voice spoke behind her.

"Misao...?"

__________

Aoshi had gotten out of the room in a haze. His mind just seemed as if it couldn't make out what he just did. When had he become so mad?! What pushed him through all of this?! And more, how had he been able to do such a thing to Misao, of all people?! 

Misao, so helpless and fragile and untouched.

And yet evoking in him the strongest desires ever.

Without him even noticing, his feet brought him to the garden, towards the healing scent of the pine needles, heavy with snow. Wild, lost in his thoughts, Aoshi leaned against the black bark of the pine tree, which made a light shower of snow, fall from the lower branches. His legs, weakened with despair, couldn't take his weight anymore and he heavily fell on the white coat covering the ground between the dark roots. A sparkling mist of white flakes surrounded him for a while, then faded, leaving him alone in the surrealist landscape, made of bright brushes of blue and white under the silver moonlight, colors of coldness; colors of death. 

Aoshi's head remained hidden between his hands, his elbows resting on his up drawn knees. His blood banged in his temples, creating a stifling, stupefying row inside his head, when he desperately needed some calm to put his thoughts in order.

"KUSO!!!" he yelled out while punching angrily a bump of snow nearby. 

His self-control was being drained out of him, and he had to restrain himself from going out and blindly killing anyone getting across his path, just to let all his rage out. As he realised it, his own thoughts surprised him. When had he gotten so uncontrolled?! Where was gone the cool, emotionless Okashira?! 

He was becoming dangerous. Aoshi knew it. Right now, he could have killed anyone, just to soothe his exacerbated nerves.

He knew he was having a relapse. Again, when he had thought that the nightmare was over, he was drowning in the shaking state of fury in which he was after the death of his men. The blinding mix of pain and anger, which had already pushed him once into the darkest aspects of his personality, threatened him. The guilt overwhelmed him once again. 

_Think, think, Aoshi!_

A little voice inside his head woke him from his awaken nightmare. _Yes, think, try to think reasonably. You're losing your hold over yourself. Have a rest, Aoshi. You're going to regret whatever you could ever do right now, as you're already regretting what you did two years ago. Think about it, Aoshi, and think about her. Do you want to impose this on her?_

Aoshi shook his head helplessly. If he did anything inconsiderate, he knew Misao would be sad. He didn't want her to be sad. He had to regain his self-control, and try to make out his problems reasonably, assume his responsibilities. But his mind was such turmoil; he just couldn't line up two coherent thoughts. He had to vent his anger out before he could take stock of the situation. And he knew the best way to chase away his superfluous musings and feelings, was training until he was exhausted. Then, his thoughts usually became amazingly clear and orderly. 

His decision made, everything seemed easier. His steps still slightly hesitant, Aoshi got up and headed towards the training hall bathed in the cold blue-black moonlight. Slowly his breath was quieted, deadly steady as he was mentally preparing to train with all his might. He stretched his hand out to open the wooden door when the ragged sound of a heavy breathing caught his attention. 

His eyebrows creased and Aoshi cautiously half opened the door. Who could be there? An intruder? Who would train at such an hour? The heavy door slid in its rail and, as his eyes were getting used to the dim twilight spread all over the shadowy hall, Aoshi's mind filled with perplexity and half-incomprehension showing through his blurred eyes. Insensitive to the whole world surrounding her, Misao was fighting against ghosts taking shape in her own imagination, and her innocent face still wore the wet traces of hot tears. She didn't seem to realize that he was standing in the doorframe, gazing at her with such intensity, and she kept whirling, desperately running out of strength. 

Yet suddenly the fascinating, breathtaking display of everything he wished for, was torn apart and he watched her fall limply on the floor. How sad and broken she looked. He craved so much to hold her. But he stayed there, watching silently, not daring utter a word. With discouraged slowness, Misao tried to get up and miserably failed, helpless. Her fist raised and banged against the tatami in a gesture of defeat and Aoshi could help but wince at the painful, betrayed expression etched on her features. 

"Why?!", she cried aloud to no one. 

A smothered sob was heard, squeaking oddly as she tried to swallow it. Aoshi couldn't stand it anymore. He had to do something to end her suffering. He took a hesitant step towards her and called softly, trying not to scare her by making his presence known.

"Misao...?"

Her head jerked up and she faced him wildly, anger, uncertainty, and disbelief running freely on her tear-streaked face. 

"Wh-what are y-you...", she choked out as her small frame started to shake. Her blurry, sparkling blue eyes flashed with hatred as she wrapped her arms around her petite form protectively.

_Do you hate me, Misao? Have you grown to hate me?_

Aoshi crossed half the distance between them in a few, slow steps. But as he honestly tried to come and comfort her, Misao grabbed her kunai with lightening speed and shouted.

"Don't come closer!!"

He blinked sadly. 

"Misao..." he tried to explain, but his words were fleeing away again, leaving him frustratingly alone in front of her. Softly, he stepped closer, trying to capture her trembling gaze with his, but a wheezing sound pierced through the darkness and a smarting pain flashed in his cheek. His eyes widened in disbelief, and his fingers brushed absent-mindedly against his cheek, covering with deep red prints. Behind him, the kunai had got deeply hammered in the wall after his deadly accurate flight. Aoshi stared at Misao, whose hand was still raised in her firing stance. 

Aoshi's eyes enlightened with both anger and sadness, and in front of him, Misao's hurt ones blurred with repressed tears. However she looked determined, and quickly recovering her senses after the shock of what she had just done, she grabbed every kunai at hand. Then, mobilizing all her will, she forced her tired body to get up and faced him, fiery and wild, with handfuls of kunai gathered in her small fists.

_She isn't going to..._

Aoshi just managed to catch a boken carelessly left on the floor near the door before Misao's battle cry resounded in the training hall.

"KANTATSU TOBIKUNAI!!!"

The tens of flying, silver blades tore the eerie light, but most of them brushed against Aoshi's skin without scratching it. The last ones were easily diverted with a mere move of his boken by the well-trained ninja, and none managed to take him by surprise as the first had. Helplessly, he gazed at Misao charging towards him, her ki increased tenfold by rage and pain. 

_Is that what you want, Misao? To fight me?_

Without even thinking, he dodged her punches, her kicks, and listened to her hurt cries, as she couldn't even touch him. Already out of strength and yet drawing her possibilities in her distress, Misao increased her speed, and her rain of strikes was becoming heavier and heavier.

_But I don't want to fight you!_

Aoshi went on blocking the blows. When had she become so alert? He wouldn't be able to take it for long without striking back... Her fist brushed against his jaw, and he took a step back while grabbing her wrist and pushing her back roughly. With a shriek, Misao crashed against the floor and moaned in pain. Her shaking hands felt the floor and came upon a forgotten kunai. Firmly, her hand clenched on the hilt and she got up again even though she knew that she wouldn't next time. Gathering all her might, she ran, out of breath, towards the cool man in front of her. Why wouldn't he strike back?! Was she such a burden that he didn't even bother?

Pain flashed through her eyes, and she raised the small knife. Sure, she was no match for him, and she couldn't fight with half her abilities right now, but for a while she thought she would hit him. Yet as always, Aoshi slipped away just before the gleaming blade met his skin, and Misao only mixed the void beneath her weapon. This was too much. Her uncontrolled run sent her crashing against the wall, and her sore body hit the wooden panel, a burning pain radiating through her whole body. She couldn't take more. The tears burst out and she bit her lower lip harshly, trying to retain the sobbing. 

_Okay, do you get it now?! I can't cope with all of this. I'm no match for you. I don't have anything left. You took everything. Do you get it?!_

Sniffling, she turned around in defeat, her sobs caught in her throat with what remained of her breath. Her burning tears blurred her sight and ran painfully on her dirty cheeks. She looked so young. Trembling slightly, her shoulders shaking convulsively with her weeping, Misao walked slowly towards Aoshi, her head bent, her eyes hidden behind her long bangs.

"I don't need your pity, do you get it?!", she weakly cried. Furious hurt showing through the tears, she raised her kunai for the last time and...

Aoshi didn't move. Misao's eyes widened as she helplessly saw her own knife getting driven into Aoshi's flesh, the blade piercing through the thin material of his shirt and cutting into his skin, sliding against the collarbone and ripping a long, bleeding mark. 

_A-Aoshi-sama... Wh-Why didn't you move...?_

Misao stared in horror at her own weapon stuck in Aoshi's upper chest, and she was about to shriek when her wild thoughts were cut short when two soft, warm arms engulfed her, wrapping around her shoulders. Her mind totally blank, speechless and shocked, Misao felt a strong hand cupping her head and another sneaking against her back, bringing her close to Aoshi's chest. 

Her hands still clenched around the hilt of her kunai, Misao was huddled up tightly between Aoshi's arms. Slowly, her shaking fingers released the small weapon, which fell on the ground with a cold ringing. Aoshi was hugging her as if there was no tomorrow. 

"I'm sorry ", he whispered almost soundlessly against her hair as he brought her head against his shoulder, stroking the soft skin of her nape. Unsure, Misao remained motionless in his embrace, transfixed, as if rooted on the spot, and then after a moment of uncertainty, she frantically clenched her fists in the fabric against his back, pressing her body to his desperately. Wildly, she snuggled closer and he greeted her with a relieved sigh, holding her tight, almost painfully, drowning in her warmth, his face buried in her silky hair, his nose brushing softly against her temple. Both of them were trembling, hugging each other furiously, as if fearing the other might leave. 

"I'll tell you everything, Misao..." Aoshi promised in a ragged murmur, and he felt her nod shakily against his shoulder. He breathed in deeply and started his explanation, his voice slightly hesitant.

"It all began when you were three..." his warm breath trickled on her shivering skin, and Misao tightened her embrace around his chest. "Then, Mizukaze-sama was my instructor while Okina was helping your grandfather, during the troubled period of the Bakumatsu. He was a strong man and one for honor and moderation, and I thought highly of him. Yet once a girl I had never seen before came into the training hall with our training group, and declared she was a new recruit. No one really cared, after all, there were so many men killed in those times that the teams were changing quickly, and many men from provincial clans had been sent for helping in Edo. Even though kunoichi were rare, and this one really young, no one really noticed her."

Misao was listening steadily, and Aoshi went on, his voice low.

"But when Mizukaze came to have a look at our training and noticed this girl, he became raving mad. I never thought that I would ever see one of my superiors loose his self-control like that. He gave her a thrashing, and if someone hadn't stopped him, I think he would have killed her. After that incident, the atmosphere got more tensed than it had ever been, and most of the ninjas of our team avoided the young girl and feared Mizukaze-sama. The hatred between them was more than palpable. The girl acted stubbornly and aggressively towards everyone. It was only months later that I understood she was Mizukaze's daughter. She was called Yukiko."

Misao nodded slightly. More or less, it was what Omasu had told her.

"As for me, I wasn't really the friendly type, kind of cold and not talkative, as she was. I think it was what brought us together."

Aoshi paused, adjusting his hold around Misao's shoulders.

"But behind the provocative mask, she was hurting a lot. She had no one she could rely on. So I suggested to her to rely on me. I didn't think all of this would lead to love. It just happened. When she was sixteen and I, almost eighteen, she came and told me she was in love with me. She was not one for compromises, and I was the Okashira, and I had to care after you... Her very presence in the Oniwabanshuu had already perturbed our work, what would happen if I allowed myself to love her? I knew everyone would feel betrayed, especially you, and I was not sure about my own feelings... So I decided to turn her request down. But... today I know that I did love her."

Misao was staring wide-eyed at nothingness, lost in her thoughts and dismayed by Aoshi's revelations. So... 

_I know that I did love her._

Aoshi felt a light push against his chest and loosened his embrace around Misao's frail shoulders to stare in foggy, dizzy eyes blurred with concealed tears. His eyes widened slightly and he was about to ask her what was going on, but a small, reassuring smile curved her red lips and her soft fingers brushed against his mouth, closing it kindly with their luring touch. He gazed at her in disbelief when she stepped away, hardly holding back her tears but that fake smile still trying to fool him. No words were breathed and Aoshi's eyes fixed her petite figure as she walked towards the door in silence. At the doorframe, Misao paused and turned around to face him, that bloody smile plastered on her face and yet it was betrayed by the shaking in her voice.

"You know, Aoshi... You still can catch up with her if you're fast enough; she's only been gone for a few hours. I wish you a happy life, Aoshi and... I won't forget about you."

His heart clenched painfully in his chest as he stared at her retreating back, and his cold mask broke ever so slightly. She had got it all wrong! She couldn't go like that! He still had so much to explain... so much to tell her, and so many feelings that needed to get poured out...

__________

Trying not to think about the tall, bewildered man standing behind her, Misao resolutely stepped out of the training hall. She had done it finally. She had traded her happiness for his. Actually it felt good, despite the ache tearing her heart, as she felt at peace with herself. 

Her limbs were weak. She couldn't remember ever feeling this worn out. Her feet pressed heavy prints in the thick snow, and her insides were twisting uneasily. She raised her hand to her mouth, trying to swallow a hiccough. Oh Kami-sama, not the dizzy spells again... It had stopped when she was training, would those bloody symptoms leave her be for a while? It seemed that the ground was pitching and tossing under her feet. Her head was spinning... when did the sky come in front of her eyes?

__________

"MISAO!!"

Aoshi's voice echoed is the training hall when he saw Misao's small frame reel weirdly, lurch and collapse limply on the snow-covered ground. In no time he was by her side, worried like hell, and he gathered her petite form between his arms, trying to shelter her from the icy wind. Her eyes were closed and although she was unconscious, she looked really uncomfortable and moaned slightly. Clenching his jaw, Aoshi felt her forehead and his eyes widened in anguish; Misao was burning hot with fever. His eyebrows creased in worry, Aoshi wrapped the small kunoichi in a strong embrace and hurried towards the Aoiya.

Everything was sound asleep in the wide building, and Aoshi climbed the stairs silently so as not to wake anyone. He was there when the doctor had given his prescription concerning Misao's disease, and as no nurse would come at such an hour, it could as well be him who would care for her. Omasu and Okon wouldn't know better what to do – and an odd feeling told him that he wanted to care about his beloved himself, but he preferred to ignore that side of the matter. 

Soundlessly, Aoshi pushed the shoji closing Misao's room open and headed for the futon folded in a corner. He gently leaned Misao against the wall while he spread the thick mattress on the floor, then lifted her limp body and laid her on her makeshift bed. She was tossing slightly and he brushed his fingers against her cheeks, hoping that it would calm her down – but he couldn't help but grit his teeth when a loud moan escaped her lips, although he knew it was one of pain.

Leaving Misao alone, Aoshi ran down the stairs, hurrying for the kitchen to look for Misao's medicines; the doctor had pointed out a certain drug in case she would have high fevers, and right now it seemed more than suited to the situation. He quickly grabbed the bottle and was back to kneeling at Misao's sides, eyeing worriedly at her sweating body. Poor Misao... How fragile she looked when she was ill and in need of help... Softly, Aoshi lifted her head and laid it on his knee, then cupped her chin and poured the sticky medicine into Misao's mouth. The young women groaned and kicked her sheets at the bitter taste of the liquid and tried to spit it out, but Aoshi cupped her chin to keep her from doing it. Frowning in her semi-conscious state, Misao gulped the drug and moaned.

As she was starting to relax, Aoshi lay her down on the bed; he was about to spread the blankets on her restless body when he noticed the dirtiness of her thin sleeping yukata. Of course, he smacked himself inwardly – she had been training in that outfit, walking outside and then falling in the snow. No wonder it was now soiled with mud spots, melted snow and sweat. Aoshi faltered slightly. This meant he had to _change_ her yukata?! No, wait – he couldn't violate her privacy like this... He shot a quick glance to the soft bundle lying near him and sighed. Reluctantly, he got up and grabbed a clean yukata on the shelves, then knelt back by Misao's side. Aoshi tried to gather his self-control and shrugged his shoulders. After all, he had already changed her _hundreds_ of times, hadn't he? But then, she still was a young, genki child, not a lovely and really attractive young woman with luring shap...

Aoshi smacked himself inwardly for the second time. This was really not good. If he went on like this, sure he couldn't change her yukata without going mad. He shook his head, trying to get rid off slightly perverted thoughts, and breathed in deeply. Gently, he gathered Misao's body in his lap and started un-knotting the belt holding it close. The bow gave way easily, and the white fabric of the yukata parted slowly, giving Aoshi an insight of Misao's pearly skin. 

_Okina's going to kill me when he'll know I've done this_, he thought with a sigh.

Casting aside Okina's anger that would certainly follow, Aoshi brushed away the light material from Misao's shoulders, trying not to stare at her creamy breasts – didn't she use to wear bandages to crush them?! He turned his eyes away and his hand snuck around Misao's waist to support her weight while he was lifting her slightly in order to throw the dirty yukata away. Concentrating badly, Aoshi forced himself not to notice the soft warmth of her skin under his palm, and gulped harshly when her head fell on his shoulder as her body slouched forwards. He sighed.

_Please, Misao, don't make this more difficult than it already is..._

Aoshi was about to unfold the clean yukata lying by his side when he noticed the sweatdrops rolling on Misao's nape and upper back. Worrying, he frowned and slid his hands under her armpits to straighten her and glance at her. His eyes widened – she was all sweaty because of the fever, and her face, palms, upper back and chest were wet with sweat. Aoshi was starting to curse the gods; did they really enjoy seeing him in such a delicate position?

Cautiously, he lifted her and crawled towards a pile of clean towels that Okon had left in a corner, probably intending to use them when Misao would wake up. He caught one of them, then came back near the futon and laid Misao in his arms once more. Aoshi gritted his teeth, trying to avoid looking at her, then began to wipe her with infinite softness. Holding her tight with one hand, his other hand travelled on her body while he was making huge efforts not to think about whatever could be related with her. He dried her face, then her nape and neck, and... he just didn't want to know – but knew extremely well – what that soft hill was. 

Finally, he let her go with a sigh, having finished wiping her, and slipped her into the clean yukata, both relieved and disappointed of doing so. Misao was starting to toss and turn again, and Aoshi hugged her gently before throwing the sheets away and laying her in her bed. As if disappointed too, Misao frowned and grabbed his hand, and Aoshi smiled slightly as he covered her with her blankets and brushed away a few ebony tresses from her forehead. She looked adorable.

Aoshi had been sitting near a sleeping Misao for maybe half an hour, lightly stroking her forehead and just staring at her endlessly, her not even knowing. When he noticed she had started shivering. His eyebrows creased, betraying his perplexity; he felt her forehead and came to the conclusion that her fever had slightly lowered, but still stayed rather high. Were those shivers meant to be an outward sign of the action of the medicine? Or was she getting worse? Misao was moaning restlessly again, and the shivers were deepening as though she was freezing. 

Having no clue about what to do in such a case, Aoshi hesitated during a while, just glancing at Misao, but he just couldn't stay here doing nothing when she looked as though she were in pain. Softly but resolutely, he pushed the blankets away from Misao's body, seeing her huddle up and hug her knees to warm herself up. Aoshi couldn't keep away a small smile, and kindly lifted her between his arms. Very slowly so as not to shake her too much, he crawled backwards and leaned against the wall, Misao coiled up in his embrace. Soon, she relaxed with a contented sigh, leaning against Aoshi's muscular chest, and Aoshi pressed a light kiss on her tousled hair while spreading the thick, warm blanket over them.

"I love you, Misao-mine", he whispered, and though she couldn't hear, a bright smile spread on her lips.

A minute later, the exhausting wear and tear of the day had gotten the better of the two of them, and both had fallen asleep, drowning in a blissful slumber.

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**Author's notes :**  OK !!! Finally it's over !!!!!!! I didn't think it would take so long. Actually, the fighting scene was a pain in the ass. But the sweet scene coming next was a real pleasure to write  ^^ . I think I love writing sweet scenes, but I can't help imagining dark scenes  ^^o . That the rub  ^^o .

Anyway, the story's not over yet. I have planned to write a lemon after this chapter, but if you don't wish to read it it's okay, it won't be needed to understand the ending  ^^ . I hope you still like this story even though I'm so slow at upadting. Please forgive me, everyone !!!  ^^

Next chapter (after the lemon) should be the ending, and should be sweet  ^^ . End of the angst... or at least I think so  ^^o . You never know with evil writers like me  ^^ .


	12. Chapter 11 bis : Endless LEMON

Catching Hold of You 

Waiii… Here we go  ^o^ !!!

This is continuation of Chapter 11 so I'll thank the reviewers all at once in Chapter 12 ok ?  ^^  Anyway thanks for reviewing !!! 

**WARNING :** This chapter definitely contains adult stuff, lemon, graphic sex scene, whatever you want to call it. Don't read it if you are under age and/or feel shocked by those kinds of things. I can't be taken for responsible for any casualities caused by this fic, minna. Besides, this chapter isn't required in order to understand what will follow after this part. Thanks everyone for reading, now enjoy  ^^ !

Oh… Just wanted to tell ya… This is my very first attempt at writing a lemon so I hope it's not so bad… It may drag on… I tried to write it sweet and tasteful (I don't really like violent lemons, you know the kind of ones with screams and tore clothes…), but I have to recognize that I had to read a lot of lemons before writing this one so as to write it correctly, so I hope no one will feel offended if I borrowed an expression or so… Forgive meeeee !!!

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Chapter 11 bis : Endless

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The shrill whisper of a gust of wind wheezing against the wooden wall woke Aoshi up. He yawned sleepily and was about to stretch his aching limbs when the soft weight of a small bundle huddled against his chest reminded him of the previous events. A quick glance shot at the window confirmed him what time it was ; according to the silvery moon nearly brushing the top of the trees, it was very late in the morning, maybe 3 am. 

His head bent, Aoshi studied the pretty face leaning against his shoulder – the small nose, the long eyelids, the still slightly chubby cheeks, the warm lips. He pressed a light kiss on her forehead ; her fever was gone, and it was cool under his lips. Did she at least know how desirable she looked when she breathed this calmly, her mouth parting slightly as her chest raised at a slow pace ? Misao's symptoms had left, giving them a short respite ; no more fever, no more coughing fits. 

But Misao's eyelids started flickering, first sign of her awakening. She tossed limply, instinctively wrapping her arms tighter around Aoshi's ones, before her fuzzy, blue eyes fluttered open with a dreamful, hazy expression held in them. Immediately the happy light was replaced by a sad frown as she noticed the stoic face bent over hers, and Misao diverted her gaze for awhile before locking those soulbreaking orbs in Aoshi's blue-grey ones, boring holes in his being. 

"Why aren't you gone ?" Her words rang acidly in his ears, even more her tone, emotionless and bored. 

"I told you", she went on, "that you could catch up with her. You're quick. You're Oniwabanshuu, aren't you ?"

"Misao…"

"Why did you stay ? I don't want you to regret it afterwards."

"Misao…"

"You should be there, Aoshi, you know, you should have left already, or you'll miss her…"

"Misao, will you listen to me ?!", he curt her short, annoyance and slight anger emerging through his controlled voice. Her weak words went dry in her mouth as she just stared at him in disbelief, at loss of what to do when he closed his eyes, trying to get rid off the angry and hurt sadness showing on his face. 

"Ha-ai", she breathed, her harsh tone forgotten, not really knowing whether she truly wanted to know what Aoshi was going to tell her. He sighed, half-relieved, then gazed at her as though he was searching her soul deep down in her hazy eyes. 

"I didn't leave because I don't want to chase after Yukiko, Misao. True, I used to love her, love her very much indeed. But I don't anymore. I belong to there, where lives my family, and where lives my love too."  A small, genuine soft expression enlightened his gaze, and in his lap Misao was fidgeting, feeling terribly awkward. It just felt like butterflies were battling in her stomach. Her façade slightly cracking, she smiled uneasily.

"Y-you're not f-funny, Aoshi-sama. D-don't tease me. Y-you're kidding, r-right ?"

Tentatively, she raised her eyes to his, half hoping to find him smirking mockingly ; but he didn't answer, gazing at her very seriously – no, devouring her. Misao blushed furiously, her cheeks and throat turning a soft pink, and she tried to divert her gaze from his, but was too trapped to succeed. 

"S-stop teasing me, Aoshi-sama…", she whispered weakly, her hands clenching in her lap.

Feeling as awkward as Misao, Aoshi bent slightly, unable to tear his eyes away from her. He could almost feel her ragged breath, almost touch her hopeful uncertainty, and he stopped hesitantly at middle course, cupping her cheeks softly before pressing his trembling lips to hers. Relief flooded through his being when he felt her moist, full lips brushing his, hopeful and shy, and her arms lifted timidly, freezing in hesitation in an attempt to wrap around his neck. 

Both of them were drowning in the sweetness of their innocent touch, shy like children on their first kiss. Shivering, they parted and gazed at each other, silently asking for each other agreement.

Softly so as not to scare her, Aoshi wound his arms around her frail waist, brushing his tongue lightly over her lips, coaxing her mouth open to deepen the kiss. Shakily, her teeth partened with a small gasp, and he dived deeper, discovering her taste as he initiated her with exquisitive gentleness to the sweet art of kissing. Trusting him to no end, Misao gave in to his request and answered willingly, gasping softly when their tongues entwined tightly. Aoshi hesitated when she gasped as if struggling for air, but smiled slightly when he gazed at her ravishingly blushing face, eyes closed, waiting for him to go on. Delicately, he brushed the tip of his nose against her soft skin, along her cheek, trailing light kisses on his way. Misao was smiling heavenly, breathless, shyly wanting for more. 

Aoshi's lips made contact with her flushed forehead, sending electric quivers down her spine, then went down softly, carressing the small depression between her eyebrows, her narrow nose bridge, before brushing the tip of his nose with hers, claiming her own lips more unsurely than luringly. Disregarding her timidity, Misao stole a small peck then, taken aback by her own boldness, shakingly tried to explore his face as he had just traced hers. Slowly, her silky nose tip and lips learnt the feeling of his skin, of his hard cheekbones, of the small scar he bore above his left eyebrow… Half of her mind that frightened to death that she might ruin the whole thing with her inexperience, while the other half didn't care the slightest bit. His eyes were closed, relaxed, and she daringly brushed a light kiss on his eyelid…

A gasp of nervousness left her mouth when Aoshi slipped away from her shy strokings to press warm kisses on the shivering skin of her neck. Kami – it felt like a hard knot had formed in the pit of her stomach. This was new, entirely new, and her heart was beating ragingly in answer to the odd feelings this gave rise to in her. Aoshi's calloused hands were firmly holding her hips, yet not tightly, and his lips were slowly tasting her heated skin. She had tensed in his embrace, and he stopped, his mouth hanging inches away from her shuddering throat.

"Misao ?", he called gently, half-releasing her hesitating form, wordlessly asking if she was alright and wanted to go on. 

For a while she didn't move, gnawed between cutting short to this scaring sweetness and giving blindly up, then her trembling body relaxed, and she pressed a light kiss on top of Aoshi's head. With a ghost of a sigh, his arms circled her waist once more, and he went on kissing the warm, slightly tanned skin of her neck. His lips untertook to trace the slender line of her jaw, then his teeth grazed at her earlobe, capturing it playfully. Misao shivered and sighed. Slowly, shyness still lurking in her, she tentatively raised her hands and started to stroke Aoshi's back lightly, with timid feather-like touches of those ones which want and do not dare. 

Encouragingly yet still hesitantly, Aoshi's fingers sneaked along her spine and tangled in her messy hair, still ruffled and partly undone from her trying to outdo herself sooner in the evening, while his other hand kept her securely wrapped in his lap. Sweetly, his mouth slipped down her neck and caressed her collarbone, earning a small moan ; his mild breath left warm, moist traces on her tender skin. But as Misao was closing her eyes, slowly slipping into newly discovered bliss, Aoshi stopped his gentle fondling and straightened up, searching for her eyes.

Misao stared at him quizzically and bit her bottom lip, fear showing through her eyes as she was wondering what she had done wrong. His intense eyes were sounding up to the deepest abysses of her young soul, which scared her slightly, but yet they held infinite softness, gentleness mixed with uncertainty, a touch of helplessness – as though asking for a spark of permission from her own eyes.

His rough hands slid along her thin body to her waist and, his gaze never leaving hers, he started unknoting the thin belt holding her yukata closely wrapped. Misao gasped and caught her breath – the way his fingers brushed her shuddering skin, making her feel so whole and cherished… But she kept loosing her soul in Aoshi's soft blue-grey eyes, melting from the inside as his palms gently pushed the smooth fabric of her night suit from her shoulders, revealing her pearly skin, slender shoulders, and those small but plump breasts she wanted so much to hide. A light blush crept on her cheekbones, but Aoshi didn't seem to notice. His breath had got quicker, this mind sligthly releasing its careful hold on his body – but he wouldn't have traded anything against this moment, just because of the small, flushed and shy smile on Misao's lips as she gazed at him in pure trusting and apprehension. 

Aoshi swiftly grabbed Misao's wrists, devouring the hesitation running through her blue orbs ; he cradled her slim hands in his larger ones and guided them to the back of his shirt, closing her shaking fingers on the rumpled cloth. Softly, he helped her to remove his shirt ; their visual link was broken for the short while they lost sight of each other, and both of them nearly sighed in relief at catching sight of the other again. 

And there they were, kneeling in each other lap, flushed and timid. 

Misao's eyes widened slightly when Aoshi grabbed her thin waist with both hands and kissed her eagerly – before her body overcame her mind and she answered to his kiss with equal passion. Holding her tighly in his lap, Aoshi broke the kiss, and Misao wound her frail arms around his neck, panting from such a breathtaking kiss. Oh… his hands were making wonders on her heated skin – and a longing moan escaped her lips when his fingers stroke insistently on a sensitive spot down her spine. A light chuckle rumbled low in Aoshi's throat, liking the feeling of her arching her back against him.

Slowly, Aoshi showered Misao's skin with kisses, running down her neck, her collarbone, elliciting small quivers all along her body, then on her round breast, which immediately covered with goosebumps. Misao bit her lip hard and shut her eyes. His lips had captured her pink nipple and licked it softly before sucking harder ; the young kunoichi gasped, as new feelings raised inside her, and her nipple hardened under Aoshi's ministrations, showing her appreciation. Aoshi smiled at the tought it was him who made her feel like that ; and oddly, it felt truly right. Leaving her erected breast, he began to kiss and massage gently the other one, earning another short moan leaving Misao's lips.

Misao was arching her back convulsively, but Aoshi's hands were holding her firmly, additing to the awakening of her pleasure. Never had her body felt that way. It just wouldn't obey her mind – not that she wanted anything to stop, of course… She just wished she would have some more control on the situation – but then she trusted Aoshi and decided it was better to enjoy and not to think. A weird sensation was growing in the pit of her belly, and a sensitive spot down between her legs was pulsing unbearably, as if she needed something desperately. Both delighted and uneasy, Misao could feel a sticky liquid starting to pool between her thighs…

Oooh… Misao couldn't help a loud moan when Aoshi's fingers caressed the sensitive bump, down between her thighs, melting in that warm liquid escaping her body. Shakingly, she burried her head in his shoulder, her hot breath tickling his shivering skin as she tried to smother her soft groans ; and sending needles of fire through her being, his skilled fingers kept tracing the tender folds and crests of her intimacy, caressing her gently. Suddenly, Aoshi winced slightly when Misao digged her nails in the rough skin of his back, and a shadow of smile playing on his lips, he pressed a light but feverish kiss on her cheek, silently trying to reassure her – but he could feel himself slowly slipping out of control with her unmasked responsiveness, and the way she was showing him so openly the way she felt…

Keeping her securely wrapped in his lap, Aoshi pushed harder on her throbbing pleasure button, enjoying the way she moaned and squirmed between his arms, then slipped carefully one finger in her warm womanhood… feeling the way her walls tightened around his knuckles, feeling her desire and fear entwined… Her sweet, strangled voice whispered his name, and he tentatively slipped another finger in her, her mild essence running on his hand… 

"Aoshi !", she cried as he thrusted deeper. Her voice brought him back to reality – she was so unexperienced and naive, she was obviously afraid of what was happening and he had to remember to keep it sweet, so that she could enjoy this wholly.  Panting heatedly like she did, he rested his forehead against hers while slipping his fingers out of her – and she stared at him, hypnotized, as he started to lick the warm liquid on them, tasting her arousal and her being. Aoshi gazed at her, his blue eyes no more icy at all but holding the kindest gleams. 

Lovingly, he went on kissing her expecting body, his lips running down her belly as he pushed her down on the crumpled blankets of the futon. Misao complied without resisting but her lean body tensed when his hungry mouth passed her belly button.

"Aoshi ?", she asked, unsure, dread raising through her shaking tone. "Are you…"

"Only if you want it, Misao.", he answered, his hoarse voice rumbling low. She seemed to hesitate – or was she just gathering her breath ? – then nodded shortly. His mouth twitched in a small smile as her muscles relaxed, his large hands roaming up and down her curves – and he kindly coaxed her thighs apart before diving his lips in her limpid essence. A breathed moan left her throat as his tongue caressed her intimacy, creating electric waves of pleasure all along her body. Her eyes closed and she gave herself totally up to his fondling… 

Her body was growing readier and readier, he could feel it to the small starts flashing through her and he wasn't sure he could stand it himself for long. Her moans were just driving him mad… Willing to ellicit more and more pleasure from her, his tongue kept exploring her womanhood, before a half-moan, half-chuckle escaped her lips, making an erotic shiver running down his spine – he was running out of breath, and he knew that she was more than ready now at the way she called his name…

Sharply, trying not to rush her, Aoshi leant over Misao and grabbed her hand tightly.

"Misao, listen to me.", he breathed sternly, trying to catch her attention. Her eyelids fluttered open, pure bliss shining in her blue orbs, but clouded with worry at his serious expression. 

"What ?", she asked, her breath caught in her throat in delightful expectation, dazzled.

"Misao, it is going to hurt, you know."

Misao's eyes darkened to slight anguish. "A lot ?"

"Nothing unbearable… Do you really want that ?"

Her face held determination and she nodded, so he released his heated breath with relief… Hastily, he grasped her hand tightly in his larger one while kissing her lips eagerly… and thrust hard in her tender opening… feeling it resisting – she was so incredibly tight… it made pleasure rush through him, but then her soft virginity gave up and Misao let out a painful scream. Her hand had clasped his in pain, and her eyes shut tight as she bit her bottom lip. For a second, Aoshi regretted what he had just done – hadn't she already suffered enough because of him ? But his grief was swept away when her eyes open again, ecstatic delight showing through the tears of pain. 

"Misao ?", he called softly, and he heard her sigh sligthly.

"I'm okay…", she whispered softly in his ear. "It's not so bad compared to ninja training", she tried to joke, and disbelief enlightened her features when she felt him laughing smotheringly against her throat while pressing a light kiss there. He had laughed, finally. It had costed her so much efforts – and yet it felt so simple. So natural. She couldn't help but laugh too, tears of joy merging with the ones of pain and the thin layer of sweat covering her face. 

But the pain had lessened, and desire was starting to tug at the small of her back, which was revealed despite herself by a pleasured moan as Aoshi had softly moved. A genuine smile found its way on Aoshi's lips – she just fit him like a glove… He didn't really know if he was going to regret this or not, but he wouldn't have stop for anything on this Earth… Slowly, showering her with kisses and caresses, he started moving… harder and deeper… a beautiful dance he wanted to share with her… Misao… his Misao…

He withdrew and thrusted deeper, long shivers running along his exacerbated nerves, like flames of icy fire all at once, making her love with all his body, heart and soul. Oh God, how much he loved her…

Suddenly, Misao arched her back violently, with a cry… meeting joy and undescribable feelings that smashed her soul to smithereens before snatching her in a breathtaking whirl that left her wonderfully well and complete. And she knew Aoshi was feeling the same way when he called her name nearly in despair, crushing her to his chest, then falling heavily on top of her. Both of them remained breathless, drunk of each other… then fatigue got over them and Misao fell asleep in her lover arms, who wrapped her in a loving embrace by his side before giving up to a peaceful rest. 

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End of Chapter 11 bis

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**Author's notes :** Well…. I wouldn't have thought that a lemon was such a pain in the ass to write  ^^ . Though it was kind of pleasant, it was incredibly hard to describe without being too explicit… I didn't want it to be overly sexy and juicy, because I think Aoshi would be very sweet with Misao on her first time, ne ? Hurting her purposefully, that would not be our Aoshi-sama  ^^ … I'll try to write better next time cause this is not really a beautiful lemon… Still progress to be done  ^^o …

Reviews reviews !!! Constructive criticisms are very welcome since I need to improve my writing at lemons if you want me to write more of them  ^^ !! Praises are also welcome though  ;p !!

Ja ne to Chapter 12 !!!


	13. Chapter 12 : Awakenings

Catching Hold of You 

Waii !! I'm back !! New chapter !!

To the ones who haven't read chapter 11 bis : don't worry ! Everything will be explained  ^^ . 

Thanks to CardMistress Sakura, sarah, DarkFairy, Chibi-Nikoru, Noa, Cleao, Yen, pratz, JadeGoddess, Sai Hikaru, Mica-chan, caramel, lebleuphenix, lorik, nekonomiko, Susy, SilverNimbus, Shinomori Kibou, Zula, nee-chan, Isilwen Nyx Silverstar, Diablo, Selph, Gina and FlameSolo for reviewing !! Thanks a lot !!! 

I'm sorry if the lemon wasn't as good as some of you expected. It was my first try after all !! Next time I'll write something more hot  ^^ . I thought about taking it out, but oh well… I'm assuming my stuff  ^^ . 

Sorry again about my grammar mistakes !! As I already said, I'm not a native English speaker and sometimes I'm making mistakes !! 

Now read and have fun !!!

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Chapter 12: Awakenings

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_A cool breath in my hair wakes me up. I'm comfortable – I can't recall what happened after I left the training hall in a hurry. A mere feeling of vague cold and disease. But then, now I feel alright, warm, cherished… Will I open an eye? I leave the quiet dizziness of sleep to embrace my awakening, and my eyes are fluttering open, still hazy from slumber. _

_I'm cuddled against a strong, comforting chest. __A masculine chest? __How happens… Amazed – am I dreaming? – I raise my eyes to the one holding me so lovingly… but my mind snaps from its cloudy state to turn to a chaotic turmoil when I realize I'm staring at icy blue eyes. Icy blue eyes boring holes in me. Icy blue eyes violating my peace and barely constructed independence. Independence from him. _

_I know I have to be harsh, or I'm going to cry. Hurt before being hurt, you know. He knows how to hurt me; I've now learnt how to hurt him. I can't give him enough time to harm me, I have to strike before he does, because I can feel my eyes watering under his concerned gaze. I don't want to cry, he doesn't deserve it…_

_"Why aren't you gone?"_

_Was it harsh enough? I'm not sure. My voice has shaken slightly, though I manage to gather enough strength and boredom to make him believe that I don't need him. How funny, you must think. I've tried so hard to make him realize that I do need him indeed, and right now I am reduced to let him believe that I don't anymore. A wry turn of fate. But I must have sounded convincing because I can see pain twinkling in those icy depths. Pain? I thought he didn't care._

_"I told you that you could catch up with her. You're quick. You're Oniwabanshuu, aren't you?"_

_"Misao…" Great. I forced a word from those sealed lips, and it's my name. I have to go on lamely, I don't want him to think I'm weak. Anyway, why didn't he leave?! Does he think it will make the things any better? Must go on speaking. If I stop for a mere second, I know I will fail. Must go on. And mustn't cry. _

_"Why did you stay? I don't want you to regret it afterwards." Was it I? It didn't sound like me at all. I am angrier than that. He hurt me, I want him to regret it. But then I still want him to be happy. I am contradicting myself. Will he at least turn his damn eyes away?! His gaze is burning my bare skin. _

_"Misao…" Again my name breathed almost sensually. What got inside his head? Is he stupid enough, or does he not know me at all, to think he can calm me down with pretty words that are threats in disguise? Does he think I haven't grown to recognize his lies? I know you by heart, Aoshi, and when you hide that sexy look in your eyes, you're like the wildcat about to swoop down on its prey. You are gazing down at me with that unreadable gleam in your eyes telling me that you are going to fool me, that you are going to lie to me, and that before I can utter a word I'll be left with my disillusions. You're treating me like those children: you can promise them the moon because you know that in a few days they'll have forgotten about it. But I won't forget, Aoshi. I won't let you deceive me. _

_"You should be there, Aoshi, you know, you should have left, or you'll miss her…"_

_"Misao, will you listen to me?!"_

_What? My breath keeps sticking in my throat by the anger and annoyance in your tone. And despite myself, guilt is flooding in me – I've never wanted to hear you sound so hurt… never wanted to see so much sadness amassed in those icy blue eyes… I want to force a _no _but I'm transfixed, and words are slipping away before I can help._

_"Ha-ai…" How weak my voice sounds. I can't help. I still love him. Where did my courage flee, my harshness, my anger ? Can I really be heartless when it comes to him? I think I just can't. But his eyes are closing – as though he tried to get rid of his sorrow… Oh Kami, my heart is pounding so hard in my chest that it becomes painful. I'm speechless. Just him to make me feel like that – I don't know what he's thinking and yet I'm shattered by the single picture of him kneeling in front of me like that. Thinking of it, I'm still between his arms… his eyes are opening slowly, shimmering with emotions, and he doesn't seem to be the same man. _

_"I didn't leave because I don't want to chase after Yukiko, Misao. True, I used to love her, love her very much indeed. But I don't anymore. I belong here, where lives my family, and where lives my love too."_

_And he smiles. _

_And I remain frozen. _

_It's just; I can't find the words to express how emotions are rushing through me, leaving me empty and worn-out. I have to find something to regain my composure – and I start to fidget, like I usually do. I think I've never felt so awkward, torn between utter, fuzzy joy and betrayed uncertainty, as if my mind couldn't register any information coming from him without the ghost of doubt hanging over it. I saw that gleam telling he was going to fool me. But if he ever meant what he just said…_

_"Y-you're not f-funny, Aoshi-sama. D-don't tease me. Y-you're kidding, r-right?" And I try to smile, uneasy as I am, plastering a sort of grimace on my face to hide my discomfort. If he was just mocking me…? Could he? Seconds are passing by, each one being an eternity… And still no word is spoken, he just keeps focusing on me, those fiery eyes not leaving mine – devouring me… A large blush is creping on my cheeks, yet he remains impassable… _

_"S-stop teasing me, Aoshi-sama…" My hands clench spasmodically in my lap, betraying my nervousness…_

_He's bending over. He's coming close. And before I can point out what's happening, he's kissing me. His strong, calloused hands are cupping my cheek with great softness, as though I was made of glass. All rational thoughts are fleeing from my mind, and without thinking I'm answering to his kiss… The taste of his lips, the way he brushes them against mine… This is the exact opposite of the rough kiss he snatched from me yesterday… My arms are winding around his neck without my permission, as if of their own will, and I'm kissing him shyly but hungrily, as he does to me. I'm drowning in his strength… I'm in love…_

_His tongue is entwining with mine – it feels so delicious… Then his hands are tracing my skin… His caresses…_

Knock knock.__

_What the hell…?_

"Misao, are you up?"

Okon's sweet voice echoed dimly from the corridor, and Misao grunted slightly before turning on her right side and drowning again in the soft warm of sleep. Hesitating a short while, the older kunoichi soundlessly opened the shoji, letting the mild rays of sunlight splash the whole bedroom… and stared in disbelief at the two heaps of tousled hair barely emerging from underneath the thick blankets.

"MISAO!! AOSHI-SAN!! OKINAAAAA!!!"

Misao's heart jumped to her throat as she got woken up with a start, and her cheeks turned a bright red when she heard Okon's squeaks. Aoshi was obviously awake too – and his hands snuck around her naked waist to pull her deeper under the blankets. Flushed, vaguely ashamed and unable to line up two coherent thoughts, Misao dived under the sheets and buried her face in Aoshi's bare chest, trying to hide her uneasiness at Okon's yells. Hurried steps were heard and breathless Okina, Shiro and Kuro appeared in the doorframe, alarmed by the noise – but stopped dead in their tracks at the sweet scene the two lovers were making. 

A dumbfounded silence spread all over the room, Aoshi and Misao did not dare move; neither did the intruders. Then Okina cleared his throat and asked casually: "Okon, should you make me taste that _wonderful_ tea you brought back from the market?"

The still speechless Okon stammered a few incoherent words before managing to let out: "Huh. The tea… Huh, y-yes, s-sure…"

Okina had a small smile and gently pushed the shocked woman in front of him along the corridor after having closed the shoji and shut everyone out. 

Inside the now quiet room, Misao soon started to squirm, ill at ease in Aoshi's tight embrace. The young man loosened his grip around her frail body with a small chuckle, and gazed at her when, flushed and embarrassed, she wrapped herself in a sheet to sit down without exposing her bare chest. In the meanwhile, she felt more than silly – after all he had seen more than her breasts last night, she thought with a pang of awkwardness. Yet now heaps of questions were assailing her, fear eating at her insides – had she been right? What if Aoshi decided to let her down?! What kind of trouble had she gotten herself into?! She would never been able to find a husband now… and would remain a burden for everyone… 

She had to put her cards on the table. And make him put his.

"What are we doing now?", she asked stiffly. Aoshi's gaze didn't waver, nor did it lighten up to give her any hint. 

"What do you expect us to do?", he cooly replied. Damn. She hated when he answered her questions with one of his own. As if to add to her uneasiness, she felt that her lower lip was quivering, showing out how tensed and miserable she felt. Swiftly she turned round, showing her back to Aoshi and, wound in the blanket, she got up and walked to the window. 

"You know what I mean, Aoshi. Don't play this little game, please… I just want to know… know what's going on…"

She was staring out of the window, her forehead leaning against the cold pane. 

"I saw you kissing her. I was standing right here. Maybe I can't understand some things of yours, but then you can't understand how hurt I felt. Betrayed. Ashamed. Sad. Lost. Whatever… I won't get out unharmed of all this. I just want you to tell me the truth. Let me know what's going on…"

But Misao couldn't keep pouring her heart out. She was started, taken off-guard, as Aoshi's warm arms embraced her from behind, slipping around her petite waist. 

"Listen to me carefully, Misao… I won't tell you I didn't kiss her. I won't tell you she forced me. But then – I don't love her. That's the way it is. I can't say I never thought of her like someone I could love. It's just – she's a part of me, a part of my past… Seeing her awakens feelings in myself that are not exactly love – fondness, care, I don't know. You'll understand with time. Yes, I think that's it…"

Both of them remained stuck in their own, lone thoughts for a while, then Misao voiced with that tiny, shy tone of hers that made him go wild.

"Sure?"

Aoshi smiled, his nose buried in her smooth hair, before answering.

"Marry me, Misao."

___________

_A year later_…

"Misao? Aoshi-san?"

Omasu's kind voice echoed through the dinning room, but nobody replied. The young woman scowled, annoyed, and opened the sliding panel that looked out onto the garden. Loud laughter and shouts could be heard in the distance, and the onmitsu gritted her teeth rather angrily – were they mad to go out when it was so cold?! 

"Misao! Come in right now!" she called firmly.

Misao's ebony hair popped from behind a bush, powdered with shimmering white flakes.

"Oh, Omasu!!! Don't be such a killjoy! It's the first snowfall of the year, let's enjoy it!"

Aoshi appeared near his wife, as snowy as she was. 

"Don't worry, Omasu. I'm taking _good _care of her."

Omasu made a face and started pestering after unwise men, when Aoshi crushed a big snowball on Misao's head, which earned him a shrill shriek that was smothered with a kiss. 

"When you'll have finished with your foolish games, will you please come in so that I can give you the letter that arrived for the both of you?"

Misao's eyes widened. "A letter?!"

Omasu nodded, and she saw Misao emerging from the snowy thickets, walking rather slowly and uneasily, before Aoshi lifted her up between his strong arms and carried her towards the house. Fuming, Omasu started her usual lecture.

"Aoshi-san, really, do you think it's wise to encourage a pregnant woman to go and do what she sees fit?! Now, going in the snow and what? She could catch a cold! No, Aoshi-san, you really should…"

Aoshi chuckled while glancing quickly at his lovely wife, who had blushed like whenever anyone was pointing out her pregnancy. Gently, he put her on her feet and held her until she found her balance – she was so frail that it was hard for her to bear the additional weight of a child, and she had difficulties in walking. This got on her nerves because she wasn't as independent as she used to be – but Aoshi took advantage of any opportunity to help her out and get a change of air. Which actually pissed Omasu off as she thought a pregnant woman should take as much rest as possible. 

Nevertheless the woman handed the letter to Aoshi, who took it with thanks. Slowly, his gaze ran through the sheet of paper as he unfolded it – and a shadow passed through his eyes in recognition of that quick yet neat handwriting. Misao felt the tension growing in her husband. Was it bad news?, she wondered with concern. 

"It's from Yukiko", Aoshi merely said. Misao frowned slightly. 

"What does she say?", she simply asked.

"Let me read…"

_Dear Aoshi, dear Misao-chan,_

_I hope the both of you are alright. I heard about your wedding quite a while ago, and I wish you all the possible happiness. I wish I could come and congratulate you myself but I can't come to Kyoto for a while. Let's hope that when I'll at last be able to come, I'll find you with beautiful toddlers! As for me, I've just married a man I've met when coming back from my last assignment. I resigned my job (my boss nearly killed me but, by chance, I survived…!), got married and actually that letter was meant to let you know that we, Seta Yukiko and Soujiro, would be very happy if the both of you could come and visit us whenever you want in Nara, where we're living. I apologize for being so rude and not coming to see you and invite you, but actually a happy event to come makes any travel impossible… Take care, with love,_

_Yukiko. _

"WHAT?! You mean, Seta Soujiro?!" This was Misao's voice, very shrill with shock. Aoshi half-smiled and answered coolly:

"I don't think there are two."

"But she's what?! _Years_ older than him!!"

Aoshi sighed.

"Misao, _I_ am years older than Yukiko and _you_ are years younger than Soujiro…"

Misao remained speechless, and pouted cutely to hide her discomfort. She was about to retort something wry when her face turned to amazement; Aoshi was already about to ask what was wrong and if she was okay, worrying about his precious wife, but Misao smiled in delight and exclaimed, pure wonder readable on her features.

"He kicked me!" Her eyes twinkled. "I really felt it!"

And a fond smile broke on Aoshi's lips, rewarded by a sweet burst of laughter.

__________

**OWARI ? … Let's see…**

**_Okina's perverted epilogue !_**

Well… I think that youngsters are out for now… Hey hey hey Kami knows what they're doing right now… Well I guess that it's none of my business  ^_^o … Aaaaah I'm soooo tired !! It's no good for an old man like me to stay up so late at night… and actually I must say that though Yukiko's a very caring mother, she still can drink like ten. She and her husband arrived to the Aoiya today morning, and of course a little party was thrown to greet them… Though Aoshi and Soujiro spent some time sizing up each other (why had Yukiko-chan to marry one of Shishio's associates ?! Well if they're happy…) the ice was soon broken and the party was a real pleasure. 

Yukiko told us how she met her husband, but it's such a loooong story that I won't tell you now ! I wanna go and sleep, do you understand ?! Ok ok the epilogue… If I don't want Kmye-chan to skip my perverted epilogue, I have to tell you what happened… 

Indeed nearly a year after her wedding with Aoshi, Misao gave birth to an a-do-ra-ble Makie-chan – which is really stunning ! I didn't think Aoshi could make so beautiful children, though I've always believe in my lovely Misao-chan… ^_^o … Well again it's none of my business… Ah, if I was younger… Good, now I hope that the next one will be a baby boy ! Not that I don't like girls – I indeed do LOVE girls – but now that we have a chibi Misao to care about, we'd like a chibi Aoshi. I'll have to drop a word to Aoshi about this… 

A few minutes ago, Aoshi and Misao were discussing with Yukiko and Soujiro about travelling with them and their cute Heiji-chan in Nara. Maybe I could go with them – just to be sure they don't do anything stupid, of course ! (Do you think there are pretty girls in Nara ? YES ? Oh oh oh… *lecherous smile*)

Well actually you'll have to excuse me, I must pack my things to go to Nara – and I've just seen a gorgeous (not to say slightly tipsy) beauty walking down the street… Wouldn't I be rude if I didn't go and check she's alright ?! … Hey hey hey see you later…

________

**OWARI **

**________**

**Author's notes :**  END !!! I finished it !!! I can't believe it !!! Do you realize that I've been writing this damn story for nearly a YEAR ?! Actually I loved writing it, so I hope you enjoyed reading it !!!

HYPER-THANKS to all the adorable people who reviewed, emailed me or gave me their advices ! It really helped a lot ! I'm not a really good writer so any piece of advice that could make my stories better was welcome  ^^ . Although I enjoyed a lot all the nice reviews and comments !!! Reading them helped me to go on when I was short of inspiration ( you know, when I was in front of my comp staring at my screen and didn't found anything to write…  ^^o)

Well… I hope that the end of this story wasn't too disappointing… I know that some people would have liked something more angsty to conclude this already angsty story. It's just, after the climax of chapters 10 and 11, I couldn't find anything even more angsty to keep the angst so I decided to have a happy outcome, quite merry and sweet. And actually I think I went totally crazy when writing the very end… Okina's perverted epilogue ?!… I've always wanted to write an AxM story in Okina's point of view, but I can't get in the mood to place myself as an old lecherous man… so I just let him write the epilogue… Tell me if you think it was not funny at all and want me to take it out, or if it does damage to the whole story. 

Now, I decided to marry Yukiko to Soujiro because I didn't want to hurt Soujiro's fans and letting him alone  ^-~ ! Well… It was just a wink… I won't write a story about how Yukiko and Soujiro met, but if anyone is interested in writing one, let me know ! 

Then, I just wanted to ask a question. I have a lot of fanfictions planned in that little crazed mind of mine, but I don't know what to write first since I can't write two fics at the same time (not enough time !!). Tell me what you would like to read ! I have a long angsty fic planned, but would you like to read a short romantic story or an AU funny/crazy story first ? Thanks to anyone who will give me their opinion !! 

Thanks minna for supporting this story !!! Review and tell me what you thought about the whole story !!!


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